The Weekly 1-27-14

Greetings ladies and gents.
Two sets of comments have yet to be turned in, but please remain calm.
Without further ado, the winners of this week! Hannah, Novalyn, and Armada!

WINNERS:

Bastille
by Hannah Lizette
17 pts

MYTHOS
by: Novalyn Grace RR
14 pts

Black Gold
by Armada the Gestalt
14 pts

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

The Dreaming Tree
by: Sincuna
7 pts

Siriusly, I'm Gonna Miss You Potter
by: Narph
4 pts

This Unplanned Life
by Inside the Liar
10 pts

The Outside World
by Kakera
7 pts

Spirits That Roam
by Free Spirits
4 pts

Get Lost
by The Huntress
7 Points

COMMENTS:

Bastille
by Hannah Lizette

"Hannah is a beautiful descriptive writer! Her display of wording is crafted and designed in such a way that it makes the reader possibly think back to someone they have known in the past or previous.

Reflections of the past gone wrong and wishing for better days is what comes to mind within this poem. The detailed way she describes his face and smoking a cigarette puts a vivid picture in my mind of a man with a war torn past in his soul.

This poem is deep, very deep and I can't help but fall in love with it!
I truly love the ending, "holding his state issued bible" helps create the ending and allows the reader to possibly feel like this man was imprisoned, either in the physical sense or mental sense, either way.. It's breathtaking in so many ways!!" (7)

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MYTHOS
by Novalyn Grace RR

"This poem had a great flow, from your wordplay to the way they were arranged to the metaphors. I felt your eccentric thoughts, felt the imagery as you made unique places for them and had me finding the meaning in ways I might not have. The ending lines were my favorite in portraying that wonder and awe of someone, how it is almost like they live in an enchanted universe you're trying to reach. They are an ancient god you are trying to know the secrets of, trying to be a part of. I know some people have ideas of what sounds more poetic, and this to me felt like I opened a book from an older poet and sunk into their words. Even in the beginning, I felt this rush of excitement as you are almost daring to get closer to them, not just touch their lips but enter their thoughts even, realize what your story and their story could be together. Will definitely come back to read this as I think you can experience even more the second, third time, etc. This piece really intrigued me and had a spark!" (10)

"Beautiful poem by Novalyn Grace RR ~

She etches her words with beauty and dips them in moon dust! I say this because I feel romantically head over heels in the first stanza! She takes the beauty of moon and creates a romantic scene.

The separation of the word "Jumping" caused me to fall even deeper in love with this poem. To use creativity with words shows that writer is not afraid to take chances, and she has done that and more with this poem!

It's such a sad piece of loss and again the emotions are encased in such elegant and unique words. Just beautiful!!!" (4)

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Black gold
by Armada the Gestalt

"If you are an avid reader and lover of Metaphoric poetry, then hold onto your seat and enjoy the ride with this piece, WOW!

Armada the Gestalt is a new author and poet for my eyes and I was mesmerized!

The starting stanza sets the stage for me-

"My ribcage
is a coffin for the little birds
I named like dreams
after poets and philosophers
and rivers and the ghosts of gods"

Dreams are a powerful image in the mind of a writer and when expressed in such a way as it is here, the reader can't help but get caught up in a mixture of emotions and feelings! Naming the rib cage as a coffin just made me tear up and yet it excited me! Metaphoric writing is an explosive style of writing, it's fun and when filled with explosive word usage, a writer can make it happen, and this author did that and much more...

Continuing on- The writer to me is expressing the power, push and struggle of life.. carrying on: and the usage of naked three times was brilliant! Naked to me = exposure of the bare soul of the writers feelings and emotions of dreams and ambitions.

In many aspects I feel this is a rise above hatred and or discrimination in many aspects with regards to the last stanza, and I am simply in awe of this poem... just brilliant!!!!!!" (10)

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The Dreaming Tree
by Sincuna

"This is soothing to read and has a soft, nurturing quality about it. From your opening line I know everything this person does is done with beauty and grace, even if they don't mean it. Almost like you find beauty in their faults, in their failures, because you know they get right back up again. Also, that they are here because of fate perhaps. There are no coincidences in life. You personify the tree so well, I almost forget what perspective you are writing from until you mention this person may use your branches for lumber. What makes this poem so touching (and reminds me of "the Giving Tree") is how you don't just offer the obvious part of you, wood being used for warmth, but you offer your consolation. If this person needs to cry out in anger or needs comfort when lonely, you will be there. Almost like you have a soul. I could feel your sincerity as you observe this person, never in a harsh way, but in an honest one. How you still seem to adore them, how you almost act like a guardian who wishes to protect them from the evils of the world. Beautiful ending that shows how selfless you are. You are living for this person and possibly for anyone else who needs help, who is brought down by the reality of the world. You are peace, nature is peace, and you offer that with gentleness. Such a gem to read!" (7)

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Siriusly, I'm Gonna Miss You Potter
by Narph

