Weekly Contest Results, 1 September 2014

This week the judges were moved by profound turning points: a parent sending his child out to the world, a man holding to a fleeting recognition of love (light) that sustains him in the darkness, and the challenge of wine overcome by cleansing water. We had two sub judges and thanks to both for coordinating the time differences and submitting their comments.

Jessica's First Year by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather 7+7+7=21 points
An Instance that Blossomed in Insistency by Ddavidd 10+10=20 points
A Conversation by William Mae 4+4+10= 18 points

Oh, Dreamer by JaneDoeWrites 7+10=17 points
This love of land is killing us by The Princess 4+7=11 points
Beyond the Grave by Maher 10 points
So Fair by Ddavidd 4 points
Words by RaniaMoallem aka Ms SunShine 4 points

COMMENTS

**************

Jessica's First Year (Godfather Sonnet) by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather 7 points
This poem, while personal, was filled with heaps of emotions that a lot of us can relate to. It speaks of heartache and unconditional love, enunciating the feeling of loss but it also shows positive emotions; the grief of watching her go is partially alleviated by knowing that she's persevering and confident and well-prepared to face the world on her own and reach her aim, and that no matter how far away you are from her, you still share such a bond. The ending is just heart-wrenching. Added to my favourites, and hope to see it on the front page.

*******

Jessica's First Year by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather (Godfather Sonnet)
Larry is one creative formed poetry writer and he created a unique and fun Sonnet here.. so the form was priceless in my opinion... and then the message, well it made me cry like a baby...
Guiding your child off to start a new life as a fresh young adult... going off on her own.. well that is very difficult for a parent to do.. And from start to finish you can't help but be affected ... what an elegant and sad piece this is... just a precious piece from start to finish! (7)

*******

Jessica's First Year by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather (7 points)
The title followed by the form got me to read this. Have not come across this
form so had to find out more. The read itself holds a lot of memories as well as emotions of a child leaving the nest; heading out to face the world. As the parents are left with just memories of a child and his/her room. I like the descriptions of the places and the imprints left by the child. The ending:
She has the rocky mountain bloom,
we've the echo: her empty room.
^^this one holds the deepest pain I feel. A pain which every parent can comprehend. A touching write and an interesting form which makes me
want to try!

**************

An Instance that Blossomed in Insistency by Ddavidd 10 points
I have read this piece a couple of times and I still feel like I'm missing something, like I haven't fully grasped what the author is trying to say. But what I've got so far suffices to make me give this poem the ten points with no hesitation. The starting lines were simply profound. I like it when writers can compress their thoughts into few, simple, expressly stated words, letting their feeling flow without any constraints. I found myself reading the poem from start to finish with such ease. The idea of the poem itself is stunning and deep. Yes, once you find the sunshine inside of you, you can never turn back. And yes, we are creatures of light, no matter how many layers of darkness cover this light, it still radiates at times, revealing our true nature. I liked the similes you used and I like the "your word through the deafening mud of all sounds budding in my ears". Made for a perfect final image. Keep writing.

*******

An Instance that Blossomed in Insistency by Ddavidd (10)
This is a very touching piece, especially in the opening lines of calling out to the sun to grant light. It makes me wonder if that is all humanity wants, for some hope or clarity to be made known in the darkest night, or when we feel our souls are dark. I note a certain reverence for the sun as well, especially in how you write "thy" and honor it by living its memory, remembering its truth even in that dungeon and those "tunnels", which I assume can be generalized to mean the holes we find ourselves in throughout our life, when we don't have everything solved for us. I like how you then transition in the last few stanzas to stressing how helpless you are, lost without the sun, that a moment upon gazing at the sun cannot be forgotten, it is not something so commonplace. That opens my eyes as I think we often take the sun for granted, knowing it will rise and fall each day but never relishing in it or being thankful. The subtle repetition of "like me/ like a seed/ like your word" gives a unique touch and elegance to the poem, as well as offering hope for a new beginning. That seeing the sun is like entering spring. Heartwarming, uplifting verses!

**************

A Conversation by William Mae (4)
A consistent rhyme throughout this piece; it's not too often I read rhyme so this was a treat! I like how you take two seemingly common objects, water and wine, and personify them to show their virtues and even vices. The power and influence of wine alone is apparent in these stanzas. The only critique I have concerns the final lines. I feel the ending is too abrupt and does not conclude this conversation between water and wine, doesn't give enough "closure" so to speak. Maybe add another stanza of the departure of the wine and water? Or which one holds more honor since you have stated in the final lines that the water's purpose is different, seemingly more noble, to lift man up. Thoughtful piece!

