I need advice...

Alright so me and my older step-brother have been at each other's throats longer than I can remember, but because our mom chose to be on "my" side after an argument he quit talking to our mom (2 years ago), which broke her heart. I sent him an email today -if you want to know I'll gladly post it here or sent it via message- and I don't what to do now. I have hated his guts for years; my mind and emotions are basically everywhere from: proud of myself for having the guts to email him, to terror and will not see how much it cost me to email him in the first place...so any advice?

If it is easy to send I would not mind having the email in my PM inbox

Done.

Without knowing the full situation from all sides, it's really hard to give much advice..

but one thing I will suggest is to try and forgive. I know it's hard - TRUST ME, I know. But the only thing that's happening now is you are holding onto hurt/anger/bitterness and that does nothing but fester inside of you. Not forgiving someone allows them to live rent-free inside your head, and 1. it's not healthy, 2. I don't like giving someone that kind of power over me.

I grew up believing you forgive someone when they deserve or earn your forgiveness, and that was wrong thinking. My faith has taught me to forgive others to release yourself from that burden that bitterness puts on your shoulders. It frees you, and them. It doesn't mean what the other person did is okay or that you condone any of their actions or behavior. This is strictly for your own self. You forgive to let go and move forward. Whether you choose to maintain a relationship from there is up to you, and it can and will change as time goes forward.

Thank you Britt I agree it's not healthy holding on grudges but I can't help it, I know I should and I probably will eventually but I'm taking the first steps to mending our family, but I don't know if it's worth it or not.

I think Britney's advice is excellent! You already are prepared to forgive him, or you never would have sent him an email.

Only thing that I might add is that breaking off a relationship with a family member is so serious that you have to ask yourself what lies behind it. If you are angry over what he has done, forgiveness is in order. If however, you have taken the step because you feel that it is necessary to protect you from what you might expect in the future, then that is a different story.
In the first situation, it is often our pride that keeps us from moving past it. However, in the second situation you should test the water, to find out if things have changed. People can and do change. Additionally, it is sometimes our own perception rather than reality where the appearance of danger lies.

Don't know you or your family or both sides of the story nor the truth of the matter. Family is everything, forgive him, doesn't say you have to forget, forgiving is essential. Do not let it eat away at you. Or you will become like my sister who has said numerous times since 2006 that as far as she is concerned I am dead and don't contact her again. This is the response that I have received on 3 or 4 different occasions when I reached out to mend the fences and become family again. Since the 4 time, I have not tried again and have moved on. Yes it hurts me but that is her choice. I have forgiven her for her behavior. If the day comes when she does reach out to me, I will accept her as fast as I can and tell her that I forgive you. FORGIVE him, get the family back as a unit. You will make your mother happy I am sure and in the long run you will be happier and chances are your brother will too.

Sylvia, I'm deeply sorry for your past experiece with your sister, I really am since I was that way too with my brother, but I don't hate him now, I've lived far away from him for 2 years and in those two years I've healed from the past (most of it).

We talked a bit and it scared the living life out of me since he knew somethings that were of my past and he still underestimates me, but he has a family now I think that changed him, for the better I deeply hope. I'll continue living my life, and so will he.

Thank you all for the kind advice! I really needed it.

I might be feeling another poem coming on . I was just thinking of holidays passed and of how much stronger the Welcome mat in my own family was years ago . In the families that branched from older families there are separating factors that go beyond natural departures . It would be great if unconditional love was more common and love was clearly defined , but I know that many a parent/ offspring sister and brothers made no effort to cross imagined boundaries in the greater brotherhood of mankind just this last Christmas .

Once you do that poem please send me the link I will gladly read it and comment on it! :) I'm all about family.

You seem to change your avatar and you sign in name like every couple of days so...why can't you change your approach to family issues in the same way? Just curious???

