Weekly Contest Results 6-23-14

Hello, PnQ-ites!

We had another tie this week, this time for 3rd place. Broken by the site, which created the rare occurrence of two wins in one week by the same author. Congratulations winners and honorable mentions. As always, enormous thanks to our judges!
-silvershoes

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SCORE BREAKDOWN:
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Inebriated Ramblings by Senyru
(10) + (10) + (10) = 30

On a Raft made of Yesterdays by Hellon
(10) + (4) + (4) = 18

Trapped [Rhyme Royal] by Senyru
(7) + (7) = 14

My Life Flashed Before Me by Mark Rawlins
(7) + (7) = 14

Mrs. Imaginary Mohawk by Saerelune
(7) + (4) = 11

Meanings by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather
(10) = 10

Nightmares and brain surgery by Jack Crimson Nightingale
(4) + (4) = 8

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COMMENTS FOR WINNERS:
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Inebriated Ramblings
by Senyru
30 pts

"I thought about giving this piece a ten or a seven. I wasn't sure. It reads like prose, like some confession, like thoughts. Actually, it's like a combination of the three and more. I haven't fully understood everything in the content but I liked how I was taken into a unique journey while I was reading this piece. I specially like the ending. I feel is a summary and that this piece could be some sort of dedication. I noticed the excerpt and I can only think the excerpt was the inspiration for this piece. Nonetheless, the voice of the author draws me in and I feel connected. Once again, the ending "you truly are beautiful" stirs many questions. I for once thought the voice of the narrator could have been that of a heartbroken/rejected wanting to praise the lover. It reads to me like a confession of love. I like the mystery and the background given to the reader to introduce that someone whom the narrator is speaking of. The piece sounds finish to me but I'm sure it could be expanded. Well done." (10)

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"The candidness in this piece was what really caught my interest. It's like you have finally come to a place where you can organize your thoughts on the past with this person. The desire was evident as well as almost a sacred regard towards this person. I cannot comment on each stanza but this deeply touched my heart and I thought you were clever with many of your references and images, it enlivened this poem. Even though this is a longer piece, I still found structure and almost a pattern in story. There was almost a hint of urgency in the beginning as you ask was it worth it to perhaps meet and follow through with this love.... then holding back how you truly felt, almost that you were denying yourself the chance to live in the present. I loved how heartwarming the end was, your encouragement for this person and that even though they believe their past is stained with sins and sorrow, they are still beautiful, nothing could corrode that. Incredibly sincere piece." (10)

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"This poem is a monster and suits its title very well, you feel the need to stand up on a chair in a packed bar and recite this above the din and chatter. I love how it starts off fairly slowly yet abrupt then it races into slam poetry styled rambling, yet it contains far too much clever imagery to be a slam poem. It is very long yet it holds your attention. I have read this three times and each time I read something new. It is a masterpiece of improvisation and I applaud you." (10)

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On a Raft made of Yesterdays
by Hellon
18 pts

"This poem was absolutely BEAUTIFUL!

Hellon's fist stanza left me speechless. The nature tones and visual elegance had me hooked!

It read and flowed like a song... Breathless curtains, dreaming of the sea and the person in her thoughts.. Excellent start to a pretty poem!

Second stanza made my mouth drop! The creativity of moon swinging on a hammock? Oh mercy!!

How elegant! The usage of breathless, twice within this poem is very significant in my opinion because this poem is Breathless and is the key to the feelings, that I feel are being displayed here within this piece.

The lingering message and feelings of yesterday, to dream of a memory.. This poem is intoxicating and I am drunk on its words! Love it!!!" (10)

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"I feel this poem could benefit with an extra line break after the ellipses of "dreaming" then a space, then " dreaming of you." However, it's very enjoyable to read in its current state. The moon sleeping, the sea, the hammock, the curtains, and the raft created a good imagery as well as in combination with the tone of the poem, it created a relaxing atmosphere. Though I can't help but feel some melancholy too. Well done." (4)

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"I was surprised and happy to find a new poem posted! This was a very charming piece... and something quite soulful and relaxing with the idea of being able to drift on a "raft made of yesterdays". To be able to revisit and relish in older memories. This piece was dreamy yet perfectly conveyed those simple moments spent with a special someone, one where you can almost speak in silence and read each other's hearts, without words. Beautiful imagery.... a lovely write!" (4)

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Trapped [Rhyme Royal]
by Senyru
14 pts

"Rhyme Royal is a tricky piece to write, because I feel that iambic pentameter's are difficult to master, it can be done however and with this piece, Senryu got close. Along with the Rhyme scheme, which was beautiful by the way, it read like a song..

The message and feelings were very elegant and I felt like this poem deserved to be highlighted.

"to steer and set the vessel towards your rue." and "tonight - I've lit some candles at your wake." <-------------- Very powerful and captivating lines in this small gem of a poem!!

Rhyme Royal's are a small form and very structured. Senryu truly made me smile with this poem...

