One Time Challenge - Winner!

Voting Winner!

I received three votes in total, and the three votes were for:

"The Twin Shades" by Thomas

Congratulations!

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Winner chosen by me:

This was a tough one as all of the poems had the same rate. Not sure how... It was closed.

Title: The Twin Shades - 6 points / 10
Title: A Moment Away - 6 points / 10
Title: Drama Queen - 6 points / 10

But the reason why I'm choosing the one I'm choosing is because of the hard work put to it. Specially because I wanted to see a Story poem with an idea that can be interpreted in two ways and that the idea would be clearly expressed. I didn't received exactly what I was looking for in all the three poems, yet I got to say that I enjoyed reading them. And that each poem had something that captivated me. Either the story, either the idea, or either the though provoking content.

But I have to chose a winner.. and thus I give extra .5 to the poem "Drama Queen .

So the Winner chosen by me " Drama Queen by Michael."

Congrats!

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And THE Winner of the Winner of this Challenge goes to:

Yup, as we know it. To " The Twin Shades" by Thomas.

If I add the votes given to the score, he receives the highest scoring.

Congratulations and thank you for participating.

Title: The Twin Shades

In the Everglade forest, shrouded in the night,
deep beyond the veil, far beyond the blight,
lived twin elven sisters - both of a wonderful sight;
Mistresses of the moon, powerful in dark and light.

Since their birth, they were proven fighters;
One much more stronger, one with more manners.
A bond, beyond mortal bounds or banners,
their sparks made increasingly heavy desires.

Despite their bond, beyond mortal measures,
with all their deeply arousing pleasures,
the elder sister persisted, with her victorious endeavors,
overlapping a shadow, covering all inferiors.

This shadow grew, alarming the younger;
she wished to tell her of the growing monster,
but she knew, how intensely this would hurt her:
"Goddess, aide me!", she called out for her sister.

But, she did nothing, so shadow had covered the land.
She could do nothing - the story became bland,
A situation that simply, came out of hand,
She could do nothing, for she'd sink deeper in the sand.

I liked to a certain degree, the story I was presented with. I liked how the rhymes where executed. They flowed almost natural. I also enjoyed the narrative and the voice it has. However, for the main idea, I was hoping to see a more stronger and clearer one. Some idea that had two interpretations. I'm not sure how to explain it. I mean you covered the part where she "wished to tell her... but she knew how [telling her] would hurt her," in other words, you adhere - up to some degree- to what I asked for in terms of the idea. You see, in terms of the idea I was looking for some kind of play on words. Something sort of clever but more clearer . .

Another point is that the last stanza confused me. I'm not sure who "she" is , is it the older or the younger sister, who did nothing? I mean on the previous stanza, the younger wished to tell her sister of the growing monster, yet she knew that by telling her it would hurt her older sister, so she said " Goddess, aide me!", but then did the older sister not help her( did nothing), or did the younger not tell her sister of the growing monster ( did nothing)? At least for me, in that part is not too clear.

But, she did nothing, so shadow had covered the land.

^ this line sounds a bit strange on so "the" shadow?

Overall, I enjoyed the story and the enthusiasm that I felt this piece was written with, when I read it.

Story - 2/2
Idea - 1/5
Figurative language - 2/2
Own style 1/1

Total: 6/10

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Title: A Moment Away

She asked me
I want to be all the time with you
not even a moment away.
I responded:
the only way to be all the time with me
is by staying away
for then
all that I can think of
is nothing
but you
not even
a moment away.

Story: 0/2
Idea : 4/5
Figurative language: 1/2
Own style: 1/1

6/ 10

I like the idea of this piece. I would have liked it more if I was told more than just what she asked and what he responded; or even more If I was narrated a little bit of the background story, of the why she asked what she ask per se, or of the why he responded the way he responded; or at least to have some visual of where this conversation took place. In other words, to narrate me the story behind the idea ( whether real or not). But this idea comes closer to what I was looking for. The girl wants to be with this guy all the time, but based on the guy's response, it can be seen like the guy "doesn't" want to be with the girl all the time. So to not hurt her feelings he tells her that is better if she stays away because that way, she will be all the time with him as he thinks about her. Now that's one way I can understand it. Another way would be, that he sees it in a realistic way, That it's impossible to be with him all the time, so in turn he responded what he did, to cheer her up... in a way sort of like saying... that He will miss her as much as she misses him when they are a moment away, yet when they are not together, it's still like they are -- at least for him, as she is with him in his thoughts. It's sweet.

