Congrats to the winners this week. We had 4 judges this week and the computer split a tie between 2 poems on 11pts each. Special mention to Skyler who caught the eye of all judges, 3 of the 4 gave her top marks. Well done to all involved :)
Winners:
A Sailors Lament by Skyler - 10 + 10 + 10 + 4 = 34
Favour of the world by Maher 10 + 4 = 14
Where the Dusk Meets the Dawn by Everlasting - 4 + 7 = 11
HM's
Dematerialise by Saerelune - 7 + 4 = 11
Polylucid by Armada the Gestalt - 7
With heavy tears by Meena Krish - 7
Comments:
A Sailors Lament by Skyler
'This poem narrates a story about the sea and a sailor as well as includes the topic of love. I enjoyed reading it. It has a peculiar rhyme scheme. There were places that I felt could need a bit more work. Also I am not sure if it was intended, but what caught my ears was the uneven use of meter. Some lines where iambic and others not.. that sort of retracted me from the poem but overall, your tone and the unforced rhymes drew me, it was an enjoyable read. Well done.' (10)
'This is a beautiful Rhyming piece, very elegant. The flow is very pretty, with a unique word display. The heart of a sailor is captivating each line. The depths of the sea are mesmerizing to the reader.
What a powerful poem by Skyler this week. The visuals I received from this poem, swept me out to sea. Incredible rhyme scheme as well. Just lovely!! (10)'
'I enjoyed reading this. Goes through all the reasons the sailor loves the sea and sailing but in the end loves his "mate" more. The reader could question whether the mate is really a female or is it the sea itself or the ship. Whichever you choose to believe, they or it is loved. There isn't much more that I can or would want to say about the poem. The writer has said it very well in the words used and they are woven together like an expensive silk fabric, smoothly and beautifully. On a technical side, the rhymes are very good, not forced or all and the "flow" of the poem is smooth.' (10)
'The rhyming here was so refreshing! I may be inspired to work on rhyming in a poem once every month or so, and it's enlightening for me personally, since I don't have much experience with it. What a tale you have told, and it flowed perfectly. There was such energy in your verses, adventure that made me imagine what being a sailor would be like. To serve my country, explore, have courage to set sail in new lands, to be in the hands of that vast and powerful sea. I also read a lot of confidence in your "voice" here, and I liked that, as your character shined through. There was respect and admiration for the captain yet even more loyalty to this love, whom you would rather be sailing with. Well-written, enjoyed the read!' (4)
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Favour of the world by Maher 10 + 4 = 14
'What stood out to me was how you confronted "the world", asking with conviction and concern in your voice that this world be a foundation for you to grow upon. You have a humble voice here and your requests are so human, for lack of a better word. We all long to love and be loved, to have some confirmation that some things in our lives haven't changed, that they have remained what we know. Such strength in this piece where you guide the world to resolve, hold firm, shudder not. I feel that can be open to interpretation with many situations. Beautifully written and this piece opened my eyes. The stanza that stopped me and made me think the most was the second to last one. That gave me great insight, how true that the world bares such a burden. We question it, tear it down, try to interpret and explain, but what do we always know? I also found hope in this piece, that we must keep waiting and the world must wait with us until that one day where wishes are granted, peace is reached, and there is a time where one can thrive, and not live in darkness. My only suggestion would be to work on the formatting in the first two stanzas as you have a few lines that are longer and don't have as much structure as the last stanza, unless you intended this. This was quite an enriching poem, well done.' (10)
'A mortal soul begging the world not to end before they have had a chance to live and love and marry the love of their life. Telling the world to continue "spinning" on its "axis" and to temper the things that happen, but to give time so they can enjoy what they are entitled to in life, love and marriage. Telling the world to stay strong even with all the burdens it carries, not to be brought to its knees by those who "hate" the world (if you hate the people, you hate the world), that there are some who do love the world and those in it and the world should be here for them.' (4)
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Where the Dusk Meets the Dawn by Everlasting - 4 + 7 = 11
'It is quite blissful to imagine where dusk meets the dawn, after twilight when the world is still and sleepy. I loved how you revered the night, and your desire for rest was such a soft plea here. What I also noticed in this piece was your structure. I liked the repetition of "Oh... night", and then "please just tell her". It was simple yet helped the poem flow. There was also subtle rhyming I enjoyed at the ends of the lines in the first stanza. It was wonderful how in the end you encouraged this woman who may be a stranger, how you wanted her to dream and live freely and fully all she wants, as long as she closes her eyes first and leaves you at peace. There was only one line that I didn't think sounded quite right, in my opinion. In the last stanza, saying she can now "take a fly" sounded too awkward to me. Maybe use a different verb? Overall, a lively piece and a creative spin on the prompt, drawing in nature tones.' (7)
'This beautiful and elegant poem by Lucero is breathtaking. with the nature tones and word usage I felt like I was reading an old age, historical piece, however it has her very creative word repetition just a bit within this poem that makes it unique and fun.
The tone within this message is a mixture of somber, and a touch of romance just because of the nature tones but holds a wonderful life and inspirational message as well. (4)'
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Dematerialise by Saerelune - 7 + 4 = 11
'Saerelune has a beautiful edge to her metaphors and within this poem it caught my attention from start to finish.
Her word usage is captivating, and incredible. She has a gift of creating metaphors and I applaud her within this poem.
What is wonderful about this poem is that the metaphors aren't so heavy that you get confused which is what I enjoy, because I caught myself becoming very emotional within reading and that is something that is very hard to do, she topped it off this week.' (7)
'A thought provoking poem. I'm afraid to say what comes to mind because there's plenty to say, however, I will just say that I like the imagery and the depth in some of the lines, whether it was intended or not. Well done.' (4)
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Polylucid by Armada the Gestalt - 7
'This poem has this voice. This tone that I can't explain but it draws me into the poem. It had like a hocus pocus atmosphere, for me it's a bit dark... I'm not sure what the poem is exactly about whether is about the author really trying to find who he is or if someone is obsessed or none of what I mentioned. However, it's really interesting.
These lines are thought provoking:
"Write my name in stone, anywhere.
City built on bones, known,
armageddon's armoury,
flown, flown."
Well done.' (7)
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With heavy tears by Meena Krish - 7
'When someone in your life passes away, like a mother or father or sibling, there are events or milestones that occur, like birthdays, holidays, family gathers, weddings. The first of each of these events is difficult to get through. You tend to recall those events and what the person did in the past that no longer will happen and it does make you sad and brings back the fact that they won't ever do those things again. Each succeeding year gets just a little easier to celebrate those events. The first is always the hardest. This poem outlines the first birthday missed and the writer feels as they remember there will not be anymore phones calls of any kind, there won't be any birthday wishes like before. The writer has expressed the emotion and feelings very well, to the point they are palpable.' (7)
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