Weekly Contest Winners 21/7/2014

Another week and another new front page! Smooth week this week with no complications, thanks to judges for their hard work. Great to see some new talent emerge, well done to all winners and HM's. Keep writing!

Winners:
A Final Confession by Kakera - 10 + 10 = 20pts
Four Years Later by Alexandra - 4 + 7 + 4 = 15pts
The Black and the White by maged - 7 + 7 = 14pts

HM's:
In Our Marriage by Melpomene - 10
Poets Reflection (villanelle) by Michael D Nalley - 10
Fading Flower by Ddavidd - 10
August rush by The Poet Behind The Poems - 7
I Shall Not Say Goodbye by Baby Rainbow - 7
Blind Heart by Meena Krish - 4
Sidewalks by Beautiful Soul - 4
Inner Freedom by Alka mendiratta - 4

----- COMMENTS -----

A Final Confession by Kakera - 10 + 10 = 20pts

Comment 1:

'I read and re-read this again and again. Each time the picture became
clearer and feel, behind each line there is more pain and sadness which the
writer is dealing with. There are some stanzas in this poem which stands out
but the one that really got me teary is this:
Every train wreck of a soul I created,
unintentionally, just by existing:
My twisted insides kicking and screaming.
To be honest, I've felt that many a times...
Finally, the ending of this poem, yearns the wanting of a change, to be a better
person and in the process see a better life where life itself will be appreciated.
I feel the heaviness within this write and wish the writer all the very best.' (10)

Comment 2:
'I've read this about three times through now, and each time, I am greatly inspired. It's moving that you shared this, such a piece of self-reflection and self-love as well. I like how you structured this piece, how you revealed dark parts of you that you never wanted to become your whole life, and how your deepest desire is to move away from that. There is purity and grace in this piece, and I admire how you expressed emotion and how the reader can connect with this journey. How it's personal to you yet some parts speak to me as well, such as how "being unclean is easier" and "who I needed to be to allow the victims of my cruel love some peace and closure". I agree that it is often easy to fall into the waves of self-loathing because we feel we have done enough damage, it is easier to isolate than embrace. But that's not what we were created to do or to be... Loved the ending repetition of "pray"; it offers sincere hope, especially that you are asking for love to re-enter your heart, wanting to not become the demon or keep thinking when this change will ever come. Such depth in this. What moved me the most was how you crafted this poem with it being a poem of confession, like in the confessional with a priest. I think that is the hardest step to take because it is letting your heart speak, and it's digging into the past and trying to reconcile. Powerful write Kakera!' (10)

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Four Years Later by Alexandra - 4 + 7 + 4 = 15pts

Comment 1:
'What a wonderful and well written poem by Alexandra!

This poem can relate to anyone when reflecting upon the past, mistakes, choices and longing for things to be different.

I personally can relate on so many levels with this poem and that is one of the many reasons why I chose this piece this week.

I do enjoy the raw simplicity of this poem as well, its flows very nicely and has a soft flare and pizazz to it, which is hard to do within the sombering subject matter, well done!' (7)

Comment 2:
'First, I would like to say, welcome to the site! I hope to see more of your works shared on here, and I agree with others that this is well-written. What speaks to me about this poem is the balance you have as the writer. It is not too heavy with metaphors or clouded with imagery. There is a simile that holds significance, and you take simplicity and expose the beauty of remembering this loved one. I like your simple use of the parentheses near the middle of the poem. It gives your voice this softness and this hope this person gave you by seemingly banishing the darkness, giving you another option, then saying you might be the source of that inspiration. One suggestion though, should "we use to" be "we used to" in the second stanza? I love how you tell that you would "lie awake whispering into the night", and then reveal you are still doing that, four years later, dreaming and not recalling those specific images, but the emotions. That is powerful in and of itself. Keep writing!' (4)

