Contest Winners- July 1, 2013

Happy first of the month all!!

This week we had THREE clear winners, 2 of which had a tie of 11 and the site broke it :)

Well done on excellent pieces everyone.

WINNERS:

To The One Who Might Love Me
by The Huntress -10 + 7 = 17

Pravahlika Uddyota
by Exostosis 10 + 4 = 14

When Winter Stays
by The Queen- 7 + 4 = 11

HM's
Llamas de las velas
by: Piogga- 7 + 4 = (11)

Commiserate.
by Poet on the Piano (10)

Anopisthographic (Double Etheree)
by: Tara Kay (10)

Wheel Bound (collab)
by Chelsey (10)

Sea-change
by The Huntress (7)

Little Bird
by Antithesis (7)

Involuntary Souvenirs
by Meme (4)

Going to Middle School
by Robin Montgomery (4)

WINNER COMMENTS:

To The One Who Might Love Me
by The Huntress

This poem is so blunt, in your face yet very vulnerable. I love the beginning how it definitely sets the tone -- it reminded me of the movies where someone says not to fall in love with the other, and yet they always do. You know you're in "another world" as the author put it, and you know you're not in the right frame of mind. It's interesting to see the push back, as normally you see poetry about the other side, trying to love someone when they won't let you. The walls put up here are crafted in a really strange, poetic and beautiful way. The Huntress hits her stride by the end of the poem, ending it with an emotional bang. This really has a bit of everything I feel poetry is supposed to be about. Amazing. Also -- love the title. Catchy and to the point. (10)

`````````````````````````
To the one who might love me
by The Huntress

Love the opening here, so brutal, blunt and just right in your face once you get to "Don't do it." It makes me think the author never wishes to be saved, no matter the circumstances and if it is needed or not, which is further heightened and confirmed once I get to the next line.

"full of legends and lunatics."

This made me smile-I know it wasn't meant to but I can't help but sense wry sarcasm here and matching with my dry humour it did slightly amuse me.

Absolutely adore the mention of fairy-tales and dragons and that whole verse. The imagery is beautifully crafted and it makes me think on movies and books such as lord of the rings or the Inheritance cycle, which are both favourites of mine.

"for I am not from your world. "
Hands down, one of my favourite closings of a poem. Again so stark and in your face. Perhaps, the author is referencing love in the second half of the poem, the fact she believes it would be bad to give in and fall for someone, is what I took from this part especially within the last line.

I found this refreshing. It was something different, unique, carefully thought out and a poem I thoroughly enjoyed. (7)
--------------

When Winter Stays
by The Queen

"winter dances-"

Can I just state how much I adore this? This is pure beauty. I've never thought of it this way before, but with this short line I immediately get this serene peaceful image of falling snowflakes, and I can't help but smile at the serenity this creates within me.

I was surprised then, by the direction this poem soon began to take. I thought painting the leaves as weeping was elegantly done, both bittersweet and heart wrenching and manages to effortlessly turn the tone of the poem from so calm and beautiful in the opening verse into melancholy and perhaps loss?

This is truly a remarkable poem and one that I have no doubt will stay with me for a long time. Such beauty and pain combined into one beautiful read. (4)
------------

When Winter Stays
by The Queen

I listened to the tune the prompt was based on and thought this poem paired with it went very well together. The beauty of the nature was very well portrayed, and the Queen painted pictures that I thought went along with the music in a really constructive and beautiful way. I absolutely adore everything about this poems structure -- it's very obvious of the author, it being her style, and it's a catchy one. Each word is crafted with intent, each line break a purpose. The imagery and strength in it is what really made this poem a favorite of mine. Also love some of the words crafted that you wouldn't typically see used in a nature poem (yodeling?). The ending is my favorite, breaking down in almost a softer tone that really speaks volumes. Simply just a pretty, pretty write. (7)
-----------

Pravahlika Uddyota by Exostosis

This poem is an intriguing one to say the least. I don't know where to began or how exactly express what's going on in my mind. So I'll just start by saying that I learnt a lot of words and that despite the words being complex, the flow of the poem wasn't affected. It flowed smoothly. Now I didn't understand every single part of this piece but what I liked the most was - whether intended or not- that my brain could picked up a few of those sentence to showed me an image.

This are the lines that stood out to me:

"All desires are subject to parallax

I am reflection in the water. Water is the reflection in me
Sunrise and sunset must be Yellow Orange Red.
Birds cannot fly in outer space. Wings suit their purpose.
All is emerging all is submerging.
Life is death and death is life. The hand that feeds is the hand that kills.

Breath in Breathe out. Breathe in Breath out. Breathe in Breathe out."

All of this lines, makes me believe that this poem came from a moment of meditation. Someone perhaps out in the woods reflecting in the water since sunrise to sunset. Some one observing, thinking, meditating about life and death, how everything in life has a purpose and it's just so interesting how this line keeps bugging me " The subject must be realized different from the object." What exactly does that mean?

Also the title caught my eye.

Overall, this poem seems like some type of riddle, it's so interesting how some lines stand up from the rest and how the starting to the end of the poem is thought provoking. I like it. I wish I could say more but I know I'll end up babbling and perhaps make this boring but very well done (10)
-------------

Pravahlika Uddyota by: Exostosis (4)

