Weekly Contest Results, 2 June 2014

Had to wait for the site to break an 18 point tie.
Reality Bites: A people who have lost their reality, the dawning awareness that reality is not as it seems and the choice to invent one's own reality. The theme carries through in Maher's plea for a generation lost in cyberspace, in Noura's ironic tale of trust betrayed and in Sincuna's love story that never was. In the other 18 pointer, Abed's declaration of loyalty holds its own reality.

A Bird's message by Maher 10 + 10 + 7 = 27 points
About Hunger by Noura 10 + 7 + 4 = 21 points
The Other by Sincuna 10 + 4 + 4 = 18 points

The Happy Ones by Abed 7 + 7 + 4 = 18 points

Suicide Bridge by: Senyru 10 points
Diabolical plea tanka by Meme 7 points
Verses by RealMe 4 points

COMMENTS:

A Bird's Message by Maher (10 Points)
Although this is written from a "bird's view point", it could fit that of a person who feels unnoticed in society, someone that is ignored by all, no matter what they say or do. In either case, the writer has managed to show how we get so busy and involved with our lives that we ignore others and what is going on around us. We don't take the time to enjoy life. The ending has the "old bird" pleading with the young to do better, to go out into the world and try to get us to notice them and enjoy, to slow down.
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A Birds message by Maher 10 points
This is one of those poems that makes you utter the word "wow" once you have read it. If you are like me you then start to turn a slight hue of green and wish that you had thought of it. What I like is the message interwoven from start to finish, of how we are so busy in our daily lives and how we as the human race get caught up in our own personal spaces, to even notice such a thing as a bird singing. What I will say is that as poets I feel we DO sometimes stop and notice the little things. This is what inspires us and obviously inspired Maher. Nice rhyming scheme and I love the town crier type narrative. 10 points.
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A Bird's Message by Maher
What a fun piece to read aloud. It has a melody attached to it. This poem has slant rhymes but I like them the way they are. They served their purposed. It also has this imagery that allows the reader to picture the bird telling his story to other birds. As if he is telling them, "come all, come here, I have something to tell." Then everyone joins and listens to the old bird tell his story. What I liked the most is that this old bird has faith that some human will eventually hear them, and that the human race will understand what the birds are singing. The old bird is not giving up! I enjoyed what this author did and the approached he took. Well done ( 7 points)
P.s. on the next line, I believe it should be "its" rather than "it's"
"When did this world come to forfeit it's dreams?"
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About Hunger by Noura 10 points
The King. The King. Long Live the King! As long as there is a king alive, the town would be fed. That's what I gathered from this poem.
The actions taken by the characters being introduced in the context, shows a vicious cycle of dependency. What I found interesting is that each of these characters prayed. They prayed and they continued praying as if they were brainwashed into believing that praying alone would be their salvation. I mean they wanted their sins to be gone by just praying. This poem gives the impression that the people weren't truly repented about their sins. Rather, it seems that by leaving them outside, as they walked inside the mosques, they became sinless. They forgot about their sins to once again commit them over and over again just to run to the mosques to pray for them to be gone once again. How sad is that?
Though, what I find more saddening is that they had to pray to find their shoes outside. And even more that they prayed for a King who only gave them leftovers. I wonder what exactly did they prayed? for the king to live longer? for the king to continue being the king? or for the king to give them leftovers?. It's an interesting poem. It gives a lot of food for the thought. It makes one think about society as a whole and the vicious cycles its people undergo. Overall, in my opinion this poem isn't flawless but it has a good narrative and imagery that pulls the reader in. Well done 10 points.
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About Hunger by Noura
Noura has a gift within her writing to take you on a journey of pure brilliance in her poetry and this week she set the bar high in nominations this week.
I was amazed at how she captured the true heartbreak of hunger, poverty, and devastation.
The rage of politics are mixed within this piece and to me it is saying the "rich get fatter and the pour get thinner".
It is a true outrage and Noura has elegantly expressed those thoughts and more within this piece.
Her word usage and word display has me in awe!
Admire this piece greatly! (7)
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About Hunger by Noura 4 points
My first thought with this was that it doesn't feel like a poem, more like a piece of prose detailing the scene laid out before us. However after several reads I decided that this was worthy of least an HM purely because the scene setting and the descriptions are amazing. You feel like you are standing beside this person as you read. For that I commend you and thank you for sharing this. I love the last line as well. A real message about those that command and those that follow. 4 points.
