Weekly Contest 2 December 2013

  • Larry Chamberlin
    10 years ago

    The judges were gracious enough to get their votes and comments in on time and I have trial early tomorrow, so I'm posting this Sunday.

    This is the first time in months I've seen four judges give top votes to one poem. Congratulations, Sincuna, for your obviously addicting poem. Mary Anne invites us to Stilted dinner Conversations, although, no doubt her relatives could talk about the weather, such as Andrea being caught in a New York Frost.

    Front Page
    Allen Carr of Love by Sincuna 10 + 10 + 10 + 10 = 40
    Stilted Conversations. by Poet on the Piano 10 + 7 = 17
    New York Frost by Maple Tree 7 + 4 = 11

    Honorable Mentions
    Bloom (ethree) by Beautiful Soul 4 + 4 = 8
    Bullfighting by RealMeaning 7
    Every Shade of Pink by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko 7
    Longing by Britt 7
    At The Mountain Top - A Drop of Hope by Everlasting 4
    Between Drops and Rains by RealMeaning 4

    Allen Carr of Love by Sincuna (10)
    I googled the name mentioned in the title because I was not familiar with it. Allen Carr - former smoker who quit his addiction and wrote/published some books on ways to tackle smoking and other addictions so, I feel this title is well suited to another form of addiction - Love. This poet raised some great comparisons between the two, using words like chain smoked, cancer withdrawal etc. That was very clever I feel. Overall this was a very creative write, one that I totally enjoyed reading.

    Allen Carr of Love by Sincuna (10)
    A pleasure to read your poems again this week and see them nominated. I feel you have a real connection with the reader, whether that be through honesty or touching others through your story. I felt honesty here again, like in last week's poem, but one that everyone thinks about and can't help be involved with. Love. I also really liked the reference of Allen Carr since I had no idea who he was. You made such a clear, vivid, logical comparison between love and that addiction. Indeed, I think lust can be blurred with love or even the need for companionship. So that love is forced or rushed upon. This obsession you describe gave me a good look into the life of Allen Carr, as he was a chain smoker. I also read his philosophy was that the smokers had a fear of "giving up" so they continued smoking. In this poem, the character was afraid of being left without love, being empty. He relied on them, and just like with love, he used many reasons and excuses. Such an enjoyable piece and I loved how you took me through history, gave me scenarios, ages, and interactions with friends and then the doctor at the end. You left me with many thoughts to ponder like this line "Because an artificial heart can never give me the same sensation as a true one would". That was dramatic and powerful. It made me think of smoker's lung after smoking for so long, how black and shriveled up it is. Thank you for sharing your poetry!

    Allen Carr of Love by Sincuna (10)
    I am overwhelmed by the originality in this poem. I love the metaphors used but also know that they can take on a reality as well, so a double meaning is really interesting here. There is a play on words, devices used, and a strength in emotion that make me really drawn to this poem. The first stanza really pulled me in, and into the second about settling for second hand affection. I love how you used this man's life and his addiction that changed his life and career path.. but you took it into love. This is just so interesting, and I keep reading it over and over and find something new. The ending absolutely broke my heart, and it made me wanting to read on, to know more. Beautifully, beautifully written!

    Allen Carr of Love by Sincuna (10)
    I don't believe I have read much of this poet's work before and all I can say is what a truly beautiful poem to introduce me to the talent displayed! I'm surprised it has no recognition as of yet and hopefully by highlighting it, it will help it gets the glory that it deserves.There's so much about this poem that I genuinely love, that I think if I were to quote my favourite lines I'd end up quoting most if not all of the entire poem. So I will instead quote the bits that really, really, stood out to me.
    "At age seventy, I took a love exam
    and my heart failed. Rushed to the Emergency room with my heart dangling from my chest."This. This is genius. Whoever heard of love being portrayed as an exam? It's such an original way of viewing it and so very true if taken literally, because love can be classed as an exam, one you either pass with flying colours if you're lucky enough to be loved in return or a slow poison that slowly kills you if unrequited.
    "The doctor asked me if I'd want a heart transplant, for its the only way to live. I replied 'No.'
    Because an artificial heart can never
    give me the same sensation as a true one would."
    I actually find this rather depressing, because of the fact it is so true. If you're living yet not loving, then you're not really living at all are you? You're just surviving...and that is no way to live at all.
    Absolutely adore the metaphors of obsession, longing and withdrawal. My only complaint (and I use the term very loosely, because this is one of my favourite reads in a very long time) is that most of the poem seemed to be taking place over time and suddenly went straight into death within one or two lines...it left me wanting more and thinking maybe it could have been elaborated on.
    All in all, as I said, I LOVE this.

