Weekly Contest Winners 16/6/2014

That time of week again folks! Well done to out three winners and to the HM's. Special shout-out to our 5 judges who are doing a great job, its much appreciated :)

The Shrine of Crystalline by ddavidd (10 + 7 = 17points)

Chapter Three by: Tara Kay (10 + 7 = 17points)

Legal Breach Birth by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather (7 + 4 = 11points)

HMs
My Life Flashed Before Me by Mark Rawlins (10 points)

A spotlight and window casing by Kakera (10 points)

On His Step by Everlasting (10 Points)

Pancakes (acrostic) by Always Her Kate (4 + 4 = 8 points)

You are worth it (acrostic) by TravsAngel (7 Points)

To a loving Father... by Meena Krish (7 points)

Clueless Parents by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather (4 points)

Intimacy. by Poet on the Piano (4 points)

--------------- COMMENTS ---------------

The Shrine of Crystalline by ddavidd (10 + 7 = 17points)

Comment 1:
'What a Beautiful poem displayed by ddavidd, I fell out of my chair while I read it! I felt like I was surrounded in a field of wildflowers while a man whispers sweet beautiful words in my ear.

I always try to express how I felt and what I see in a poem that is chosen for the weekly and that is the best way I can describe this piece!

The nature tones and word display is incredible and as always, ddavidd expresses his true and incredible play on words which is outstanding!! (10)

Comment 2:
'I liked the reciprocity within this piece, how there was an alluring interplay between the author and this "you", whether water itself or simply the metaphor. The nature tones in this were pure and peaceful, like nature has tried its very best to reflect this beauty without any distortion. I noticed in the beginning lines, the beauty was first unnoticed, possibly by other observers in the world, then that beauty was honored and given to share. There was almost more of a realization that this beauty had been known all along, and that it is omnipresent. There was something special and moving about how each part of nature began to see this beauty, like "the wind saw you and whispered you in the ears of leaves" - that line is touching, as if nature will now echo the beauty in reverence. While the ending lines noted that "water turned crystalline", it only reassured me this beauty will be preserved, through every season, by everything. The author's verses were elegant and truly idyllic, making each line memorable and cherished. (7)

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Chapter Three by: Tara Kay (10 + 7 = 17points)

Comment 1:
''This was quite a sincere write, and I could feel the presence of this character and the strength she is always trying to summon. I liked the idea of these two characters as vagrants, it plays into the whole idea of not knowing who they are or where there home is. One of my favorite lines was this: "I've too man words to make you understand" like this person has all the tools (the ink, the notebook, the faded map) yet does not know how to use them. I felt that goes a lot deeper... that we may have it all "together" or be seemingly in control, yet we are still lost and don't know how to organize our thoughts or plan out our actions. This was a striking image: "lying motionless on the skyline, left on telephone wires for lightning to strike me out." There's something dark about that line obviously, the vulnerability, yet it speaks of humanity and that point where we just have our heartbeats and don't know much else. I liked the transition next, that the main character "came to be" somewhat more understood and able to decipher life, almost like her place in the world and her place with this person. Beautifully penned with grace!' (10)'

Comment 2:
'When I read a Tara Kay poem, I have to set myself. Fake cigarette in hand a soft drink. TV off and concentrate. Sit back and read slowly. Enjoy every reference and metaphor that pokes its head above the poem. She takes you by the hand with her writing and plonks you down next to her as you both marvel at the scene she has created. This poem is no different and one of my favourites by her for a while. 7 points'

Legal Breach Birth by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather (7 + 4 = 11points)

Comment 1:
'Metaphoric delight displayed this week by Sir Larry!! I was amazed! Love the analogy of the birthing experience and the dark side of it mixed with the evilness of the Politicians!