*******

A Conversation by William Mae
William left me speechless this week, with this amazing piece of poetry! I was blown away by the mesmerizing comparison of wine and water and the metaphors were excellent!
I tied this piece into political views, spiritual views and the basic concept of simple versus extravagant... I cant say enough with this poem... just dazzling!! (10)

*******

A Conversation by William Mae
Even though I think this poem needs some editing, (it's too long and some images are repeated), and I didn't like seeing the first letter of each line capitalized, (it's old school and somewhat distracting), I think it deserves to be highlighted, because the thought is terrific. Some repetitions worked well, maintaining the meaning you're trying to convey, but some of them were unnecessary and seemed forced to keep the poem rhyming. Anyway. What I got from this piece is that all that glitters is not gold and we usually ignore the precious gifts and beauty we're surrounded by, not knowing that they're the reason we're surviving, blinded by what's fake and temporarily pleasing. Loved it, and loved that you turned this into a conversation. Good job.

**************

Oh, dreamer by Jane Doe Writes 10 points
'This poem had a very original quality that just drew me in. It wasn't until the end when I fully appreciated that it was written from the point of view of a dreamcatcher, and I felt the poet did a great job in personifying the object in question and giving us a unique and interesting point of view. The imagery and wording is excellent: lines like 'dog-eared' and 'sinew strands' stand out. I find it interesting too that the speaker is almost describing his own dreams, even though it is his role to catch dreams for everybody else. I feel that there is a depth to the poem and think it is worthy of the front page this week. Well done (10)'

*******

Oh, Dreamer by JaneDoeWrites (7)
Wonderful piece inspired by the prompt! There is a new admiration I now have for dreamcatchers, and quite a humble presence in your verses. I love the first image of him plucking at your heart strings, as if you are a guitar and he is trying to make sense of his life and what haunts him... and that perhaps he can find calm when you are near. The second stanza speaks to me as you being a loyal protector of this person no matter the cost, or how worn out you appear. The image of casting away his nightmares and making them afraid to return is strong here! A very simple ending but it impacts the reader with the comparison to the soldier, as many military may not be honored and recognized for their service if they have been wounded or killed. I personally don't have a dreamcatcher but I think they're neat and decorative, and your words gave grace to the dreamcatcher and personified it beautifully.

**************

This love of land is killing us by The Princess 7 points
'I liked how this poem had such an impact despite being short. I think also that the matter of fact tone helps add to the impact of describing a war/conflict zone from the point of view of innocents trying to go about their lives. There is a real sense that they want to escape their situation but will do anything and persevere to survive it. '9 bombs' bring a specific sense to the poem and helps make it more real in that sense. It makes the reader think about the conditions these people are living in and puts other problems people encounter into perspective somewhat. The image of postcards fluttering away like birds is fantastic, as is the fact that the people who send them are aware that they are 'pretending' but this shows their willingness to dream: something which is highlighted again at the end. Overall, well written, well done (7)'

*******

This love of land is killing us by The Princess (4 points)
I like the simplicity of this poem. There is sadness in it but it has become part and parcel of life. War and death is tearing the country apart, but life goes on; its as if they have embraced this reality. I especially like the ending verses for it holds a glimmer of hope in the dreams they dream. One thing war can't take away from civilians. I find this write simply beautiful in its sadness...moving write.

**************

Beyond the Grave by Maher (10 points)
The emotional pain by the ones who remain behind is see-able. We can see how much this woman is going through, finally giving birth to a child born out of love but without her love by her side. What makes this poem more pulling is the thoughts and emotions that is running through the one who is dead and gone. It made me think, what it is like for the person who has departed this world, do they still have feelings and see their loved ones...
A touching write.

**************

So fair by Ddavidd 4 points
'This poem caught my attention because it was different. I think it put an emphasis on sound: the effective rhyme was only part what helped shape the musicality of this piece. It flowed almost like the words to a song, and the tone echoed the theme of poets and musicians blending their art. It has a mystic-type imagery: a dreamy feel that helps create an image of the characters and feelings involved without being too specific or grounded. Overall I think it works well and was something different and quite original to come across this week. (4)'

**************

Words by RaniaMoallem aka Ms SunShine
Rania, has a very unique and elegant way she writes and with this touching piece of poetry she captivated me...
Miss someone, the loss of someone and tying it into poetry...
well its just a wonderful small poem.. I love her creative twist of play on words with "While" and I liked it so much that for me that was the key to this piece... just wonderful!! (4)

Thank you, judges, for the insightful comments & win.
Congratulations to Ddavidd for your well deserved win & HM & to the other wins & HMs.

Thanks judges & subs.

Congratulations

Thank you guys :) :)

Congrats!

Thanks a lot for that hearttwarming comment. It meant a lot.

Congrats for the winners and HM's.
Larry you are sparkling the front page. PS: thanks for posting.

Congratulations to the winners and Hm's <3

Well done all :)

Congratulations everyone!