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    Stilted Conversations by Poet on the Piano (10)
    Comment: This is an example of a clever poem. How elegantly has POTP described the scene over a dining table and the things that take place from making the food to serving to having it. I really enjoyed the way the poem flowed and the little funny incidents the poet shared. Really a thought after and great poem! Great work!

    Stilted Conversations by Poet on the Piano (7)
    "What an interesting, observant write! I love the descriptive nature of this poem and how in depth the write got. I, too, cringed when she talked of the eager beaver brother eating, the noises and irritations came through the poem and I felt them! Thanksgiving can really bring out some interesting things, topics, and conversations with people, but just sitting back and people watching is the really intriguing part of family gatherings. There is such a sense of awkwardness in this poem that I've definitely experienced, and I felt really connected to it. Very interesting spin on a Thanksgiving poem!"

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    New York Frost by Maple Tree (7)
    I've found there is nobody who portrays imagery quite like Andrea does and this is one of the reasons she is one of my favourite writers.
    She is able to make me visualise such vivid scenes in my mind and I've found over the years that that isn't something many people can do, and even the few that can certainly don't do so in any close way that she does.
    It's one of the reasons I always get excited when reading nature poems from her, and I was pleasantly surprised when I saw that this wasn't a nature poem yet still had the detailed vivid imagery I have come to know expect and love.
    I actually keep rereading this over and over and each time the sadness throughout hurts a little more. You have managed to create a poem where the reader can actually sense, feel, and share your pain and sorrow which isn't always easy to achieve. More often than not, when trying to describe these emotions many authors simply end up with a jumble of words that the reader doesn't feel but here... here, my heart breaks a little more with every read.
    The only thing I wasn't really keen on was the last line. I don't know if this has some personal meaning to the author, but even if it does given I'm not privy to it, it seems to me this line and this line alone doesn't hold as much sway as the rest of the poem does.
    Even with that being said, this poem will remain a firm favourite of mine just as the poet herself will.

    New York Frost by Maple Tree (4)
    "I felt so much more personal feeling in this poem than just the freeze out the writer is speaking of. I feel like this person has experienced so much loss and pain while in this city that she feels drawn to leave that all behind, and even the warmth inside her is telling her to feed her spirit elsewhere. This poem says so much in so little, and has so much heart to it. I love the setting, but love the metaphor more. Really beautiful!"

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    Bloom ( Etheree ) by Beautiful Soul (4)
    Comment: This poem is terrific with the imagery it brings across. A subtle and beautiful scene of flowers and the way they bloom with nature's mystical powers makes this a mesmerizing poem! Great flow and good words to describe nature.

    Bloom (ethree) by Beautiful Soul (4)
    I'm not very keen on formed poetry as I feel it often limits the author when having to stick to a set rhyme scheme, syllable structure etc but I didn't find that here and actually thought that this was quite beautifully done.
    I've found with the shorter forms you really have to make every word count and try not to use filler words such as and, the, but I, etc as doing so doesn't leave you much room to make much of an impression and yet so many authors still use them, but here I found the author managed to convey so much beauty and meaning in such a small form without ever losing my interest as I read through the poem in its entirety.
    The only thing I didn't like was the use of "my" as I felt the poem then became about the author instead of nature and would suggest rewording. I realize the way it is keeps it to the syllable count but feel it would read better if that personal edge was taken from it.

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    Bullfighting by RealMeaning (7)
    A very difficult topic to write about without turning the reader off but this author put the subject over in a way that it remained tasteful while still getting the message across that this is, indeed, a horrific sport. I think this was achieved by having a lot of words starting with the same letter scattered throughout, it sort of softened the subject without detracting from it in any way. This, together with a few internals rhymes made for a perfect flow. Although this was a sad topic it was written in such an elegant fashion that I couldn't help but enjoy it. Well done.

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    Every Shade of Pink by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko (7)
    Comment: The entire piece is profoundly crafted and every word and imagery makes great sense. I have really grown fond of this poet's poems as they carry a lot of wisdom and a tale to tell. The comparison of windmill to his poetry and his experiences, making this an enjoyable write!

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    Longing by Britt (7)
    You have such a presence with your words Britt, they are never just descriptions or feelings told, they are something lived and alive that reaches the reader. My favorite stanzas are actually the middle and last one, I feel the beginning stanza could have had a stronger opening. "until the moment to catch up into memory becomes just right" seems like a bit of a mouthful. I see what you are saying here, but would have liked you to expand more than catching up into it, maybe an image of that specific. With the second stanza, I can easily see you flipping through a calendar with many emotions that are hidden from others... doing it lethargically, or with fear, or with disappointment. What a soft image you give there. This makes me imagine the celebration of a new year, but how it is also moving on for others, it is a struggle to be completely healed from the weight of that memory and it's shame. I think your absolute best lines are "she's slipping herself into relevancy again"- I have never heard wording quite like that! Very powerful, and it makes that mystery of "her" gnaw at me a bit more... is this the alternate you or someone from your past? She is becoming more potent in your life, becoming part of your everyday thought. That ending leaves my heart hurting as you cannot say she can necessarily be stopped because it is the nature of memories to haunt you. It gives me a feeling you are detached as well from reality because you feel you will just have to suffer from this reminiscence. Well done.

