Weekly Contest Winners 30/12/2013

Colm here! Sorry the results and comments are a day late, busy time of year continues! One judge will add comments and I'll post them here when I get them. This week saw 3 clear winners (no ties) with an unusual event of a poem getting a vote from 4 of the 5 judges but still not making it to the front page! Just shows the high quality represented this week. As always, thanks to the judges for their hard work and dedication, especially at this busy time of the year.

Winners:

Social Media - The Huntress - 10 + 10 + 10 + 7 = 37pts
A Boome Beach at night - Abracadabra - 10 + 7 + 4 = 21pts
The Lantern, the muse - JaneDoeWrites - 10 + 7 = 17pts

HM's

Derelict - Narph - 4 + 4 + 4 + 4 = 16pts
Crows - Poet on the Piano = 7pts
Silver Hair, Lavender Eyes = 7pts

Comments:

Social Media by The Huntress

Comment: Huntress, I am really a big fan of your writing. The poem has incorporated the elements of Social Media and you tried showing the dark reality behind those status updates and what it meant. In a way, I found this method of writing unique with a sudden different tangent of wool and winter. This was cleverly done. I am amazed! (10)

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"Social media allows people to be anonymous, passive aggressive, and vague, which this poem touched based on all three pieces. I love how modern this poem is, as it's relate-able to teens and young adults today, but also holds the emotional frustration that everyone can connect with. I love the use of the metaphors with weather as well, thought poetically it really worked here. In this poem, I see a young girl who doesn't realize how good she truly is, how deserving she is of good things.. so she pushes people away. She wants him to see the "flawed" her so she feels..maybe better about herself, so she can continue being the victim. Very interesting and psychological thought process here! (10)
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The complete inclusion of social media in this piece really made your emotions that much more realistic since social media seems to dominate our culture. It would be confusing to define a relationship on-line, set boundaries or have to look for hidden meanings, because when things aren't said aloud, how can you ever be sure? With the metaphor of the icescape, I realized your insecurities are brought to the surface here. You're admitting them to the reader that while this mask is tiring and exhausting, you need it for this love. Otherwise, your true self will be shown and that makes you afraid. At least, that's the meaning I found but I'm sure there is much more. The last few lines were heartbreaking yet I liked how you didn't try to downplay any feelings but straight out say you do have this ugliness. That made me believe it's not something shallow or skin-deep beauty that haunts you, but your past whether that be choices or how you determine your worth. Over contemplating more at the end, I also thought you could be saying you are just a puppet of social media and nothing more. That it controls you and you have little input, so there is no depth or growth for love. Interesting write! (7)

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I'm becoming a huge fan of your writing. You have such a way with words that really allows me to think and feel, and I adore the subtle sarcasm that you placed throughout this poem.

Your opening line made me smile slightly, so many people are guilty of venting their emotions via social networking sites instead of talking to the person they have an issue, and this often leads to many more problems being created because of other people's involvement, words being taken out of context etc.

I thought this poem was both apt and wonderfully written but at the same time it creates such melancholic feelings within me-because we are dominated by social media, we do conform to what is expected of us by the media, and it controls a huge part of our lives and most of the time we don't even realize this.

You managed to take such a personal subject and one that is somewhat overdone and yet turn it into your own piece of unique art. There was never a time I was bored throughout nor a time when I found myself thinking how something had been stated several times before by others, which I often find myself doing with poems of this genre/subject.

Wonderful and thought provoking write. (10)

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A Broome beach at night by: Abracadabra

I was very drawn to this piece, experiencing wonder and awe at the end because of how much you give in these few verses. The piece almost has this mystic, universal feel which makes me ponder not just my own history, but everyone's and what impact we leave.... wherever we have lived, traveled and whatever culture we are a part of. Immediately, I was able to be near the sea and be in the simple moment of star-gazing. It made me think about constellations, the ones I can't name, possible galaxies, and wondering who else is looking up at the same sky. I loved the reminder that some stars are able to be seen but don't exist because they are distant, and it takes time for that light to reach Earth. Will always leaves me curious, asking why? How? Makes me want to go to a planetarium now and see the shows they do regarding astronomy. The "we" intrigued me as either this is personal, two companions under the stars or humans as a whole. On a side note, I had to google Broome as I assumed it's a place and found it is in Australia, where you are from? Love how you included that specific....beautiful piece. (10)

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The bit about the stars are what made me really fall in love with this poem - how they stop existing but you can still see their light later. It made me think about death, and how once we lose our loved ones, their light can still shine in our lives. We still feel them throughout habits, traditions and memories. Beautifully written, and very interesting indeed. (7)
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I like the starkness of this poem. You've captured a simple moment on a beach at night so clearly with the light of a cigarette. Then tied in ideas of existentialism, expanding outward from two people sitting on a beach to the entirety of the cosmos. What I love best is how the reflections of the cigarette in the glasses mimic the stars. There's a history of light being transmitted to you over centuries and centuries from afar, but maybe more important are the memories of a closer light: of tiny spots of light reflected in the glasses of someone you care about enough to sit with them on the beach late at night, watching the stars and thinking about life. Very sweet. (4)

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The Lantern, The Muse - by JaneDoeWrites

I really like this poem. Just everything about it: the imagery, the voice, the sentiment, it's all beautiful. To start, the descriptions the poet has used are satisfyingly relatable and effortless, without being cliche or sugarcoated. "Cigarette smoke film glazing the walls," already, I feel like I am in the room with you, like I remember the person you're writing about, like I want to help you peel the paint off those walls and follow you through the rest of the poem. It's truly an experience. I love the specifics: the guitar-picking fingers that connect the dots with your freckles especially. So vivid. But if I had to choose, I think the last stanza must be my favorite. I can't get over how beautiful it is. What a great, great poem. (10)

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Your first verse made me think of the times we have lost a former romantic partner and how we try to avoid their side of the bed, because it reminds us of how it was theirs, how it was routine, how we came to expect it, became accustomed to it and never thought that it would change. And what I love, is that you made me think of this without phrasing it in a cliche way: you mentioned the walls instead of the bed as so many do, which made it original as soon as you started writing.

