Weekly Contest 3 February 2014

On this first week of the Year of the Horse some old warhorses are recognized who have been away from the front page for awhile. All three are somber works, dark and reflective of the winter of women and men's souls. Congratulations!

To a Soldier by Noura 10 + 10
Red by silvershoes 7 + 7 + 4
Our Sad New World by Kiko 10 + 4

Inexplicable by Chelsey 7 + 4
The Lonely Lover by The Huntress 7 + 4
Prison Stand by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather 10
Non Edible Dish by Everlasting 10
The Dreaming Tree by Sincuna 7
Tired Soul by Everlasting 4

COMMENTS

To a Soldier by Noura 10
I experienced so much pain being released in this poem and it overwhelmed me because I felt like you had expressed what you couldn't for so long, bringing to the surface all of the hurt. Your descriptions were haunting as I know they are not exaggerations but the truth. I cannot imagine waking up to that reality in my country yet you are a strong person for doing so. For having some hope at the end for love, for love without war. I felt the presence of death in what you wrote, that death is a force we don't understand but that follows us. It was also unique to read the part about death being beside you and drinking your coffee every morning, like it takes your spirit away and dictates what goes on. Not you. I also loved how your imagery had such an impact and how you repeated certain lines for that emphasis, like: "Don't linger, don't starve, don't love" and "One day, one day". It's so powerful because you are using these words and also believing in them. Prompting this person to not be the front person in war but come back someday and love you purely, without that taint of death and war. One of your best poems in my opinion.

To a Soldier by Noura 10
Noura, this piece is riveting. From start to finish, the expression and depth of emotion behind your words stuck me straight into the bleak world you've described in this poem. I'm scared to choose favorite parts, because each line is so good I don't want to do any of them an injustice. But I'll try. The start, for one. The darkness and the screaming, that the screaming would be all that would let someone know they were still alive, that's horrifying, truly. And you chose to START the piece like that. Great choice, really. I love (but I hate) that death sits with you on a bench and drinks coffee, I hate (but I love) that dying in an old military car beside someone you care about is warmer than dying in a hospital. Emotion-wise, I really think "It's everywhere, it's colourless and everywhere and I just can't escape it" and "Don't starve and don't bleed, and don't
be a hero, and don't whisper at night because I can hear you and it hurts" are probably the strongest lines in this piece. I hear your voice and I love that you've managed to make this piece so accessible to any reader, from any country, because the depth of human emotion isn't limited to country lines, and because "Love doesn't like guns" is so true, and so obvious, and nowhere in the world is it said often enough. One edit though, "it's" is a contraction of "it is," not a genitive form. If you mean to imply belonging it should say "its." Anyway, can't wait for judging to be over so I can add this to my favorites. :)

-----------------------------------------

Red by silvershoes 7 [comment to follow]

Red by silvershoes 7
Jane has a gift of excellence when she writes short poems. Each time I read this I came to a different scenario in my head and it left me teary eyed, because it allowed me to wonder off in my own past memories.
When a short poem can do that, than it's off the charts in my mind! Well done!!!
When a short poem is written, using a small tittle adds the perfect touch to the poem and "Red" is explosive!! Really enjoyed this piece!

Red by silvershoes 4
This poem was intense for me because you came out and clearly, distinctly said that your thoughts of this person are red. Right away I felt more than symbolism. That red isn't some silly color or memory, it is something that lives inside a person. It is not a soft image as you stated but something severe. I liked how you much you said in so little with the two lines of "I see". It gives this ominous feeling and possibly that sense of fear that this person is drawing closer and closer, what will be left when they meet you? A very grim yet interesting piece.

----------------------------------------

Our Sad New World by Kiko 10 [Comment to follow]

Our Sad New World by Kiko 4
This piece is so short and concise and so accurately portrays the emotion of disturbance through really subtle, but jarring descriptions. "Teacher keeps a loaded gun inside her pencil drawer"... When I first read through this, I genuinely thought it would say apple, but no, a gun. And the last line, too. Way to smash everyone's favorite childhood singalong into bits. In a good way, of course. :) The fact that you pulled off this simplicity and clever wordplay while keeping a rhyme scheme astounds me. Great job!

----------------------------------------

Inexplicable by Chelsey 7
I don't read too many sad poems from you Chelsey, as I associate you more with love poems... but this moved me because the vision of this girl who cannot express her sorrows, is heartbreaking as well as something we may all have gone through. I felt this was personal and something you needed to write to realize that you still have sadness in you, but in recognizing it you can try to move on and focus on what causes you to live and be happy. I liked the contradictions in the beginning, very clever and abstract with the comma and period on her mouth. It is like she is constantly struggling for the right words in order to escape, and she goes back and forth between keeping it within and saying little. I also liked how you separated the last two lines. It gives that darkness and that most frightening thought that her very humanity is disappearing. That it's there but not realized. That point of being lost. Such conflicting emotions in this piece. Good write.

