Weekly contest winners 25/8/2014

Hi all (Colm here).

Sorry for the slight delay in the posting of the thread this week. We also only had four judges this week unfortunately and the site broke a tie for one of the winning poems. Well done to winners, hm's and judges. Keep writing everyone!

Winners:

Fragmented captivity by Masked metaphor - 10

Somewhere near the sea By: The Princess - 7 + 7 = 14pts

For the Angels; Heaven in their ShoesvBy: Ms. SunShine & Maple Tree - 10 + 4 = 14pts

HM's

The Surrogate of You By: Everlasting - 10

Once Upon A Bridge by Baby Rainbow - 10

Tempered by Silently Screaming - 7

The Putrid Moon by PorcelainMoon - 7

You Left Me (Kyrielle) by Meena Krish - 4

2.45 by Armada the Gestalt - 4

An Instance that Blossomed in Insistency by Ddavid - 4

********** COMMENTS **********

Winners:

Fragmented captivity by Masked metaphor - 10

'What a read this had been for me.
A dark thriller where emotions
are bundled and picked apart
by everyone and everything around the person. Its like seeing,
feeling and experiencing these events from inside out. A psychological read that made
me feel like I was watching a movie. I also liked how the
author used day, time and month and separated the events.
Breaking up the story yet building
it up to the climax. I must say this has been the longest poem I've read and was so very well written. Heart rendering write...excellent! (10 points)'

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Somewhere near the sea By: The Princess - 7 + 7 = 14pts

Comment 1: 'I became so engrossed in this poem, especially with how you wove your family into this and told a story, gave voice to those characters that I do not know of, who are complete strangers to me. The opening line is sweet, innocent, and invites imagination in. Just imagining catching the sun in cookie jars makes me smile! Then, there is a turn now to the present, and almost a subtle transition of tone, one of sadness maybe but of an attitude that has become hopeless instead of carefree, like you were as a child. I like how you keep the connection with the candies by mentioning this person, who I assume is your brother, who now has to take medication and who may deal with stresses. My one suggestion is to not repeat "we meet every now and then" right before the "I order coffee" as I feel it breaks the flow and is not needed. The mention of your father, and how there is a certain desolate look in his eye, and maybe dread, is very vivid here. I feel a sadness and loss of hope when you hint that your mother and father still have not embraced life, or have not found true happiness, simply going through the motions so to speak. You give a lot of clues in this piece without it being overbearing or meaningless. It certainly adds to the atmosphere, especially mentioning Cairo and the city life you witness each day. There is almost bitterness in the end, that you cannot return to your childhood, cannot fulfill those wishes of living on the coast. Instead, you have lost your desire to live, as if where you live now will never fill you the way you wanted for yourself and your brother. A sad ending indeed, that the only place of rest will be in the peaceful place you dreamed of in youth. Moving piece. (7)'

Comment 2: 'Juxtaposition is extra powerful in this poem because it runs along a double axis. The simple pleasures of youth erased by the cares of surviving a noxious but endemic diet and habits known to self-destruct the user. The dreams of a simple life erased by the decades of turmoil in national politics and the real potential for bloodshed arising at any moment. The stress induced final solution is not believable but accepted as a cry of frustration. (7)'

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For the Angels; Heaven in their Shoes By: Ms. SunShine & Maple Tree - 10 + 4 = 14pts

Comment 1: 'I copy the poems separately from the author and so did not know this was a collaboration until I got to the bottom. Very impressive - despite the two obvious voices a single soul shines forth in declaiming the tragedy. The imagery throughout is magnificent in its precision: "the other side of darkness," "the few fading buds left," "witnessed the sky devouring blood," "fallen wings in my pocket."
These images portray the youth being slaughtered more clearly than anything I've had thrown at me on youtube: fading buds that will never bloom, sacrificed angels whose fallen wings craft a peace flag of futility, the ultimate helplessness felt by those not only on the distant side of the world, but also by those next door who can only stand aghast and watch.' (10)

