Contest Winners- July 22, 2013

Hey everyone. So sorry I'm a day late..My internet connection has been jacked up, it just came back on today!!

Sooooo...yay, I get to break the news and tell everyone there has been yet again, another error this week.....I would love to apologize, but it's not my fault. In fact, I have no idea whose fault it is or whats going on. I checked votes Sunday and Monday @ 7 a.m and there is a random poem WIN on the front page Monday by 11 a.m my time..

Huntress my dear, I am sorry for your false WIN, it totally sucks when that happens, but please don't remove it because its totally kick a**!

What should have happened is there were 2 clear winners, Yaki and Hellon, the site should and usually does pick a winner with the remaining 10's....doesn't look like that happened....

With all this mess being said...here is this weeks votes/scores..

WINNERS:

Don't love me, baby
by Yaki - 10 + 10 + 4 = 24

Kuebiko....in Winter
by Hellon - 7 + 7 = 14

HM's:

Death
by Safachan (10)

Credo
by Sincuna (10)

Metamorphasis
by JaneDoeWrites (10)

Sweet Temptation
by Chelsey (7)

Silk Ribbons
by Maple Tree (7)

There's only rain now
by Piogga (7)

Bad Habit
by The Huntress (4)

Maybe
by Melissa (4)

Song Bird
by JamesTheShadow (4)

The Remains Of Yesterday
by Meme (4)

WINNER COMMENTS:

Don't love me, baby
by Yaki

It is hard for a poet to develop a distinct voice that rings true. Yaki has one. This piece is probably louder than most other poems here because it is made for performance poetry. Louder doesn't necessarily mean better, but this is a great piece. I would work on making the last line stronger to match the rest, otherwise each line is raw and fierce. The poet is telling her lover what she already has mapped in her head, claiming how she will work her wiles...but it is clear that these wiles are the result of past pains experienced. I used to write pieces like this that I used to call my rant poetry, full of merciless self-characterisation. But what is rare about this is the brave contrast of powerful conviction and underlying vulnerability. Poems about being insecure and casting safety nets on love are not unique - but they are rarely stated with such unflinching sincerity and such abandon. There is the poetry. I am left with a punch of sadness and I am left with a memory of many girls I have known, including me. Any poem that can stir your insides is a good poem, and this is one of those. (10)

Don't love me, baby
by Yaki (4)

While the title is generally unappealing; I find the poem to be emotionally confounding. The effort it took the poet to find words in order to be able to come out with such emotional but poetic piece can hardly be ignored. As the poem progresses, I could feel and see where it is heading which makes it easy to understand. For the most part, I love the descriptive images and positive vibes this piece is conveying, the ending however, is way too sad complemented by its bitter and bold tone. There are lots of different ways to make a poem unforgettable, but I think the poet was clever enough to rely mostly on one thing which is the 'element of surprise'. I was pleased as I got to the end of the poem and suddenly found a surprising twist. I also find the length of this poem to be as precise as it should be, neither short nor long, hence, the perfect speed to the sequence of events in the poem.

The only criticism I can give is concerning its use of punctuation, some sentences run on without punctuation and the poem almost seems to skip from subject to subject, while the rest of the stanzas are unconventionally punctuated leaving "and's" lowercased. (4)

Dont love me, baby
By: Yaki

I vote for this poem for its emotional value, for its bluntness but not its massage though. I believe my position against the trajectory of this poem should not stop me to appreciate its beauty. Everything about this poem is gipsy: wild, uninhabitable, beautiful, a gipsy dancer! This poem has a mood of flamingo, gypsy
Queen perhaps; a temptress that like bees can sweeten your world, but you have to mind the stings. She is so beautiful and she knows how to move. She can be yours , she can make you the king of the world , but only for a short time. Her beauty is brief like butterflies and like butterflies always need next flowers to paint her wings. The honey bee needs the experience of different flowers to produce, so as artist :
"I'm going to make you love... I know I can... you'll become demanding and I'll be reassuring, you'll become possessive and I'll become submissive. I'll be restless when I have you around"
"we'll have fun while we're at it, but women like me never stay."
"I'll be heat for a few pages then you'll cool down,"
The tune of this poem is so enchanting. It sound so effortless yet the artistry of the stanzas are great. The virginity yet the dissoluteness, virtue and vice all weaved together :
"touch places no one else ever does"
"I'll lay down and be the sand just so you can become the ocean and be all over me." Fluid imagery!
The poetical glance bares the human emotion in this piece, there are nothing to hide. The poet reveals her inner being; she take the drape away. (10)

-------------------

Kuebiko....in Winter
by Hellon (7)

Hellon is one of the poets I've known to write sequences, good ones in fact that I can't wait to read the next one, perhaps, "Kuebiko...in the Yellow Suit" this is of course going to be about his city escapades in hopes to find Dear Sally, once more.