Comment 3:
'A poem every woman (or man I suppose) can relate to - the could have, would have, should have's that we replay in our heads, the regret of our memory and the longing for someone from our past. I really like how strong the poem started out, pretty quickly, filled with sadness yet strength. The ending wasn't as strong as the rest of the poem, but endings are usually never the same. You held such impact in the front and middle, and that was enough for me, I really loved it. Another poem from someone I've never read before, and I love that new talent is spreading over PnQ!' (4)

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The Black and the White by maged - 7 + 7 = 14pts

Comment 1:
'I am not familiar with your works, but I am glad I came across this one. The atmosphere seems idealized, picturesque to me, as if it challenges the ordinary world, what we claim to know and appreciate. I like how it's up to the reader to imagine who this "he" is. Is this a reference to Adam and Eve perhaps? It reminded me of the creation story, and the first two humans born with original sin, tempting each other. And you are the detached narrator, the simple observer? I adore how you added dialogue in this, yet it didn't muddle the poem or break the flow, it actually seemed elegantly placed in the poem. The opening, in my opinion, suggested the birth of the world, where there is Heaven, then Earth, a place of worldly things, temptations, love, lust, etc. This character then dances with the devil or someone tempted by the devil, to try what she could not do before perhaps, and he wishes to take her from the perfect, immaculate garden not created by man, to one they can create. It also illustrates to me our humanity... how we sin, how we can linger, watch the world around us as it makes mistakes and seemingly self-destructs. A more abstract piece but I enjoyed this and how there is some vagueness that prompts the reader to reflect.... the ending especially, makes me imagine that these two characters are waiting for when the world will be revealed as "black and white", "good or bad", that it may be easier to see where their fate rests or what they can choose. Intriguing write with a beautiful flow!' (7)

Comment 2:
'I have never read from this author before this poem, and I am incredibly impressed. I don't normally have a liking for poetry with a lot of quotations in it like this one, but this poem was placed so perfectly with them that I hardly noticed. The imagery was out of this world, and I love the references. I pictured a spirit pointing out Eve to the devil, saying hey, try this way. I love the way the people were portrayed and the tone set with it. All of Heaven paused to watch -- so truthful, I believe. This was a beauty.' (7)

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HM's

In Our Marriage by Melpomene - 10

'Having followed this author in the past I know she doesn't like doing formed poetry, but when she does, she always brings her style and a breath of fresh air to whatever she is attempting. Everything flows together so well, even though the acrostic has some letters you can tell she had to work her placement around. Still beautiful and elegant. I really like the topic and how she flits from one metaphor/image to another, yet it all is packaged in this perfect little piece. That ending is what makes it so incredibly perfect.' (10)

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Poets Reflection (villanelle) by Michael D Nalley - 10

The Villanelle is a difficult form to pursue when writing formed poetry and I feel Michael achieved that goal and much more within this beautiful poem.

I particularly enjoyed his word usage within this piece, the desires of a poet and carefully detailed outline of the message.

"proverbial angels as well as the mythical moles" <---- captivating word usage here ~

All in all, the message goes into great detail on the life and depth of a poet and the form was wonderfully displayed' (10)

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Fading Flower by Ddavidd - 10

'There are some technical issues if you wish to call them technical and I do.

Line One - Reads as if words are missing. Not sure if that was on purpose or not.
"why is so sad, the fading flower?" (Capitalize the w, change the wording around)

"Why is the fading flower so sad?"
That is how a child would ask a question, not like it is written.

Line Two - doesn't need the - but does need a period at the end of the line.

Line Three - "it is because sadness (capitalize the first letter of the line)

Line Four - is where the beauty complete itself (complete needs an s added)

Line Five - -answered mother, the fading flower. (No dash needed, add his after mother, change the fading flower to as the flower fades away.

This is how the poem would read with those adjustments and the message of the poem has not changed at all. For content and the message, I can imagine that a child might see a dying flower as fading and that the child might think it is sad and even cry. As for the answer the mother gives, not entirely sure that I understand it nor do I think a child would understand it either. When flowers "fade" they are far from beautiful. Perhaps this writer meant there was beauty in the process of dying (fading). I would be interested in hearing what they did intend the message to be. In the event anyone has questions as to why I would vote for this poem after the things I feel could be presented in a better way were given. The reason is the poem is short, doesn't ramble on and on, is not full of I's, uses wording that is understandable and encourages the reader to think and use their imagination to come up with the intent of the writer.