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The Other by Sincuna
I have read this piece everyday since it was nominated and I can truly say I will continue to read it daily. What a beautiful and well written poem this is.
Often times, we stumble upon a soul that we connect with, either strangers at first glance or long distance meeting. I envisioned a woman on a train, or waiting for a train catching glances... and that sorrowful, gut wrenching love is born...
This is a poem that can relate to anyone, and technically speaking, the format is graceful and eye catching.
I can't say enough about this poem except to say, its Brilliant! (10)
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The Other by Sincuna
Interesting title. This poem seems like a love poem. Though I'm a little confused with the title and specially with these lines:
"that we can never truly meet
face to face, hand in hand, nose to nose,
and person to person. The way
most people meet in real life."
Why couldn't the characters meet the way most people meet in real life? I clearly haven't been in a crowded train crammed with people scuffling each other, but my take on this poem is that two "strangers" gazed upon each eyes while being in a crowded train. So technically, wouldn't they have somehow met person to person? They might have been separated by a distance and the mob of angry people but they have clearly noticed each other. I would assumed that to be a real life experience... unless that other character never gazed upon the narrator's eyes and the narrator did as a resulted the narrator created that scened where they gazed into each other eyes? I like the narrative and the soothing voice in this poem as well as the train scenery. It's adds a touch of romance. Though the comparison of how people were in that train to fish, adds to the sadness of the narrator for not being able to approach and meet that stranger like he would have liked. Well done. ( 4 points )
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The Other by: Sincuna (4)
The idea of meeting someone new and catching this stranger's eyes on a crowded train is spontaneous and thrilling. I've only been on a train a few times when I was younger, but I can imagine it is a place to dream, meet new people, and be able to reflect. I was actually just told a phrase yesterday that there are no strangers, just un-met friends. The possibilities are endless and in this poem, the author is alive and excited by possibilities. The courage, curiosity and spirit in this poem makes me smile, how looking into one's eyes can create a spark that moves you or stirs your heart in a way no ordinary thing could. The author has quite an imaginative mind, creatively thinking of a story about this person on the train. I think we do that with many people, inviting the idea we will see them again or perhaps that we can easily picture this person sharing a memory with us. Beautifully worded in the last stanza:
"The way we own memories,
the way we distort them,
and make them true."
There's a sense of mystery in this piece. I think, near the end, that the author is reminiscing on a younger time where this interest could have been a new love.... the last lines remind me how human it is to own what it is not ours or make it seem like it should be ours. Yet the very last line caused me to imagine the author met this person again, maybe in a dream or later in life. And those memories were not pretend, but real, and they were truths that the author could remember lucidly since they were actually experienced. Captivating write!
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The Happy Ones by: Abed (7)
I like how vague this female character is in the poem, yet she has a purpose, a role here in the author's life. To me, she seems to be breaking the silence and meeting the author to see where this relationship will go, almost like she is from another part of the country or world, and does not live in the misery this author does. There is a separateness, a distance from understanding that living in happiness is harder than simply making a choice, especially when the author is so rooted in the violence, the country's history, and the presence of death. Should "death" be "death's" in the four line though? So much is said in these few stanzas and I appreciate the author's honesty, in not being blind to the city's flaws (sin, war, corrupt leaders perhaps), yet realizing this city is still a part of him and he wants to take pride in it, whether he was born in it, raised in it, or is identity is there in its soil in some form. There is a yearning in the last stanza for happiness to be able to bloom in this city. Thoughtful write, I like how the author writes about this reality and seems to realize where he stands, that maybe right now he cannot make the decision to be happy or find that place where's he happy. The poem is also depressing, especially near the end, with the knowledge that it is near impossible to live in this city and maintain any amount of happiness. Right now though, he's living in this city and he won't leave it yet. That gives me hope that those dedicated to the city will fight for it and what values it used to regard.
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The Happy Ones by Abed (7 Points)