Going through the poem, I can honestly say that I really loved its faultless recital of events and the detailed and specific words that are precisely adapted or fine-tuned in order to obtain that perfect synchronistic events and characters in the poem. (7)

Kuebiko....in Winter (5)
by Hellon

I was charmed by the wording and captured by the imagery. (7)
-----------------

HM COMMENTS:

Death
by Safachan

This poem really touched me . I was not distracted by words that I am not familiar with and the metaphors were simple for me . That made the poem more enjoyable for me, as enjoyable as a bereavement poem can be. (10)
---------------

Credo
by Sincuna (10)

What I really love about this poem is its powerful and inspiring message which is meant for those that are overwhelmed by negativity such as losing faith and hope in life and themselves. I also find the structure to be cleverly done as it clearly signals the stylistic patterned shifts in point of view within the poem especially the placement of "I am not sorry for my mistakes.".

Most of the words used in this poem are fairly simple and common, but hey, sometimes they really are the best words to use in order to get one's idea and creativity across for they are not just easy to understand but are straightforward as well.

The end of the poem brought renewed hope that in every change lies hidden opportunity and that in every minutes that passes we have an opportunity to make our life much better. (10)

----------------------
Metamorphosis
by JaneDoeWrites (10)

I love every line of this poem! It's just Amazing! It's well written, has great rhythm and flow, and it's packed with original metaphores.

"Surrender your skin,
fray the frail dermal wires
bridging each rib to the next and
uncomplex the machinery
of your inner workings-
Unravel your nerves,
unwind each gear, every bind,
it's time you extract
the clenched clock hands
arresting your spirit
and be free of that life."

This stanza gave me goosebumps! It portrays the human body with so much detail in a spiritually freeing way... It's like taking a breath of fresh air. I can feel the way the writter is liberating herself from all that is tangible, moving on to the abstract.

"Why sit and mourn an empty shell
when there's branches of opportunity
just at your reach?
Abandon your nest of bugs and bones,
the universe awaits this leap! "

This verse is full of hope and complements the previous by showing the next step to being liberated and free, which also shows the "metamorphosis" of the human soul from depression to hope and happiness. How we move from one state of mind to another.

"Beneath, we are the yellowbirds
that life has painted crimson-
It doesn't mean that you're not beautiful,
it sings that you are different. "

The ending is so beautiful! It shows how our inner (emotional) scars and pains make us better people, how we learn from the experiences that gave us those scars. Just love it!

-------------

Sweet Temptation
by Chelsey (7)

The content of this poem fits perfectly to the tittle. It's about how we desire love and affection, which is the greatest temptation. I can feel the writers struggle with being with the person she desires to be with, how it feels to want something and not be able to get it, how we fear rejection, so we hide from the things we desire the most. The poem shows the poets inner conflict from the very beginning of the poem, how she tries to ignore her feelings but can't because everything reminds her of the person she wants to be with. This is true in real life, we go through those feelings and we develop a connection with what we can't have, we imagine what it would be like but fear to act upon our feelings. The ending for me was unexpected, but true, we sometimes want something so badly, that even a glimpse of it makes us happy. In this case being there for the person you love makes you happy, even if they don't notice it. (7)
--------------

There's only rain now
by Piogga

Great style. When I judge, I can usually tell within the first four lines whether it is worth continuing the read. Here, I was sucked in immediately. I love observant, detailed writing like this. I am especially attracted to poetry that displays an understanding of people, it is so important. This is poetry that doesn't blare or preach or cry. Instead it quietly draws out the gritty little truths in the world and makes it seem more whole and balanced somehow. Beautifully described and an engaging narrative. I am falling in love with this new writer. (7)
----------------
Silk Ribbons
by Maple Tree (7)

In this poem you can see the eyes and the soul of a painter through the entrancing sceneries that capture the visual aspect of the imagination in so much detail and in it "breezes sprinkling on jasmine." You see the sway gasping through the stanzas of this little verse. For me the word "synchronizes" was a little harsh to the dreamy mood of this poem. For me the dandelion puffing on the nose and toes is like how the poet becoms one with the spring. The last stanza for me is forced, like the poet wants to finish her production fast. I think she already described the nature "blissful glory" and "elegance" in much more elegant way, but by uttering them directly, she lowers the poem down to a simple description, by te things that were already implied beautifully. (7)
-----------------

