Weekly Contest: 08 September 2014

This week three lovely ladies have their poems on the front page. What intrigued me most was that all poems spoke about an aspect of place. Congratulations to Nor, Noura and Yaki, your poems are gems. One judge has voted but hasn't had a chance to send in comments, I'll update as soon as I get them.

WINNERS:
Dual nationality by Yaki: 10 + 7 + 4 = 21
Day No. 6 nourayasmine: 7 + 10 + 7 = 24
This love of land is killing us: 10 + 10 = 20

HM's
Blemished Heart by Hannah Lizette: 10
Death is My Name by ddavidd: 7
Key to happiness by Alka mendiratta 7
I didn't know his name by William Mae 4
Suppression by Hellon: 4
A thousand heads need no sleepby Armada the Gestalt: 4
Ivette, Such Rapture, On Me, You Bestow...(Bowlesian Sonnet ) by Robert Gardiner

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COMMENTS

Dual nationality by Yaki

I really admire the rawness of this piece by Yaki and the open hearted message... yet she still adds her Yaki flavour and style into the mix! Feeling stuck between worlds and feeling unsure of her identity can be a sorrowful feeling and trying to learn where and how to fit in... Society leaves us feeling labeled... where a soul belongs... So many messages within this piece .... Truly an in depth piece by this author and I also want to highlight the format she chose for this poem... really adore this poem!! (10)

What attracted me to this poem was the honesty and I say honesty because some poets can write honestly but sugar coat their poetry to make it pretty. Yaki doesn't need to do this; her writing is beautiful without all of the wordy aesthetics. For me I appreciated the rawness, I truly believe you need to shed skin to be able to write a poem like this. Combing elements of real conversation was intriguing and the idea of a dual personality is fresh. People always speak of split personality but having it link to a dual nationality was fresh. This is a poem I can relate to in more ways than one. The idea of living in a home but not having a home does not provide me with sadness but rather a sense of longing and one in time I'm sure the writer will be able to fill (4)

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Day No. 6 by nourayasmine

I love random thoughts by Noura... she groups together her emotions and feelings and paints a picture with words... this poem speaks and oozes sorrow and pain, struggles of what was lost and devastation of the here and now.. Her visual displays are priceless! (7)

Your style of writing always captures my attention and pulls at my heart. It's raw and open in a way someone would observe the destruction around them and wonder why, why there cannot be light at every moment. I love your simple repetition of "reminds me" then "of winter, of..." This is quite a nostalgic piece and makes me imagine how demanding a thirst like that must be. How exhausting, how it seems to empty you of memories and hope. The imagery in the first stanza is heartwarming, such an innocence in the rain, of the "sky falling down" and it being a wonder you don't get to experience often. I love how you introduce this thirst then speak of a darkness so heavy, it reminds you of a more intimate time with this person, with warmth. These lines are breathtaking: "This darkness reminds me of all those mosaic-like pieces of silence that stick together into a warm whisper". It is like the city is trying to keep their spirit, huddling close to will away the darkness. That ending is painful and seems to echo that despair to the reader who is not even living there. A soulful poem, filled with much more than describing a city without electricity or water, but going deeper into the memories, into what remains, into the struggle for living with this thirst and darkness all around. (10)

There's so much I could speak about with this poem but I think I'm going to focus on a few specific areas, the things that captured my attention the most. You have a way with words that much is evident but for me it's the way you use words to create vivid clips that flash quickly before me eyes that send my senses into overdrive. This is an amazing thing, some people can over write description but you find the perfect amount. What interested me was the way you contrasted your landscape, yellow deserts, winter, rain, orange and suburbs. Yet they all connect. Your poetry causes a reaction from nearly all of my senses and while this a poem about situations that I can't even begin to imagine, the nostalgia is what causes such a strong impact on the reader, at least from my perspective. (7)

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This love of land is killing us by Nor

It was the tone throughout this that caught my interest. While I know the author would have been feeling a sense of sadness while writing, the tone was still serene, as though the poet has become almost speechless over the situations she speaks of. As though she has actually allowed herself to dream while writing. There were many elements of this poem that made it effective, the tone, the empathy and of course the honest reality. I think for me it's the hope at the end that got to me. The fact that people experience situations that I can't even imagine and yet that hope is still present. The sending postcards from every broke, burnt down town was a beautiful way to say that you're keeping these towns memories alive and will continue to (10)

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Death is My Name by: ddavidd