Well written, truthfully displayed and just an awesome poem!! The message is one heck of powerful punch! (7)'

Comment 2:
The brevity here was fascinating, especially in setting the dark tone and suggesting that such corruption has happened and will continue to be present within Congress. I know now there are many scandals being revealed to the public eye and many question how leaders could have made these decisions, how it could be considered legal or constitutional. A powerful poem with a message, politics has no mercy and is "unclean". I think it can take people with good intentions and make them deceitful. Well-crafted piece, especially with the stress of "gutting their issues" and connecting the creation of new, unwanted conflicts with the "womb of Congress". Well-written. (4)'

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HMs

My Life Flashed Before Me by Mark Rawlins (10 points)
'I'm not sure what to say about this poem. Actually, there's a lot to say about this poem.
I just feel the poem speaks for itself and that I would probably just be repeating what the author wrote,
but I'll give it a try.

For starters, I like how the author narrates his life from the beginning ( his birth) to his death.
Not to mention, the rhymes and the refrain "My life flashed before me" in this poem. I like everything about this poem even the content which according to my interpretation, it defies what many of us believes in. It brings forth another point of view amongst the many that we have heard. It seems the narrator believes there was an afterlife. That after one dies, there'll be heaven. However, after dying the narrator stumbled upon the sad realization that there was nothing. It was the end. His life flashed before him, but that was it. There was nothing else. The End. His life ended just like that. He saw everything he did during his lifetime. His good actions and not so good ones but that was it. This poem managed to leave me with a bitter taste in my mouth. It's a shocking view. I have wonder about that possibility before, but I always seem to discard it. Nonetheless, this poem was well done. 10 points.

P.s. On this line:

My life flashed before, me as I waited for death ....

^ I don't think the comma after "before" is necessary.'

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A spotlight and window casing by Kakera (10 points)

First impression of this was that it is very LONG, But when you begin to read this piece you cannot stop until you reach the end. It is a great example of setting a mood and a scenario. The images each stanza conjure are fantastic. I love the references to emptiness and juxtaposing that with the stars in the sky. A really atmospheric and detailed piece. 10 points.

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On His Step by Everlasting (10 Points)

Reading the comments, the writer seemed surprised that the reader/readers associated God and his possible treatment of us as a theme of the write. That was my first thought when I read the poem. It gives me a sense of a lost soul that hasn't given up on being lost, "I will be yet I'll never be". They feel small and lost and mistreated by society but God finds them, loves them no matter what, "Then if he likes me, he may collect me", this line to me says that if God really likes me, I will die and be taken to heaven and then the last two lines say God might not be ready for me and will send me back to continue to live and "be a small rock (person)" in the scheme of things. Nice work on this.'

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Pancakes (acrostic) by Always Her Kate (4 + 4 = 8 points)

Comment 1:
'I have read a lot of Kates poems over the years and seen a maturity appear in her writing. Acrostics are a mind field for forced words and lines, but she has side stepped that nicely with this dreamy piece. A good poem reads like a snapshot in time, it has emotion and is relatable. She ticks all those boxes with this piece as we can picture the scene as perfectly as she paints it. 4 points.'

Comment 2:
'Kate had me smiling with this acrostic poem! I had amazing visuals with this poem, this poem is sweet as syrup and the yummy side of love in my opinion!

A tasteful piece mixed with a creative and well written word display! Love it!!! (4)'

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You are worth it (acrostic) by TravsAngel (7 Points)

'Nice work with the form Acrostic. I would suggest that next time you do a form, to include the requirements at the end of the poem so that others might be encouraged to use the form and also ensure that you met the requirements for that particular form. With that said, Acrostic's are not easy to write, most of the time the lines sound forced but you have managed to make this flow very well and the reader forgets that it is an Acrostic. For me your words bring forth an image of a person doubting themselves, young and afraid to venture out and live because of perhaps a few bad experiences already in their life but in the end decide they have worth and will stay with the world at least for this day. You have taken the reader from hopelessness to hope in a few lines. Good work.'

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To a loving Father... by Meena Krish (7 points)

This poem could benefit with more punctuation. However, I like the overall message and the lovely dedication to a man who has been not only a father but a loving husband. This poem reads to be personal but many people could relate to the feeling of wishing the best for our loved ones. What I also like about this poem is the rhymes that seem hidden, and the simplicity in which this poem reads. Though, it's not that simple. There's emotion that oozes in the way the writer narrates and dedicates this poem to her father. well done. And Happy birthday. 7 points.