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    A The Mountain Top - A Drop of Hope by Everlasting (4)
    First of all, can I ask if the title should be At the Top of the Mountain?
    I've read this poem over and over and fall in love with it a little more each time. I just flows like liquid gold from start to finish and this made me wonder if it's a certain style of formed poetry? If so, I suggest adding a footnote at the bottom for the reader. I also found the layout to be very eye catching. I thought this verse to be very well presented both in structure and content. Nice job, Enjoyable read.

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    Between Drops and Rains by RealMeaning (4)
    I agree with others who have commented on this poem prior, I do not understand everything you write either, it may have a specific meaning to you that others aren't aware of yet. It means a lot to me even if I have a different take/interpretation of it. I love the idea throughout this peace of unity through our language. It actually reminds me of a metaphor I have heard about Hinduism, that is a river where new streams are constantly uniting. There is that full sense of unity here, that though we come from varying cultures, we have a belonging that is unique and uncompromising. Very precise wording here. The last lines makes me think also that everything is connected, even opposites have crossed paths at some point, and that nothing is fleeting maybe? Some things are eternal.

  • Beautiful Soul
    10 years ago

    Congrats winners and hm's and thank you for the comments :)

  • Mahal Ko Kuya Ko
    10 years ago

    Congratulations to the winners and HM's :-D:-D

    PS .. Tibay mo talaga, Kuya Justin :-P:-P

  • Poet on the Piano
    10 years ago

    Thank you so much Larry and judges, an honor to share the front page with Sincuna and Andrea, congrats you guys! Great work to all the HM's as well!

  • Britt
    10 years ago

    Thanks so much judge on your comment. It was a poem about my miscarriage, which will have been four years this Jan.

    Thanks for such an insightful comment. I truly appreciate it.

  • Everlasting
    10 years ago

    Thank you Judge for your comment and HM!
    My poem was an attempt at a Rondeau, Except that I used two Refrains instead of one.

    Sincuna Congratulations and Mary Anne and Andrea too on your win.

    Thank you judges for the great job.

  • Sincuna
    10 years ago

    Thank you for the lovely comments, I'm truly grateful. Our judges are good readers the way they reflect on our works.

    Congrats as well to POTP and Maple Tree. Wonderful poems fitting the current occassion. The HM's as well, really loved Britt's Longing.

    It's a bit nostalgic and almost embarassing to have my poem there since it was one of my early try in spoken word, I awkwardly used it in our local poetry slam eliminations about 5 years ago when I wrote it. Drunk from reading J.McDaniel poetry, I tried writing such style. It was a fun write.

    Thanks again for the appreciation.

  • Mahal Ko Kuya Ko
    10 years ago

    Tibay mo talaga, Kuya Justin :)))

    Congratulations :))

  • Hannah Lizette
    10 years ago

    Congrats all, beautiful work!

  • ddavidd
    10 years ago

    Thanks

  • Hellon
    10 years ago

    By the way I am tiered of all these fake compliments and thanks.
    ^^^

    previous comment from you...

    I hope this thanks isn't fake????

  • Sylvia
    10 years ago

    Congratulations to everyone, nice work this week.

  • ddavidd
    10 years ago

    The only thing that is not fake is the politeness.

    the point is as a living being, more and less, we all are obligated to engage to the things that are at least partially fake. The difference is we have to acknowledge those , at least to ourselves, specially as poets.
    An Authentic soul would realize that.
    haha she/he would also pay more attention to intonation.
    Trying to catch me is a waste of time. You can not go against spirit with your thought: She is indefinitely more intelligent than both of us!!

    Another thank to Larry for being a good good sport.

  • Maple Tree
    10 years ago

    Thank you Larry for the awesome introduction :-)

    Congratulations to Mary Anne and Sincuna for your beautiful poems, really makes me smile to share the front page with you both! Congratulations to the Hm's as well!!

    Thank you so much judges for the awesome and in depth comments, and I thank you very much for the nice compliments. My ending line is a personal "code" in regards to socks.. I wasn't keen on my ending line, but for personal reasons I needed to keep it that way :-)

    Truly a nice surprise today, made me smile <3

  • ddavidd
    10 years ago

    By the way no thanks ( and hugs in that matter) to Maple tree for kicking my poems' buttocks this week.

  • Maple Tree
    10 years ago

    Giggles and Hugs back!!