I admire how you weave these metaphors for death, something none of us can fully understand as we may witness it on a constant basis, yet how close is it to us? I think we fail to realize death surrounds us, with its impending nature, yet we must try to conquer it with our own spirit and the promise of life. The consistency of "death is" connects each thought and transitions well to the next stanza. My only suggestion is in the first line, should it be "death is what my hands are searching for"? You also bring out the human instinct to act on survival, doing what we can to play "the game" right so to speak. The images of the "jasmines of your teeth" is captivating and something I have not imagined before, flowers in one's teeth? It gives me the image of all the speech possible and all the smiles a mouth can give, yet they must wither, with age or time. The second to last stanza reminds me of the presence of reality despite the dreams we try to stay in, there comes a realization that our life is short. Will we be remembered? How much of our soul will touch others who stay behind? Well-written and such depth in this write, especially with the concluding lines. Life is a cycle and certainly prompts the question of life after death, that there is more to life than simply dying and fading away into nothing. (7)

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A thousand heads need no sleep by: Armada the Gestalt

This is a very self-reflective piece where I feel you focus on how you have been affected by the weight of the world in different periods of your life. With these lines: "I lift, I shift, I am the one who degrades all that defies me" you seem to highlight how you are in control and only you can overcome the forces that try to bring you down, or take away your will/motives. Your style is unique, especially with the repetition of "Capture in bottles I", which gives me the image of you contemplating the many aspects of life in order to analyze and appease tempers or certain evils of the world. The pattern of "from the rains the sprouting green" to "From wonder; consideration. From broken skin the mark of healing" reminds me of rebirth and I agree that we must see the dark before we can truly recognize the light. Your voice has a clear tone here with the emphasis that suffering must come before healing and relief. The ending lines intrigue me and how I interpret it is that we are all "afflicted" whether physically or spiritually or even mentally. It is the burden we carry but it does not define our character, we do not become that sickness. A very enlightening poem! (4)

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Ivette, Such Rapture, On Me, You Bestow... (Bowlesian Sonnet ) by Robert Gardiner

What a breathtaking Sonnet! A love poem crafted in a difficult and unique sonnet, just beautiful! Very elegant and heartwarming at the same time, just a way a sonnet should be. I really like and admire the uniqueness of this poem as well! (4)

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I didn't know his name by William Mae

The story unraveled here tugs at the heart and draws a tear. First off there are not many good hearts who will go out of their way to help a homeless; it shows that good heart going an extra mile to get to know this person, to understand the sadness in his face/life. I like the way this story poem unfolded and as I kept reading, it just grew more and more sad. Also makes me wonder how many soldiers out there are giving their all to keep our country safe yet we in return do not give,appreciate or love. A heart touching write. (7)

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Key to happiness by Alka mendiratta

I saw the title and wanted to read more. The opening lines: Expand like a sea Accept all you see, I like the expression the author used Telling the reader to travel far and wide with one's heart like the sea and be acceptable. The sea though rough at times accepts all kinds of creatures as well as humans. Whatever rubbish is dumped that too is accepted. Like so an open heart should be like a sea. Another one that I liked is this: Like a fruit laden tree Give all for free. There is happiness always in giving and as you keep giving the heart too becomes happy and loving. Again, I like the choice of words used by the author. Overall, this poem shows the positive needed to achieve happiness for happiness is not based on materials alone. Enjoyed reading this write. (4)

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Blemished Heart by Hannah Lizette

What a gripping read this was! The opening verse started off with a field of dandelions flying around and one could feel the peacefulness as well as see. But; the ending of that verse simply and effectively introduces sadness: silence that reveals weeping sunset ^^I also like the expression given here for a setting sunset..touching! The second verse unfolds with more sadness to come as well as two people who are in that field; and the writer leaves the reader wondering about those three words...The ending is a heart breaker. It draws an image of a woman who has fallen in life and experienced the same disappointment as well as pin time and time again making her strong yet creating a deeper scar...a touching write. (10)

Congrats all.

Congrats :3

Congrats all!

Thanks so much judge for the HM and lovely comment. :)

Congratulations to all.

Congratulations to the winners.
Thanks to the judges & to Mel.

Nor and Yaki, congrats guys! I really loved both of your poems.
Judges, thank you so much for the insightful comments.

Congrats this week's pieces were amazing! Well deserved wins
and hms!

Thank you to the judge who voted for me....although I appreciate the vote I would also have liked to read the comment. Was it submitted?

Actually it was a great poem If it was me I would have chosen yours