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Clueless Parents by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather (4 points)

'Some people aren't meant to have pets or children for that matter. These few sentences reflect that fact very well. Those are they people who feel that the obligatory dog and/or "child" make them the "perfect" family. Sad thing is that once the "perfect" family is formed, the "parents" have no clue as to what to do with the "dog or child". And we wonder what is wrong with the generations of today? It is a sad state of affairs but seems to be the normal for society now. '

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Intimacy. by Poet on the Piano (4 points)

'Short but it's packed with a thought-provoking question. This poem focuses on one image - the coffee mug and the right hand above it. The rest are thoughts, which are what I like the most about this poem.

It's just that it always amazes me how out of a simple activity or objects, we can stir thoughts to turn them into depth and that's exactly what I feel happened with this piece.

The author based on the experienced of having his/her hand above the coffee mug, noticed how the steam, that neither loves him nor detest him, warms him. So upon that observation, he wonders if a heart can rest within a set temperature?

In my interpretation, in the first stanza, within his thoughts he goes to compare his right hand with his heart and the coffee mug to his "to be" lover/friend. He goes wondering if his heart could rest within the temperature that his lover has, whether he can tolerate his warmness just as the hand above the coffee mug does.

And it is due to those comparisons that I stumbled upon a problem in the last stanza. I'm unsure whether it's my interpretation or that in fact there's a clashing in the comparisons.

In the second stanza, I feel the author is still comparing the lover to the coffee mug. However, the use of "heart" creates the conflict for me. Since the first stanza, I am bound to think of "the heart" as "the right hand above the coffee mug." So the lover, cannot be both, the right hand and the coffee mug. The lover must be either or. That is why I have to give this piece a four.

My suggestion if how I interpret it is right, if not please ignore.

my right hand, a statue
inches above the coffee mug,
warmed by the steam that
neither loves nor detests me-
'makes me wonder' if a heart can feel
comfortable, if it can rest
within a set temperature.

'If I'm ever graced with your heart,
would it wrap my coldness around it or
would it spill me for my mistakes?'

_ this probably means something different to what the poem meant. However, I'm sure there is another way to say what you meant while sticking to the original comparisons.

Instead of:

If I am ever graced with your heart,
would it banish my coldness or
burn me for my mistakes?

In here, the heart is the right hand. The coffee mug is the author. So the author is the one that can burn the hand. The hand itself can be warm but I don't think it can burn the coffee with its warmness. Just some thoughts. I do feel this is good. I'm probably not interpreting correctly. However, based on my understanding, I still like it and I feel is worth an HM for connecting the coffee mug and the hand to the title. Creative. 4 points.'

Well done to ddavidd and Larry on their wins and to all the HMs and thank you for the lovely comments judges.

This poem means a lot to me and I am really pleased it was well received.

Congratulations all. Wonderful work this week

Thanks judges for the three great comments.
Thanks for the win & HM as well.
Congrats to Tara & ddavidd & the other HMs.

Thanks judges and Colm for your work.

Congrats to all you lovely poets! :)

Congratulations to all the winners & HM's, wonderful job! Thank you Colm and judge for the HM. I appreciate the in-depth comment and yes, the poem is vague for a purpose so it can be interpreted. I do see now how changing a few words in the last line can say a similar message, but with a better connection to the first comparisons.... I meant it that the coffee I drink daily and am used to is at a set temperature, warm, comfortable and calming. Then, I wonder if this person who is just entering my life can come to understand and accept my heart... if he would see how cold I can be and distance himself, or scold me for my mistakes, like how coffee burns my mouth if it's too hot.

But I love your suggestions because they have even more depth and creativity, so thank you!

Thanks judges for wonderful comments, Colm for the neat job and being on time, and to P.O.P for finding my poem from 10 feet under and nominating it.

Congratulations to all the winners and Hms.