"I may be a bit biased in that I am an avid reader of the Harry Potter series, but I think one can experience the same charm and adventure if they have not read the books. Yes, there are a lot of clever references, but it is appealing to those who didn't have their childhood revolving around this magical world. The idea of having something to look forward to and imagine a world like this is breathtaking. I remember carrying around those large books, feeling triumphant because it was the longest book I had read in grade school. The neat thing was, a lot of my classmates were reading them as well so we would often compare the different books or even the movies. Same with my family. My dad and brother all read the series and we would often quote Snape or Dumbledore or even something silly. It brought us together. Personally, I try to make a goal to re-read this series at least every summer because I need a project like that, and I don't remember all the details over those months. Anyways, I love how you don't write a vague poem or mention one scene that struck you. You go through the history, you get involved emotionally and I feel that sense of pride you have, as well as pride I realize I've had for following these characters. There isn't one line I enjoy over another because they all tell a story. Very creative, inventive, and respectable telling of this series and the impact it had on many. You go the extra mile in noting the humor and the nostalgia (that even Voldemort has haha) because it does come to an end. Am not in the slightest disappointed. Thanks for the read!" (4)

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This Unplanned Life
by Inside the Liar

"There are moments in each person's life which are pivotal, not so much as they offer a choice, but that they provide a clear perception of the results of the choices we have already made.
This poem beautifully etches such a moment in glazed crystal. It will stay with the woman as a memento on the shelf, to be kept free of dust, even when not consciously experienced. The opening stanza sets a tranquil domestic scene that would warm the heart of any person. The second stanza artfully raises doubt in the ticking off of roles played by the speaker. After all, these are both the litany of the persona of most women in today's society, but may be a cause of frustration to many when taken for granted. The final lines taken together reveal the goblet as the fire cools around the crystal: the moment at the very end when we find she is not complaining to the man that he has trapped her into this position, but that he has abandoned her to it without him! It is not who she has become she disfavors but that he is not the one to share it with her. This poem is well crafted art." (10)

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The Outside World
by Kakera

"This poem exudes a poignancy so thick it threatens to envelop me as I read it over and over. The paradoxical image of the outside world as being a threatening haven is reinforced throughout, from the "razor-blade winds" and the "noise [that] infatuates" to singing "screams of anxiety" in lament at her entrapment. The poem does not lapse into maudlin self-pity but sustains a high level of tension, almost a mantra of self-affirmative encouragement. I get at the end that the first step outside is not that far away." (7)

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Spirits That Roam
by Free Spirits

"Not until I read the bottom of the page did I realize multiple parties collaborated on this work. It is magnificent in the driving spirit akin to the race of the pack across frozen tundra. The Spirit is indeed free and unbridled, monstrous and marvelous at once. The poem carries a theme from the opening stanza which sets up the sense of ancestral wolves, then expresses the visceral experience it invokes, delving then to knowledge of ancient wisdom, accepting it is beyond ken, deciding to accept its unfathomable nature, and finally cherishing this complex heritage. Seamless and meaningful, excellent." (4)

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS:

Bastille by Hannah Lizette 10 Points

This piece is just so... can I say professional? Maybe? There are no unnecessary words. No overbearing language... no intangible or hyper metaphorical thought processes, just clear, elegant, straight forward visuals that create and define a character I feel like I could reach out and touch, or talk to, or read about in a Hemingway novel. I love the first stanza, and how it doesn't quite match the rest of the piece. It's airy and lovey-dovey, and held in sharp contrast to the rolled up cigarette and wrinkles. This poem has dimension, it's so creative and vibrant. Really well done, I love it.

Get Lost by The Huntress 7 Points

This piece starts strong and finishes on another level. The whole poem builds a question of who the speaker is and what the circumstances are, so when the last line switches the tone from descriptive to explicit ("I'm not staying for dinner"), the rest of the piece suddenly hums with new life. Great technique. What I like most is the divide in the speaker: there's a twinge of self-directed bitterness ("Don't rot like me, so many fleas feeding from me") and almost a heartlessness (leaving the dogs outside, or maybe I'm just an animal lover?), but it feels like it's rooted in a deep devotion to the listener. So, is it self sacrifice for the better good or is the speaker too blinded by pain to recognize their naivety? I don't know, but the question keeps drawing me back... along with that last line. So good.

Black Gold by Armada the Gestalt 4 Points

Wow! This one was so powerful. I didn't realize it at the start, but once I read through to the end, the rest of the poem fell into place. I like the last stanza especially, it's fantastic, and the repetition of "naked, naked, naked." The sentiment is intangible, but I read it with a rebellious voice, possibly with political undertones? Very fascinating. Great job!

Great job all. Amazing poems and hms. Great job judges :)

Thanks judges & Jane
Congrats winners & hms

Thanks so much for the win and wonderful comments! :)

Congrats to all, especially to my Free Spirits club members for helping write our collab that received an HM! Proud of y'all!

The free spirits callob turned out great I feel :)

Wow! Congrats Winners & HMs:)

Thank you judges for the great work you all did!

And obviously thanks a lot for the HM and the wonderful comment on our poem. Makes me feel proud to write such a seamless collab and see it win. Congrats to everyone who contributed!

Thanks Mods as well:))

The additional missing comments have been added to the first post.

I'd like to aplogize for not being around to see and properly acknowledge this earlier. I really appreciate all of the kind words, and am touched that MYTHOS won, since it is an important piece to me. :)

Thank you to all of the judges for your effort; you are greatly appreciated.

What a wonderful group of talent! Late congrats to the other winners and HMs.

Thanks again. x