Bad Habit
by The Huntress

I love me a good ending and that's why this poem gets my final vote. Some clever little techniques used here, almost to a point of excess at times - poetry can be a delicate balance between freedom of thought and self-mastery, the art of not pushing too hard...but sometimes it cannot be helped. I like how the subject of the poem is symbolised by the symptoms it inflicts. The only part I didn't grasp was the smoke on the toothbrush image. And I think 'descent' should be 'descend'? (4)
------------
Maybe
by Melissa (4)

I like the simplicity of this poem. It is very warm and glistening, it is about feeling. This poem is not like some other poems with complicated descriptive words that in the end the poet, even him or herself, do not recognize that she/he, has already lost the fiber of thought somewhere in between. Here the poet free herself in the air of imaginative sensations like a feather: "velvet, confetti and the sticky night" are right choices, the extreme indicators of extreme connection and deep sentiments. I did not like the last line: "I think I let go..." at first but after a while I realize it was so necessary because the poet do not want to go farther. I found out the "dear" in the end was too cold. It did not match the warmth of the other parts. Perhaps the poet has wakened up from the dream by then. (4)
-------------
Song Bird
by JamesTheShadow (4)

I didn't understand what the writer meant by "song bird" when I began reading. At first I thought it meant hope because of the line saying "if I let the light in I am sure she will sing again". I understood that the "song bird" was his heart when I reached the last line. This made the poem more meaningful, showing the transitions a heart goes through when dealing with pain, or painful memories, how it starts with sadness and depression and with hope and the will to get over the obstacles we face in life.
"If I let the right people in
she will beat once again."
This line clarifies the whole poem, showing that the reason behind this persons emotional trouble is bad company, which also gives a solution.
This poem has good flow and rhythm, is pieced perfectly by following one metaphor and elaborating on it and is just beautiful. I think we can all relate to the experience of being hurt by the people we loved most, because we sometimes make wrong choices with our relationships, whether it's a lover or a friend. (4)
--------
The Remains Of Yesterday
by Meme

The opening line made me expect one of those poems focused on poetic wording with no real thought of where it would lead but the more I read I began to see this poem was written about something even greater than observable nature. (4)

Nevermind, another thread for this.

Grats winners.

Congratulations to the winners and hms.. thank you judge for my HM and I really admire the comment, its very helpful and again thank you!

Oops... didn't even say congrats yet. Andrea you are on top of it here!
Congratulations to the winners & HM's and wonderful comments judges, some of them are very thorough. Thanks to them and Chels as usual :]

Congrats winners and HMs!!

Congrats to the winners and let's tighten up a bit.

Chelsey, you're doing fine.

Congrats Winners and HMs:)

Thank you Chels for all the effort you put in for the Weekly Contest....:)

Congrats to all winners and HM's

Thanks Chels x

Congrats winners.

Congratulation guys

I'm late wnd all, but congrats

Sorry for my late response...I'm overseas right now and have limited access to the internet. Thank you so much for the win and the comments from both judges. I'd also like to thank everyone who has left comments on my Kuibiko series....really means a lot to me. I have another two ready and waiting but...probably won't find the time to post them until I get back to Australia. Congrats to the other winners and HMs and thanks to Chels for putting this all together.

I have a question which comes from the other thread and just thought I'd post it here as it's relevant to the situation which occured this week.

Part of Larry's comment from that thread...

Apparently a judge meant to hit Yaki's poem & hit Huntress's in error, putting it into a tie with the other 10s.

If the judge hit Huntress' poem in error...shouldn't there still be a comment from this judge on Yaki's poem if that's the one the judge intended to vote on? I mean....I can only see three comments...shouldn't there be four? Maybe I'm just jet lagged still :)

No... the judge sent in their votes and comments... and then accidentally hit another poem instead of Yaki's.

So the one who voted the 10 on Yaki's poem still sent their comment and vote in to Chels/mods, but when they hit the vote button, hit the wrong poem.

Congratulations Yaki & Hellon, wonderful reads. Sorry about what happened Cynnie, it was a beautiful piece none the less!

^So the one who voted the 10 on Yaki's poem still sent their comment and vote in to Chels/mods, but when they hit the vote button, hit the wrong poem.

There were two "10" votes plus one "4" vote represented by the 3 comments. However, when I checked on Monday morning there were 14 points for the poem. One of the "10" votes was mis-cast. I could not tell because two judges did not copy the mod account. Chalk it up to freshman judge & let's get it right henceforth. There is no telling which of the other poems voted "10"would have been chosen, maybe Kismet stepped in.

Congrats, winners and HM's!