Such a complex, provoking write, there was a lot depth to acknowledge in this piece and I know just from reading it once or twice, I still can't understand every meaning. There was such a clever pull here for opposite forces in life and nature. I cannot pick out one line because each possesses knowledge and almost outer-reflection in a way, looking at how we react with the world and how it affects us. I love the last lines and how you almost write them in proverbs, like this is a truth we must just take, even if we don't comprehend a hundred percent as human beings: "life is death and death is life. The hand that feeds is the hand that kills." I thought of karma too, that everything can be found in the opposite, the parallax as you stated...one object of life with two different lines of sight can make the world what it is today. Unique poem, while this was very intellectual and philosophical in my mind, there were a few lines that for a poem, seemed too heavy with too much extended vocabulary. Very different though and you definitely made it your own!

HM COMMENTS:

Commiserate.
by Poet on the Piano

Just when I think I have seen it all from Mary-Anne, she goes and writes something like this. This is without a doubt not only one of my favourite poems of hers but also one of my favourite poems that I have come across. I adore this.

"and a voice that sung of a loneliness never answered."
"listening to hearts being broken."

These were two of my favourite lines, particularly the first. It reminds me of someone so lost, so filled with despair that they think they will never achieve happiness no matter how much they may strive for it.

"But this rain chilled me."
"This rain soaked me."

I was fond of the subtle repetition here, keeping the theme of this dark and dreary weather and matching this person's mood and days, and I enjoyed how the repetition was only slight, and not worded precisely the same at both points.

"I didn't wish to speak anymore."

This takes me back to the mood and tone I felt at the beginning of the poem when loneliness is mentioned and it begins to tie the whole poem together in such a melancholic yet beautiful and elegant way.

"and speechlessly asking....why I had no one to tuck me close."

This is heart-breaking and something no-one should ever have to ask themselves, and I really can't think of a better way to wrap up this heart-wrenching and haunting piece.

I wish I could say more because I'm truly touched and awed by the detail and attention that has gone into this poem, but I doubt my words could ever fully do this wonderful poem the justice it deserves. (10)

--------------
Anopisthographic (Double Etheree) by: Tara Kay (10)

I can't stop saying how much I love this poem! The prompt would have been a challenge no doubt, but when I read this it you connected me to the piece, it was natural and once more you bring out truth, reality, the perspectives of life...
The way you make that image of words only on side of the paper so personal, showing how you are meant to be this way yourself, is powerful and creative. Beautiful form too! A perfect piece, it's moving especially with these lines "I was not made to be double sided, but taken at first glance and adjudged." - I like this for the simple fact that it immediately reminded me of acceptance without changing who we are, back and forth, for others. We remain who we are and in that way, are rooted in our background and beliefs. Incredible inspiration!

- - - - - - - - -

Wheel Bound (collab)
by Chelsey

These two ladies took me to a place in my own memories and touched me deeply, I do like it when I read a poem, that it can give me goosebumps and take me to memories of my own, that is hard for an author to do, and yet 2 authors collaborating is outstanding! These ladies need to write together more often, I look forward to reading more.

I was impressed with out it starts out as a traveling memory of a woman needing to escape, the visionary display was beautiful. I could vision an open road to a brighter future, but what got me was the twist in the end... the darkness of looking back...

this stanza blew me away:

"Knowing all this,
believing this was her chance to escape,
she stared at her wax consistent house, that
he burnt down, and smelled the aroma
of pure hatred. Glued to its memories, its
hope, its once picturesque persona, she
left those tires still, she let the engine die."

I can't express how much this ending stanza sealed the deal for me on my 10 choice. This entire poem is outstanding, heart gripping and could easily be song material... Truly adore this piece!! Well Done Chelsey and MaryAnne (10)
------------
Sea-change
by The Huntress

The Huntress took me on a captivating tongue twisting adventure of words and I truly love this piece from her. What a thrilling read! Full of romance and elegantly structured lines, I cant begin to express how beautiful this piece is... A must read by all!

I want to highlight the ending lines because this is where I got lost in a sea of pearled words and simply fell in love with this poem!

"like a seamaid
it ebbs
at the Arctic sculpture
it pines
for the umbrae beneath
the split
you spit
a lemony seed, like broken
mosaic, and we're mouths
at sea, we see
sea-change "

The Huntress has left me speechless with this piece, love it! (7)
---------------

Llamas de las velas by: Piogga (7)

I love the opening line, how it is a bit vague but this wandering together in poor conditions possibly bonded you to this person. The second stanza appears to be almost dreamy and questioning the normality of life...such an interesting third stanza, I Like the abstraction of that specific of hiding all those paintings of shipwrecks and how you believed it was romantic, like maybe losing yourself and being consumed by the sea would be a tragedy but a beauty as well. I adored the third stanza, how you tell the story of meeting this person, not describing him but showing the reader how you almost came alive, having that desire to explore the whole world. Then at the end, I don't know for sure what happened, whether this is slaves in the literal term, or slaves of a life that was led by someone else and not by you. Really liked this line: "Prisoners of nostalgia", how heart-breaking, especially with that last line of tying in the sea again. There's such a sadness, like this is what you once thought romantic, but not having no where to land or be with someone. Beautifully expressed & outstanding flow!