Wonderful! I'm happy to see one idea like this.

I also would have liked to see the two parts of the interpretations developed further in the story. That's why I gave a 4 instead of just a full 5 in the idea.

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Title: Drama Queen

It seems it has been ages
since she was on stage,
as we review the pages
of a distant dramatic age.

Stories we have written
about the time we shared.
Many of those smitten,
we're sure, now are scared.

Even her friends called her a Queen
of restless turmoil and drama.
Even when she stayed clean
in a test like that of the life of Rama.

Comedy & tragedy have a common denominator
with loose laughter and many a tear,
as a fraction has a nominator
to be a half is our greatest fear !

Story: 2/2
Idea : 1/5
Figurative language: 2/2
Own style : 1/1

Total 6/10

Alright, in this piece, you got my full attention during the first three stanzas. But when I reached the fourth one, I felt like I wanted to read a little more of this "Drama" Queen before reaching the concluding stanza. However, I got to say I love those rhymes and the rhythm I got from this piece.

On the three line of Stanza four.. Do you mean nominator or numerator? I feel that to get a glimpse of this piece one has to be familiar with the life of Rama. If you don't mind, could you give me a little insight of what you meant with this poem via Pm? Thank you.

But What I interpreted with " to be a half is our greatest fear!" was that to be alone is what one fears the most. I thought this story revolved around a couple. The narrator probably being the husband, saying she was making a drama perhaps because she fear to be alone, to lose her husband even though she had already endured the most difficult hardships a relationship brings? I'm probably way off with my interpretation and it's probably not about a couple, however thank you. It is making me think. I even went to read a little bit of the life of Rama. It's really interesting.

As far as the idea goes, it's not exactly what I pictured though if I think about it I think ( as I feel this is narrater from a husband's point of view) that he is telling her to not be a drama queen, or she may end up alone.

On the three line of Stanza four.. Do you mean nominator or numerator?
Numerator would have probably worked better but I wanted a play on the strong metaphor of 1/2 de/nominator
The numerator is the top part of a fraction, the denominator is the bottom part, and nominator is not an appropriate term for any part of a fraction.

I have seen nominator used to mean both "numerator" and "denominator". According to a question on this at English.stackexchange, this use of "nominator" is exceedingly rare.

Rather than people having been taught that "nominator" was appropriate, I think that it is far more often the case that the use of "nominator" is an eggcorn that has arisen due to its resemblance to the other two words.

I think using "nominator" should be discouraged because it already has a wholly different meaning, and has no etymological connection to fractions to speak of. It is also helps to confuse the meanings of the proper terms, if it is mixed with them.
Poetic license in the math of romance lol
I could not help but think about my ex wife who always blew everything out of proportion
Drama = comedy & tragedy ,but I got a bit more than I had bargained for

Rama is the husband of Sita, whom Hindus consider to be an Avatar of Lakshmi and the embodiment of perfect womanhood.[6][7]

Rama's life and journey is one of perfect adherence to dharma despite harsh tests of life and time. He is pictured as the ideal man and the perfect human.

A gender bender for my ex's boldness
When she was good she was as extreme as when she was "bad"

http://s289.photobucket.com/user/poetrymd/library/?sort=6&page=1

Thank you for the insightful reply, I think I got some of it XD

specially with:

"Numerator would have probably worked better but I wanted a play on the strong metaphor of 1/2 de/nominator"

Congrats :)

Thanks for the honors!
I used the numerous amount of "She" in the last verses to add a play of words. You are ment to interpret the poem in your own way, by choosing who "she" can be.
To be taken bluntly, the straightforward way would be that the younger could do nothing; she was stuck inbetween the need to protect her sister, and the need to protect the land from the coming shadow (Demon, Devil, Spirit, whatever you wish to take it as).
Shadow, or The Shadow, represents the coming evil that would corrupt the Everglade forest. I did not give it a concrete name, as it was ment to inspire the idea of true evil. Overall, the evil shrouds everything, and the sisters, persumably, could have been converted to it, consumed or entrapped into it.
Shadow could also be interpretated as depression or insanity. It's interesting to view it as that, at least from my prespective.

Congratulations, Thomas

good work for all to make it so close!

Thank you Larry

oops it is Thomas not me. My cover is blown

The good thing is I am winning all the competitions one way or another.