The sorrowful undertones left me teary, so over all when you look at technical structure and add the message it intertwines my decisions on whether or not to highlight the poem.. and Senryu deserves praise with this piece!!!" (7)

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"Not an expert so as far as ensuring it meets the form requirements for the meter is above my pay grade as they say, however the writer does seem to have met the "numbers of verses and rhyme scheme. It is a form I have not heard of before and applaud the writer for using it and for including the instructions for us in case anyone would like to try it and the judges did not have to go on a treasure hunt for them.

Now for the poem itself. The image I get from this and the meaning for me is one of a lone person, perhaps sitting outside in the darkness recounting the memories of a love affair that is or has gone bad. The times under the stars, walking along hand in hand looking at the moon, the scent of them, the looks, each memory special. One by one the person thinks about the good and bad, savors them, puts them away, moves on to the next until all are dealt with. The last act is to "lite that candle" at the wake of the dead/dying love affair and accept that it is over, put it away for now and move on." (7)

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My Life Flashed Before Me
by Mark Rawlins
14 pts

"I'm voting for this poem again this week. I have read the other poems as well as this one and every time I read this one, I realized that it's written well, and the emotions that it has.. I like it more and more. Specially, the ending which is open for interpretation." (7)

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"This is a clever repetitive poem that I could imagine being pacey enough and witty enough, to hold a teenagers attention. A great start that had me marvelling at how such a small stanza with a few very well chosen words could be so imaginative, you picture the scene from the off and follow the journey with every stanza. I love the change in tone and pace after 'and then'. A clever write and worthy of 7 points." (7)

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COMMENTS FOR HONORABLE MENTIONS:
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Mrs. Imaginary Mohawk
by Saerelune
11 pts

"Right away, I had a particular image of this young girl living two lives, one for the world versus how she truly acts and feels without any influences or pressures from outside. The opening images actually reminded me of the character Rose from Titanic, and how she grew up and was expected to sit at dinner parties and have polished manners to be a "lady". This poem took on a darker tone for me with the fourth stanza, as it created a real questioning of what she had endured, alone, without someone ever tending to what was wrong. I saw that "imaginary" was repeated quite a few times in the poem which led me to believe how insecure this girl was, or how hopeless that love will be real, or her heart will truly be loved. The ending was a bit morose, that she relied on sleeping pills, that nothing else could be her companion almost, that it was the only way she could be at peace. A unique story you have shared here, well-penned." (7)

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"I read this poem three times. Each time I got a bit more out of it.. I adore Saerlune's writing style, its very unique and creative.

I have to be honest and say the title is what captivated me and that is what can make or break a poem for me in many cases. I am a firm believer in making your title stand out and she did that and much more.

I felt a rebellious nature within this poem and that is another reason why I was drawn in.... Very colorful word usage here and the metaphors were just delightful!!" (4)

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Meanings
by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather
10 pts

"My comment will be short on this write. Says to me and I believe this from personal experience that as a young person we don't say what we mean, we use all kinds of "cute" phrases, innuendo, to speak to others. We "beat around the bush" and never really communicate the true feeling or emotions in our words. As we age and gain wisdom, we will begin to actually express what we want and what we mean without all the "stuff", we truly learn to communicate." (10)

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Nightmares and brain surgery
by Jack Crimson Nightingale
8 pts

"Anybody who can rhyme emergency and surgery gets my vote. Rhyming poems get a bad press on this site and are mostly overlooked because people cannot do them well. This works well and is well written, there is no forced rhyming, each word works at the end of the sentence it hasn't been plonked there to help the rhyme. Its a nice little tale that is written well." (4)

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"I was going to explain why I voted for this poem but you now what, I don't need to do that, I read it, I liked it, I could relate to it, so I elected to give it recognition with a vote. This write struck me as a plausible description of nightmares we might experience and how they haunt us even after we wake. I am not going to attempt to explain the images the words "conjure up" since the writer has done that with the words they chose to use and there really isn't any secret meaning to them, they are what they are. The writer is correct in that we cannot "unthink" or "undream" dreams/nightmares and although it is not expressed specifically but implied that it would take brain surgery or other drastic measures to remove the remnants from our minds." (4)

Congratulations!!

I feel like the filling in a Senryu sandwich this week haha!!! Congratulations on your double whammy :) Also congrats to all the HM's...some great poems.

Thanks to the judges for your super comments and thanks to the members who nominated my poem...very much appreciated. Also, thanks to Jane for collating and posting this week.

Congrats!
:D

Congrats to all

Congratulations to Senryu & Hellon & the other HMs. Thanks to the judge who gave a meaningful comment & for the HM.

Thanks to all the judges & to Jane.

Congrats Senryu, Hellon and all the HM's... great work! Thanks for posting Jane.

Congratulations everyone

Congrats all!

Hellon you made me giggle so hard I spilt my water LOL :-)

Well done to all involved :)

Congrats everybody! You're all inspiring.

Sorry i am late on this one, but definitely congrats to all of the extraordinary pieces this week :)