Is she right?

Hey guys, so I don't know if you have seen my profile or talked to me and heard about my issues, if you haven't let me quickly fill you in. I'm a cutter, I have been for 7 months. 8 months ago my brother died, I have depression and am suicidal because of his death. I don't have a close relationship with my parents and therefore don't feel comfortable talking to them about it or asking for a counsellor. Anyway, I was having a bad night tonight, feeling super depressed and suicidal and just missing Travis. I was feeling like no one understood me and no one cared. I was talking to my best friend. She said:

"Think of something positive. You know, like that your life isn't that bad, because honestly it's not. Your life is completely FINE. you have NOTHING to be complaining about. You need to just suck it up and get over it."

So I was thinking about it, but I don't know what to think. Is she right? I mean during the day I'm a happy person and rarely do I complain to people about my problems. She asked ME what what wrong, I didn't go complain to her.

So do I need to suck it up and get over it?

Hello, I've seen you around here before in some of the other threads! I want to say again I'm sorry for your loss and that although I could never understand exactly what you're going through, I send my thoughts/prayers.

Personally, I kind of have a strong opinion about people saying "get over it". A few days ago I actually attended a conference hosted by TWLOHA (To Write Love on Her Arms) at my college. There were a lot more people than I expected and I'm glad I went since I had heard what it was about. The speaker had a few questions and wanted any volunteers to share their thoughts. One of the questions was why a person would not feel comfortable telling another person of their issue (depression, suicidal thoughts, addiction, SH, etc.) and some people said because their first reaction would be undermining the situation. In a way they are not understanding because they can't fathom or imagine why it may be so hard for you to not be happy. To not cut, etc. That's not necessarily their fault since it can be impossible to fully understand, but I think it goes deeper than saying "suck it up". While it may be easy for one to be happy at the time, it may be extraordinary difficult and painful for another person due to where they are at in life. We are all different. We all take life in different strides.

I like your friend's encouragement. That is great. But I do (personally again, just my opinion) disagree with the whole concept of "you could be worse off" end of story. I like the humility of it, the awareness of thinking of others instead and opening our heart up to others' suffering... however, it doesn't mean our problem doesn't matter. Like let's say for example, someone says you shouldn't be sad and depressed because nothing traumatic happened to you. There doesn't need to be that tragic event, like being abused, etc. Yes, there are triggers but what people may not understand is how we feel internally. Like how a person may say a self harmer isn't as "bad off" because his/her scars aren't that deep. So that apparently makes the problem less important, less serious, or less worthy of needing attention.

Whatever reason we have for feeling how we do, whatever problems we have, they are equal in a sense that we all need counsel. All problems need to be addressed. Yes, I think it's alright to remind a person to cheer up and not complain as much but it is only natural. It means we are in need. Not every person can easily pick one's self up from their bootstraps and move on from life. That's not always realistic. We need help. We can't do it alone.

Just some thoughts... sorry for the long response! Hope things get better, remember to stay true to who you are. I hope you find your happiness, even if it takes time, it's there.

~ MaryAnne

Thank you :)

Maryanne. You make oh such great points there.I agree that you cannot just suck it up because it's not that easy. But it's not that easy to describe how you feel. Like when I tried talking to my parents I just couldn't. How can you talk to people who are part of the problem? Idk if you really can. Of course I'm not the happiest person in the world. I am unsure how to give advice though. You are also in my thoughts are prayers. Xx

I think your friend was being a bit harsh about it all, but ultimately, you 'do' need to enjoy life, but you need to heal, too! You can't 'force' healing, you need to facilitate it by being aware of it and processing it all at the pace you're comfortable with. It is natural for you to be emotional, confused and or upset when a loved one dies, but you will grow stronger for having overcome this sadness, I guarantee it, and you will overcome the sadness, and your brother and his imprint on your life will always be with you, and that's how it should be.

Disregard her comment, "suck it up" is hardly an appropriate response to a sensitive situation, that's clear to see, for me.

^^^ I agree that again you can't just suck it up. Although your brother is watching over you and wants you to be happy. You can do it. You have a family here and we will be here if you need us always. Xx

Thank you, I appreciate your help :)

You are welcome xx