---------------
Llamas De Las Velvas
by Piogga

The poem starts in such an interesting way. I love how, in the beginning of the first actual stanza the writer creates a list, and the way it's crafted makes me feel like I have to read it at a faster pace, very intentional. Something I love about this poem is how specific it is -- 24 flights of stairs is VERY specific and I think really adds to the originality and creativity of this poem. I also really like the part of dying at sea being romantic, and then how the poem ended. It was such a creative feel, unlike anything I feel I've seen here on PnQ. Really refreshing and different. I like how the theme was kept throughout and even added a bit of hopeful romance, only to find it isn't there. Slaves to the memory, slaves to our past, unable to move forward.. but I still feel the hope is there. This poem really made me think. I love this! (4)
-----------

Little Bird by Antithesis

I really liked this poem from beginning to end. It was short but packed with thoughts and images. I like how this poem is speaking directly to the little bird but at the same time to me as the reader. It's thought provoking. It's also relatable up to some degree. I felt this poem was about loneliness, and about that void that remains within ourselves as we try to find someone to understands us, however, I think that at times we try to find someone to understands us just so we -ourselves- could understand our own persona. There are hints of sadness but it also has some calm and serene tones. I pretty much pictured this character meditating about his/her life and I found it interesting that the narrator is perhaps comparing the bird to himself/herself. I also got mixed up with the question, "Little bird, where did you go?" So my thoughts are that the bird flew away and its no longer on the sight of the narrator. And once again, the "Where did you go? there are 3 pathways leading to my door, little bird" stirs my thoughts. 3 pathways? I definitively got the idea the narrator is looking for something and that it isn't exactly the little bird. Thought- provoking and well written. (7)

------------

Involuntary Souvenirs
by Meme

Meme has a way of making me weep with her writings... I can't begin to explain the power of her poetry. What I admire most about this piece is the simplistic and realistic tone of a love that has passed and capturing the feelings within. Pure elegant lines through and through:

"I had caught a trace of
his perfume in the air,
mixed with the warmth
of our morning coffee
and I held on to the ache
for one last time before
surrendering to the overdue
moment of letting go"

I like to highlight stanzas that help me decided my choices for the week, and this stanza here by Meme sealed the deal for me.. I could smell the lines of perfume and coffee and heartbreak! Powerful piece by Meme this week! (4)
-----------------

Going to Middle School by Robin Montgomery

This is one of those poems that touched me as well as a perfect example of how rhymes read when done correctly. It's also pretty simple but the emotion and the thought as well as some sadness come to the surface. I can also relate, I know what is like to say good-bye to their students, the ones they have spent a long time with. One can only grow attach to them so it's hard to say farewell, but at the same time it's better for the students to have advance to a new year. Failing a year, it's not an option.

I also found some humor in this lines:

Thank you for sharing your knowledge and smiles,
Now off to the Middle School to see all the piles
Books, and binders, and papers galore,
I know you'll be happy and learn so much more

and the ending a great thought:

I wanted to leave you with a few words of advice,
Never give up, and always be nice.

Well done. (4)

Congratulations to the winners.

Congratulations to all and thank you for my HM.
Thanks judges and Chels xxx

Congrats all! :)

Congratulations to all the winners & HM's! Awesome work and thank you judges for my HM as well as on the collab by Chels and I, truly appreciated!!

Interesting poems.
Congratulations to the winners & HMs.

Thanks, Judges & Chelsey.

Congratulations winners, some great poems this week.

It's just so interesting how this line keeps bugging me " The subject must be realized different from the object." What exactly does that mean?

^ The composition will result in various interpretations from different individual standpoints. It can mean whatever one wants it to. It is meant to act as an integration piece in the puzzle that is the reader's life. It is for one to realize what is the subject in their life and what is an object. It provokes contemplation on the finer facades of existence.

As for my stand point. I have incorporated spirituality and meta-physics in many parts of the poem. The concept of subject and object is taken from the Brihadarankya Upanishad. Where the body is said to be the object and the consciousness to be the subject. As per the scripture, one must realize that he/she isn't the body. But the consciousness that is a manifestation of the universal energy. One has adapted to thinking of themselves as the body rather than the consciousness. One does not think of his body and his consciousness as different, rather one and the same. And therefore must return life after life to dwell in a material body. Though body is just a vessel that changes from life to life. One is, one of the many waves upon the surface of the ocean. And has adopted to thinking of themselves as those individual waves rather than ocean. What the ocean is comprised of, is indeed the same that comprises the waves. Therefore to free one's self of bondage, they must revert back to their true nature by detaching and renouncing all material existence. It is given fruition via self realization.

It is a revelation, in short.

Hope this helps to an extent.

Thank you Shelwin...:)