Round Two Scores & Comments: Poets Traveling in Formation

My apologies to the contestants for the long delay for these comments and scores. First I was out of web-base & then one of my judges had a severe family emergency so I stepped in as a substitute. I hope no one minds. Although I vaguely knew the poets, it was so long since I had gotten them I was not sure who sent what and tried to ignore what I thought I might know.

Vacation Retreat - 62 points
Form 24/40
Content 38/60
The sixth line pointlessly had far too many syllables. The flow was a bit clunky in general. It might have been more effective if the fourth and fifth lines were statements by themselves like each of the other lines. Obviously this was a meaningful write for the poet and I do like the concept, however the read was too prescriptive for me.
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Vacation Retreat (Ottava rima)
A nice poem but a little disjointed and stilted in places, there wasn't the iambic (pentameter) verse that was required of this form which detracted from the piece. It is most evident in line one. Where "to Holy" is disjointed and then the comma which breaks up the line. I also feel there was an over use of filler words , for example "the" in line two, maybe this was used to increase syllable count, if it was ? it wasn't needed. The poem picked up from here then tripped up again at line 6. I can see what the poet is trying to achieve but didn't quite get there. Noted this is a challenging form but the rhythm needs to be there to achieve full affect, for me it didn't quite make it.
20 form
35 content
Total 55
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This form was a challenging one, with both rhyme scheme and meter requirements. Only one lapse occurred, although it was significant, in line 6 where it exceeded the meter allowance by three. Not sure why each line is capitalized. 28 for form.
The substance of the poem must be dealt with from the point of view of one who is both discouraged by continuing conflict and yet beset by a vision of what ought to be. Although the sense of the poem is spiritual, it is not religiously bound. As a plea for peace it is heartfelt. 45 for substance.
Total = 73.
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Vacation Retreat - 62+55+73=190
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Au Naturel (Triolet) - 55 points
Form 23/40
Content -32/60
The sixth line does not follow the rhyme scheme of the simple triolet. The impact would have been improved by removing most of the monosyllabic adjectives ('tickle toes' says as much as 'tickle bare toes'; 'lover's kiss' is actually sweeter than 'lover's sweet kiss'; etc). I liked the sugary lightness of the tone, the repeating lines did not grate, and the imagery was soft and sensual. But the beach, the moonlight, the red rose, the word 'love' stated six times... ugh. A love poem, yes, but it's a corny, inconsequential love poem. Popular with many, just not for me.
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Au Naturel (Triolet)
Such a lovely little poem written in a challenging form. That is up till line 6 which didn't conform to the rhyme scheme, such a shame as I would have scored it much higher. I'm not that familiar with this form of poetry but this had a lovely jingly feel to it
23 form
47 content
Total 70
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This form was a challenging one, with line repetition requirements and rhyme scheme and metric options. There were a couple of lapses on the rhyme scheme at lines 5 and 6 and only general adherence to iambic tetrameter; otherwise the form was followed and no other issues as to syntax or spelling. Form 26.
The poem is delightful as a simple dance of love, portraying an intimate moment both lively with music and yet lost in the solitude of a lonely beach under the stars. The imagery is excellent. 53 for substance.
Total = 79.
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Au Naturel (Triolet) - 55+70+79=204
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Internal Wanderlust (Quatern) - 67 points
Form 26/40
Content 41/60
The syllable count is a bit off: 'realizes' has three syllables, 'iron' has two. As different accents can confuse these things, it's always best to consult a dictionary to be certain. I thought the repeating line was placed cleverly in every stanza - it actually added to the significance each time, which makes writing this form worthwhile. I liked following the writer's journey through the poem, all the way to their own bed at home. A personal touch is always welcome. I was a bit lost in the third stanza, maybe need to brush up on American history? The lines broke up in odd spots sometimes, and some of the phrasing is a bit weird, but overall this is a pretty sweet poem.
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Internal Wanderlust (Quatern)
A very enjoyable read, well constructed. The first line of the third Quatrain is 9 syllables but understand that many would think Iron is one but in fact it is two syllables. I really like how you have cleverly incorporated the refrain in each succeeding quatrain. This is very evident in the second quatrain where you have included an abcb rhyme. Oh and "diversity" such a strong word to end on.
Well done.
28 Form
48 Content
Total 76
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This form was a challenging one, with line repetition, metric and length requirements. Unfortunately, the refrain line carried an extra syllable which was repeated four times. Perhaps the author pronounces Realizes as 3 syllables (real-i-zes), but Miriam Webster agrees that it is 4 (re-al-iz-es). Form 24.