Comment 2: 'Compassion is what seeps from each line of this poem. The genuine love and friendship within both of your hearts is evident and inspiring. It's very true that we cannot imagine what another person experiences, even if we see it through media or other sources, we are not in the same country, walking on the same land. Both of you write with grace, sincerity, and beauty that we cannot give up on humanity, or what we may not understand or live through. I like how you include nature and paint a realistic atmosphere that helps the reader sense how violent and dark this land has become, no flowers growing or sun willing to shine. The imagery of the angels is almost spiritual, as well as the call for Heaven to be that much closer and real to those who live in darkness and dread. Beautiful piece, ladies!' (4)

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HM's

The Surrogate of You By: Everlasting - 10

'The idea of being a surrogate to this person is intriguing and fills me with curiosity. The only other times I have heard "surrogate" is in stories I have read on surrogate mothers. I like how easily your thoughts transition and flow, and how you separate certain lines to further highlight your doubt that you cannot keep living like this. Living so empty, living for another person but not for your own purpose. It's interesting to me how you mention earth and nature, the sun, stars, meteorites and how it's like this feeling cannot be explained. As if you were created by something far more mystical than one could imagine. Then, you transition to include a certain someone. There is a distinct yearning and almost dreamy want to experience love, not just hear about it, but to know you are here for a reason. I notice how you urge more and more for this person to be with you, to "shovel' with you, this snow that perhaps represents baggage in your life and burdens you wish to let go. I think the image at the end of the frosty driveway cleverly stresses how much you want to find an answer, not be alone, find another path, anything except the one you are "snowed in" at. Lovely write!' (10)

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Once Upon A Bridge by Baby Rainbow - 10

'This poem stands out above the rest this week. To write about a tragic loss is difficult
To do, and then to craft it into a flowing poem, with rhythmic intensity is mind blowing and Saffie
Has totally blown me away this week!
She wraps her heartfelt sadness and emotions from start to finish in this poem. Truly a heart gripping and well written poem, well done Saffie! ' (10)

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Tempered by Silently Screaming - 7

'Reading this poem takes and gives me different pictures; yet each one
has deep sentiments to deal with.
I like how the writer has painted
a picture of a complex and
complicated person, one whose path is filled with riddles and puzzles for the other to
understand...to know or maybe not able to understand. I like the descriptions given
in the second and third verses for
it draws an understanding
picture of what the author sees.
An interesting read..very well written.' (7)

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The Putrid Moon by PorcelainMoon - 7

'Mr. Porcelain Moon has written a short and truly magical poem this week. His word usage and fun format is brilliant!

The word display and visuals are fun and exciting! Hard to do in a small piece.

I like the usage of melodramatic chariots- Fun way to describe cars under the moon..

There is a sad and somber tone in this piece... a sense of loneliness and He has written a gem here!' (7)

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You Left Me (Kyrielle) by Meena Krish - 4

'Meena knows how to design a Kyrielle and this piece is lovely.. The elegance and simplicity is one of the many reasons I adore this poem...

Very pretty piece! Her heart oozes in and between the lines which can be felt while reading. Nothing seemed forced and the rhyming pattern choice of wording was just very nice! Well done!' (4)

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2.45 by Armada the Gestalt - 4

'Such a refreshing burst of pure life! The opening line is like a manifesto: "Contentment is not on my roster." The poet describes in stream-of-conscious form the Salmon Leap of mankind into the great adventure of life: sharing, contesting, exploring, exhausting oneself yet always aware that existence is fleeting. When does sharing cause the other to meld with yourself? Experience of the world includes worldly things, but in the end, caution is for the immortals, not us.' (4)

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An Instance that Blossomed in Insistency by Ddavid - 4

'The title caught my eye and seeing who the author was, I was sure
that this poem is going to give
me things to think and feelings
to ponder upon. The poem
itself is written with such elegance so much so that it flows so smoothly and I could hear the writer speak these words. I like
the sentiments, the comparisons
as well as the love which radiates from this write. A beautiful read.' (4)

Thanks a lot for your heartwarming comments.
Thanks for bringing the poem to light. It meant a lot for Andrea and myself.

Congrats for everyone else :)

Judge, What an Interesting perspective, I hadn't think of it that way. Thank you so much for your comment. Congrats everyone.

Thank you judges for the wonderful comments... Nana and I's poem is very dear to our hearts and to have it highlighted means a great deal to us :-) Congratulations to everyone... beautiful poetry!

Congrats all! :)

Congratulations everyone! Thanks for posting, Colm!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!