I can see why this is in the Sad genre. There is nothing happy about it, there are no happy ones. A relationship, love affair, love of a lifetime however you would define it, suffers because in this case the male cannot look past the history of past events of his love's "hometown" or "country" and for that matter his own "hometown" or "country". It appears that he cannot step outside that and see the love the two people have and just maybe, if he would, they together could begin to eradicate and change the circumstances on the cities. It has to start somewhere and the love they profess is a good place. I do feel a touch of regret in the last verse, that he has to tell her he cannot go with her, he has to stay loyal to the "city".
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The Happy Ones by Abed
Abed takes me as the reader on a pathway of darkness in such a creative way. I enjoyed the detail of each stanza.
I felt that the message pertains to a fallen city, broken down and stripped of honor, leaving its people left to suffer greatly.
I really am impressed with his writing within this piece and felt it had to be highlighted!! (4)
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Suicide Bridge by: Senyru (10)
If not for the author's note, I'm not sure I would have realized that this poem is written in the perspective of the Golden Gate Bridge. It's brilliant and gives the poem a depth I am only beginning to understand the more I read into it. I watched a documentary on-line about the number of suicides on the bridge and it was startling and quite heartbreaking. There is such strong emotion existing in this piece, as I begin to feel for this character (the bridge) for not having been understood. What struck me after reading was that others could probably relate to this piece and the lack of love within this relationship of father and son. The father is focusing too much on "legacy", "success" and being the greatest accomplishment, aiding men and putting them in awe. Yet, when someone focuses strictly on that, it puts pressure on the character, as well as possibly a fear to open up and communicate any fears or doubts. Anyway, this is well written and quite provoking. Many lines take my breath away and bring a new perspective to the piece, such as "I must confess that I am a grim reaper - for I witnessed silently in shock". The personification here is emotional and makes me realize how stuck the bridge is, literally and in the sense it cannot control other's decisions or what triggers them. It can only bring them closer to death, it cannot intervene like humans can, or if it tries to, will not make a difference. Then, with another confession at the end that this bridge takes pride perhaps? Or can seem to laugh at the sight of blood, can seem to take pleasure in pain. That causes me to think how ill the bridge is and how misguided the people are for they do not have anyone inspiring life in them, helping them, loving them, so they only know of life as cruel. Many more thoughts enter my mind from reading this piece, how I believe suicide is one hundred percent preventable yet even though we can be at fault or could have always done more, it's not like we can easily take away that's person willingness to escape from the world. It's a process to be there for them and get them through every day so it's not at the last minute, on the edge of this bridge. Also, the inclusion of the mother's words at the birth/building of this bridge is memorable and haunting. A very evocative piece.
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Diabolical plea (tanka) by Meme 7 points
This poem is a great example of something very powerful crammed into a small tanka. Firstly it is nice to see such a short form nominated. Secondly it is great to see a tanka so dark and emotionally charged. It starts right off the bat by given fear the control, fear of the other side of this persons personality. The word schizophrenia was made for poetry and is a great subject to use. I love how the last line leaves such a huge lasting image. Makes you want to read it over and over. Great write. 7 points.
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Verses by RealMe (4 Points)
Not sure what the writer intended with this but I can tell you what image came to mind when I read it. That mage was a person sitting a table, low light or none at all, with a drink and cigarette in hand listening to the clock and with each tik, tok, thinking will I live or will I die. They are contemplating suicide and the "beats of hors hoof" (assumption that hors is meant to be horses) are the memories of their life, good and bad. Versos no matter what I research really means verses and in one case a music album from early 2000 and could apply to the thoughts of tik, tok, clock they rhyme and are neatly placed in a row, those memories verses in time. This is what it meant to me.

Congrats winners & HM's, and thank you Larry for posting!

Congrats all!

Congrats! Beautiful poetry! <3

Congratulations all . I enjoyed reading those comments.

Especially the one about the Bridge poem by Senryu.
And another one that was written for "the other" poem written by sincuna.

Congratulations, very well written works and excellent displays of talents!

Thank you for those wonderful comments, judges!
Congrats to the winners, and especially to Noura for that brilliant poem!

Congrats all.

Thank you!!! I enjoyed reading your comments, judges!
Congrats to the winners and HMs. Loved your writes.

Thank you guys

very neat Larry.