EMPTY

I felt empty most of these days.....i dont know why..........sometimes i want to drown myself in the water when taking a bath...i dont know...

i want to get drunk until i vomit..i want to smoke...but i cant...coz i dont know how to do all of that...

i dont know i feel i was lacking a certain emotion...and i dont have any emotions to write..

i feel im lacking the emotion of pain.i feel numb.....i laugh.i smile...i felt sad at times..but pain.....i dont have it.........and its getting wierd for me...

Hey Dindee, really sorry you're going through this and feeling empty. I'm sure that can't be easy and I don't want that for you at all!

Take a deep breath and please don't do anything rash. It's okay if you don't know what to say with writing, give it time, and don't beat yourself up. Maybe you could write about the numbness if that would help?

Here to talk if you need to. I've had the feeling before of smiling and laughing, going through the motions right? Yet not right away feeling that happiness. .Don't beat yourself up, this will pass, and I don't think anything's wrong with you at all, you seem to be very sad. I hope things look up :) Mostly be yourself, if you don't feel like acting all smiley or anything, don't yet until you can realize where your happiness is coming from.

Thanks P....but i still dont have any words in my mind...

i want to sleep a lot...but i have read something bout that..sleeping is one the signs of depression...

im really lack in pain..in rage....i dont know..if its the way i perceive things....

i realized it yesterday coz i was thinking bout that too...

theres a day my boss reprimand me coz i dont have any ID's,,coz i forget my wallet at home...she told me to sent money for her relative,,i dont know..

and shes said a lot..bla bla bla...i explained it calmly to her that i forget it..but still bla bla bla... back in my mind i was just

"fine...whatever you'll said..just keep raising your voice...but i wont ever..ever..go down to your level...i do have a license compare than you..you're my boss in marketing..but still youre not professional..and if ever you are..you know how to deal in a SIMPLE situation like this,,"

and after all what she had said it seems that nothing happens..im not even mad at her..

and last day..one of the assistant told me..coz im doing a compilation for new trainees,,she told me to stop for a while to buy something for the guest..and i did..even she was doing nothing..and i came back she didnt even help or didnt even touch the compilation coz we were doing it together supposedly...but still i did it alone..

again in my mind..."its ok..you'll be polished soon,,just take the lowly paths..and you'll be greater someday.."

coz she worked here longer than me..i was only 2 months in here..and we are both assistants..

even those little things were not enough to caused me mad..or what..coz it is sooo small...

haaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy..........

Fill the emptiness with the Holy Spirit, GOD and JESUS!