This poem was more difficult to get into until the third read through. The images are intriguing, but don't really flow into one another in a conventional format. Then the title spells out a path that makes sense. Traveling in dream-time is indeed a form of wanderlust from which it is hard to return. No one realizes the beauty of the ordinary until the have seen it from extraordinary viewpoints. No one appreciates home until we have been away. No appreciates what we have had until it has passed into history. 48 for substance.
Total = 72.
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Internal Wanderlust (Quatern) - 67+76+72=215
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To the Sun, to the Hammock, and to my Sleep (Sestina) - 64 points
Form - 29/40
Content - 35/60
I know this would have been a difficult write, but the truth is I did not enjoy reading this poem. I made myself read it twice purely because I am a judge and I knew the poet was writing with heart. But this form, though correctly executed, did not do its message any justice. While the content was probably the most interesting of the round, it felt long, forced, repetitive, and I lost track of what was going on without feeling any of the complexity beneath it. Words are preciously important in poetry, and here they were too many that were wasted. I would encourage this poet to keep rising to challenges, but always prioritize the best delivery of their art over diluting its impact by flaunting a complicated form. Choose the poem first, then the form.
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To the Sun, to the Hammock, and to my Sleep (Sestina)
Unfortunately this poem didn't work for me. I found it disjointed and lacking flow and direction. There is an over use of punctuation for example "I think, it can. I think, it might be gone if I visit the sea" there are 2 commas and a full stop here, where a comma after can would have worked better. It certainly made it confusing to this reader. It was also very repetitious in certain places, the over use of certain words like sun detracted from your message. I feel the repetition of the ending words would have been enough. Also Stars became Star half way through the poem of what is a strict form. I did however like the change in theme of your Tercet
20 Form
30 Content
Total 50
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The sestina is the most difficult form of the entries submitted, with specific word placement repetition, stanza and length requirements. This entry was excellently performed, although "stars" became "star" in three places and "be" was not properly placed in the final envoy. Medium attention to syntax and spelling: may be should be maybe, eliminate the double periods, avoid over-punctuation and capitalizing each line. Form 33.
The hardest part of a sestina is to creatively use the six words in a way that is natural and does not appear forced. Rarely have I read one where this occurs. Here, the author does a reasonable job for the most part. There is too much internal repetition, such as brightest, touch, hammock, sun. I think broadening the vocabulary throughout would make it more interesting. On the other hand, the subtle interweaving of dissatisfaction on both a physical and spiritual level is appealing. 49 for substance.
Total = 82.
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To the Sun, to the Hammock, and to my Sleep (Sestina) - 64+50+82=196
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Outpouring of Life (Double Tetractys) - 60 points
Form 25/40
Content 35/60
The simple form was correctly followed. I think this poem was a little too ambitious... it was trying to convey a big feeling - of love, life, mysticism, renewal - just by using a waterfall. It almost worked, but not well enough. The first and last sentences were too fragmented and the grammar needs work.
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Outpouring of Life (Double Tetractys)
My first thought was how do I compare this to some of the other forms wow...well you can't in this instance just judge it on its merits. It isn't as challenging as the other forms but nevertheless well executed. It flowed beautifully with a well rounded, thought provoking ending.
25
50
Total 75
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The Double Tetractys is an interesting format, requiring ascending and descending syllable counts only. Other than the incomplete sentence form in the last four lines, there are no errors. Form 20.
The poem is a simple metaphor of renewal as symbolized by love and water. It reads refreshingly and leaves the reader with a crisp finish. 40 for substance.
Total = 60.
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Outpouring of Life (Double Tetractys) - 60+75+60=195
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Internal Wanderlust (Quatern) - 67+76+72=215
Au Naturel (Triolet) - 55+70+79=204
To the Sun, to the Hammock, and to my Sleep (Sestina) - 64+50+82=196
Outpouring of Life (Double Tetractys) - 60+75+64=195
Vacation Retreat - 62+55+73=190

The authors of Internal Wanderlust, Au Naturel and To the Sun, to the Hammock, and to my Sleep will be given a challenge tonight for the overall forms mastership. Award to be announced at the same time.

Thank you for the advices judges and all the best to those continuing.