My Revised Edition
"Why is the fading flower so sad?"
asked the tearful child.
"It is because sadness
is where the beauty completes itself"
answered his mother as the flower fades away.' (10

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August rush by The Poet Behind The Poems - 7

'A captivating write! Its from the second stanza onwards that
got me interested. I also like the mixture of season and month; each
one having a character that can be identified with human nature. The
description has elegance and beauty with vivid imagery. I enjoyed this gem!' (7)

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I Shall Not Say Goodbye by Baby Rainbow - 7

'I can relate to this poem very much as I have experienced this situation. The writer has captured and expressed the emotions that are felt at times like this. The only emotion I find missing is the anger that you do feel at the person, how dare you die and leave me kind of anger. With all the wires, tubes, etc., the person does become a stranger and it is difficult to remember them as they really are. I like the way the writer has used words that are simple yet powerful to convey the emotion and feelings necessary.' (7)

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Blind Heart by Meena Krish - 4

'I voted for this last week and will do so again this week. There is no change in the comments I made last week, I still feel the same. The grief of either a "death of a loved one" or the "death of a relationship" at times does hide anger and we do not express it or show it to the world "because that would not be proper". We feel guilt because we dare to feel the anger. We have the anger because we see the love was full of lies, we have been taken on an emotional roller coaster, our hearts blinded by the words of love uttered by our "mate", we were fooled by their smiles and we are left with the remnants of the dreams of how the relationship was in our minds versus how it really was. This just feeds that anger that hides beneath our grief. Another writer who has used simple words to express the emotions and feelings and it works. It is understandable and as a reader makes me say, yes I have felt that way before, I can relate.' (4)

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Sidewalks by Beautiful Soul - 4

'LOVE short poems!
Beautiful Soul has created a very touching and creative, yet simplistic poem this week.

Small poems are difficult to master because the message needs to explode in very few lines, and I enjoyed this piece greatly.

Powerful and to the point! Very nice~' (4)

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Inner Freedom by Alka mendiratta - 4

'I keep coming back to this poem again and again. The serenity it has and
the warmth it gives me is simply uplifting. It has become a daily read for me
now every time I log into this site. As I read it I felt love, hope, strength and
more importantly faith. It shows that no matter the situation, take time out and
reach out to God and He will fill you with an answer. A beautiful read!' (4)

Thank you judges for the votes and wonderful comments, and congratulations to Alexandra and maged for your wins as well! And congratulations to all the HMs too!

Congrats all

Great to see new poets, congratulations to the winners & HM's!

Thank you. I appreciate the indepth comments, Judges and thank you for the welcome. This site is pretty awesome.

Congrats to the other winners and Hms too. :D
...Erm, what's an HM?

^ Congrats on your win and welcome to PnQ! Hope you keep writing and sharing... this is a wonderful site.

An HM is an honorable mention :]

New faces! That's awesome. Congrats all!

Super great talent this week!

Well done to those new members doing so well, and congratulations on your wins and HMs.

Thanks judges and mods :)

Congrats winners and HM's and thank you judges once again for the HM.

One day the young Vincent van Gogh, in his way back to Paris, from the mine village...??, as it was suggested by his brother, showed some of his drawings to a professional friend (of his brother), in order to be evaluated. The artist redrew one of his works according to the proper proportions squares, and showed the Van Gogh his technical flaws by comparing the two drawings together. Then he said to him: even though your drawing is raw and mine is all technically correct, yours has something that mine lacks, and that is a soul.
Now compare your version of my poem with the original: wouldn't you see the same thing??

haha the recurring: "the fading flower" was the main purpose of the poem that you eliminated in yours.

Though thank you for choosing my poem.
also tanks to dear Everlasting and Larry

Congrats all and thanks for the HM

Congrats to you all and thanks for the hm

Congrats to all the winners & HMs. Thanks to the Judges & to Colm