Inexplicable by Chelsey 4
One of the many reasons I adore this poem is because of it's unique flavoring of words mixed into the emotions of the writer.
It's truly a breath of fresh air to read a sad and sorrowful piece that has colorful wording in a metaphoric tone, such as a painting-
the reader can see beauty in the sadness of emotional thoughts. Powerful piece by Chelsey

---------------------------------------

The Lonely Lover by The Huntress 7
This piece just got darker and darker the more I read. I like that. Your imagery is superb as always, "His presence is a carcass" or "stroking her fur all over again, till excema threatens the layers of your love." Poetic hard ball after hard ball, your craft is really so well thought out and elegant. I was originally confused by the poetry-prose style this was written in, but the more I read it, the more I understand why you went that way. I almost think that formatting would cheapen some of the thoughts in this piece, whereas when delivered in paragraphs, the imagery becomes a story of anticipatory torture, where the format keeps you locked into reading through to the end, much like the lonely lover is locked into what seems to be the worst relationship ever described. That probably didn't make sense. Oh well. I'm also a huge fan of the subtle rhyme you've used. Those tidbits lighten the piece and almost give it an air of a fable. Well done. :)

The Lonely Lover by The Huntress 4 [comment to follow]

--------------------------------------------

Prison Stand by Larry Chamberlin 10
This poem is a metaphoric rhyme scheme of brilliance!!!!
What a wonderful poem by Larry!
The loss of a limb is symbolic or perhaps is the base line of the poem, but either way I took several deeper angles with this poem.
I truly enjoy poems where I can rock and sway as I read, just like a song, and with this poem I was left speechless. The word usage and play on words, angled with a rhyme flow was the perfect touch for this incredible poem!!

-----------------------------------------

Non Edible Dish by Everlasting 10
I love this. The imagery is beautiful and there are visible changes within the poetry and also the whole image of the poem that parallels the story behind it. I think that is definitely one of the most strong points here besides the imagery.
The way you word things... it makes it easier for the reader to get a mental picture of what is happening, what this story is about and I think it really helps show the drift between the two characters. The fact that you broke it down into rooms was a brilliant idea because it seems as if it resembles stages of the fallout which is another great addition.
There is a lot of emotion here, ranging from passion to pain and sorrow and I believe that you did a wonderful job in capturing that.

-----------------------------------------------

The Dreaming Tree by Sincuna 7
I fell in love with this before I even really got into it. The title is very captivating and draws the person in which is great.
Some strong points are that you stick to imagery which really helps the main idea of the whole poem, it is wonderful. I am a sucker for nature poems with deeper meanings and I think this one does very well at doing just that.
The ending is my favorite. The scorching eyes of the world... wonderful add and it seems to be so true. Today the world is so scrutinizing and rude and hateful and that idea seems present here.

---------------------------------------------------

Tired Soul by Everlasting 4
This poem. Ugh. Seriously love it. What was interesting is the brevity of it. Short lines and short poem but it holds such a strong message. I originally got from it that despite the fact that someone can lose your love then there is always some kind of connection.
If the person becomes your life, your world and basically everything in your life and that love is compromised, love can be easily overlooked but when your life is devoted to someone else then it takes a lot to pull yourself back from that and pull it away from the other person.
It shows a long term connection between the two people and that shows rather well in the poem.
Nicely done.

Great work to all the winners and hms. Well deserved good job judges

Yes & BTW, thanks, judge, for the insightful comment on Prison Stand

Thanks for my HM's judges!!

Congrats winners!

Hey, wow! Thanks for nominating my poem, guys, and thank you to the judges who gave me their votes!

I haven't posted in ages, so I appreciate the recognition/encouragement.

Congratulations to the other winners and honorable mentions this week.

I LOVE this week's pieces. They're beautifully sad.
Amazing job Noura, Kiko & Jane.
and congrats to the rest.

Thank youuuu, judges!!!! The comments made my day. :D
Congrats to Jane & Kiko. I'm honoured to be on the front page with you. Really liked your poems.

Well done to the judges for selecting such excellent winners this week.

Wonderful job guys, congratulations to the winners & HM's!

Wow to the judge who commented on my poem - Non edible dish. Thank you!

You are awesome! I mean you saw through the poem and figured why I did what I did. Oh oh and did you see my almost successful attempt at doing alliteration?

"charcoal-like candle closed to chest" it's fun.

---

and to the other judge who commented in my other poem, "Tired soul," thank you so much too! That's a fresh interpretation. I seriously liked it.

This poem I wrote it based on a contest and a quote that I forgot what it was. It wrote it a while back. But when I read the quote, I interpreted it as if it was written by a victim of Abuse to later find out it was not O_O. However, I wrote that poem from a perspective of a victim who is tired of being abuse "do you see this soft skin? Peel it, scrape it out from flesh... take it... that's all you'll ever have. " There's a sad story behind it. It's kind of like saying, you have taken everything from me, you might as well take my life.

Thank you all so much for your kind comments. :)