"when our kisses were shooting stars
that inaudibly whispered
all we wished for."

I absolutely adore this. The imagery, feeling and emotion here is so intense , and I've never heard/seen anyone referring to kisses as shooting stars which again adds to your originality, whilst simultaneously creating such pretty imagery for me. Beautiful.

Your last verse had me tear up slightly..so incredibly moving! The pain of losing a loved one is one of the worst things we can feel during our life times, and something we would all avoid if we could, and yet at the same time we all know deep down it's going to happen to us sooner or later as it's part of maturing and growing up.

Your last two lines were the most heartfelt to me, simply because of the yearning that oozes through your written words, it really allows your readers to feel what you feel and to wish for this happy ending along with you.

Lovely work. (7)

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HM's

Derelict - by Narph

This was the anonymous poem I wanted to win in the challenge from the main boards, and I'm glad it did! I was nodding along with this poem because it has your voice speaking from it, yet I find myself in it. I read another poem this week about this same topic... it can be multiple reasons why we choose to sleep in and not get up: laziness, indifference, making excuses, and the biggest reason is probably because it can be so comfortable to just stay where we are! I know especially with winter, it's hard to distance yourself from blankets or to think about having to brave the outside weather. I loved the repeat of "forgive me" because I feel it gave attitude yet this likeable and charismatic sense about you... that you can't be blamed because you are innocent and these blankets overpower you. What I admire is how you went the extra step in not flat out saying it was because of laziness or wanting to stay in bed, but putting in a poetic, captivating way.... it sort of reminded me of Sleeping Beauty. Nothing can wake you up and others will have to let it be for now. (4)

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"You just described every single morning of my life. I love how well you expressed something I feel every morning - it's just too cold to do anything but sleep under those warm, cozy blankets. Such description and reality here. Love it! (4)

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Comment: Intriguing poem! I may not be able to express how intelligently this piece is written. The imagery that is penned here is terrific. Perfect poem. (4)

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I love the uniqueness of this poem! From the title, I certainly didn't expect to be reading something like this, and that was such a pleasant surprise.

What I love about Narph's work is how she can take the most random of things and turn it into such a lovely piece of art. Each and every time I think she can't get any better she surprises me with a new poem, and I adore how she takes inspiration from things most people would never even consider turning into poetry.

The imagery you create here is lovely, and I believe on those cold winter mornings we can all relate to this-we want nothing more than to stay nice and cozy and do nothing productive, and you manage to phrase this in an elegant way instead of just simply stating it in a single sentence. Lovely. (4)

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Crows - by Poet on the Piano

In my opinion, nearly every word in this poem has been well chosen and sculpted to give the reader a true experience: a glimpse into your experiences. I interpret this as a description of PTSD, though I'm not sure what happened to the writer. I think maybe that's what makes it so strong though. Without expressly describing what happened then and what's happening now, you've managed to communicate the feeling, to show us the fear, the vulnerability, and struggle of managing the unbidden memories that pop up out of nowhere. I especially like the start, the straight forward voice that immediately admits to the reader that you're "better than last September", but immediately contrasts sparkling snow with shattering glass. The poem is graphic and questioning, a great combination. The only line I think should be reexamined is "Decompose me, slowly" because I'm not sure why you would want someone else to decompose you? Instead, if you considered something simpler, like "Watch me, carefully, as I try on new injuries that..." etc. Something that tied in to the rest of the stanza more concretely. Aside from that, this poem is gold. The last few lines are heartbreaking and oh so real. I truly truly hope the poet is alright, this poem makes me want to hug you until everything is all better, and I suppose that is the greatest heartbreak of this poem. That the horrible thing has passed, but it haunts you still, even in the sparkling snow. Excellent job! (7)

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Silver Hair, Lavender Eyes by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko

Comment: Mahal, you are really a poetic genius! Everytime I read your poem, I feel compelled to read it many times because of its structure and the thoughts you share. You have been writing real good poems. This Single line poem structure defines you, your poem and signifies some beautiful and intriguing read is about to come. The entire poem is phrased so beautifully, just anyone would be lost in between the words. You are amazing! (7)

Congrats to all the winners and hms

Congratulations to the winners and HM's ..

Congrats and thanks to all!

Congratulations

Congrats to all and Happy Holidays!

Congrats to all!!

Nice going folks
Narph actually got more comments than the winners, too!

Awesome job, congrats winners & HM's! Thank you also to whoever gave the critique on my poem, that means a lot and I appreciate the reflection. I'm learning a lot by it and I like the suggestion as well. By "decompose me, slowly" I meant, break me down because I know I can't be whole again. I was listening to "The Kill" by 30 Seconds to Mars and was thinking of the line where they repeat "Bury me, bury me".

Thanks for the comments/HM, you wonderful wonderful people! :)
PS, Happy New Years guys!

Thanks for the win! Some very insightful comments, especially from one not-so-mysterious judge. I like the other poems on the front page with me. Well done, all.

I know it is all about the judges!!

faceless judges making faceless judgments.

The 3 comments have been added from the judge and the original post has been edited to include them. 10pts for 'Social Media;' 7pts for 'The Lantern, The Muse;' and 4 points for 'Derelict.'

So, my judging buttons are gone, I assume I can finally out myself as a judge (as if everyone didn't know, I can't mask my comments). lol