Because I always change it back to what I'm familar inside, Hellon, and the pictures seem to reflect the growth or the people/things I care about, in this instance my emotional daughter and her fiancee; I care for them like a motther does, exactly down to the letter, I worry about so many things, and all I can do is just pray that she's alright.

My family approach is getting there, he messaged me back a day or so ago a few hours later, and said his point of view, he still makes me nervous always did since I was young, but I haven't slapped the door shut to him. I am trying to fix the problems of the past, but to do so, I have to trust in him once again and that's hard to do. Not only does my pride stand as a barrier, so does my trust, for I don't easily trust nor is it easy to gain it back after you have destroyed it. That being said Hellon I'm trying my best, and even my mom would be impressed that I took that leap of faith, not knowing what the outcome would have been. There has been bad blood between me and my step-brother, but I'm willing to fix that because it's unfair to let the past overrule me, and my decisions so, I'm going to and will change my heart and mind to something positive here. (This was actually my New Year's Resolution. To try to mend the burned bridges between me and my step-brother.)

Anything else you want to ask?

Yeah...what does an 'emotional daughter' mean exactly??

and...just thinking...if you share a mom like you say then he would be your half brother, not your step brother.

Step-brother Hellon we don't share the same blood genes not at all. I'm from a different marriage and I guess that's why we were at each other's throats so often.

Emotional daughter means that I adopted her into my heart, as I have done since I became a teenager, for I have a kind heart and most people often ask me if I have kids because I act like a mom. She's more than a friend, I view her as family, there are more people in the world who do this every day, but some call it "He's like my brother, in my heart he might as well be" or "She's like my sister". That's all I meant Hellon. Any other questions?

This is the poem inspired by your topic
La Renia De Corazones

http://www.friendship-poems.com/poems.php?id=1240213

Welcome Mat

Read the poem and it was amazing so thank you for making the poem! :)

But because our mom chose to be on "my" side after an argument

^^^

This from your first post. You state 'our mum' so, if this is correct then you will share some genes.

I'm confused?

She raised me since 4 weeks old Hellon in my heart of hearts she's my mom.

Well...I hope you can see why I got confused? You never said step-mum/ adoptive mum and, although you see her as your mum biologically she isn't. Then talking about an emotional daughter when the girl in your avatar looks around the same age as you...in fact she looks very similar and is a friend...not a daughter. Well...yes I was confused. I still am slightly.

Hellon she's not my step-mom. How many times do I have to say that? My mom and my dad have been together since I was a child, and my biological mother is dead and was NEVER there to once raise me for a day, so pardon me for believing that the woman who raised me since I was a baby is my mother. In the way I was raised, it's the one who raises you not the one who birthed you that is your mother.

She might be your friend she's Allie, and I've know her longer than a year, both her and me can vouch for it. When you let someone become family inside your heart that's all that matters Hellon it doesn't matter how it came to be, just accept it please. Not everything in the world, do the majority of humanity understands but the Earth will still revolve around the world either way.

Banging my head off the wall right now!

Are you a fruitcake?

whoops wrong thread.lol

Mike...you're hilarious...seriously I just needed to laugh...beats banging my head of this wall for sure!!!

I am still laughing

I found something interesting when I was trying to make a connection of a Craig on my chart to Elijah Craig who is given credit for one ingredient of Bourbon fruitcake
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toliver_Craig,_Sr.

Sources disagree about the circumstances of Taliaferro Craig's birth. According to traditional accounts and his own descendants, Taliaferro was the illegitimate son of Ricardo Tagliaferro, an Italian sea captain, and Jane Craig, a young Scottish woman who traveled with him to the Virginia colony. She was pregnant and Tagliaferro never married her. Craig gave birth to a son she named Taliaferro Craig in 1704. His name was later anglicized to Toliver or Tolliver. Jane Craig never married.

Ricardo Tagliaferro was said to have settled in Virginia, where he later married and had a family. He was said to have a brother there, Robert Tagliaferro (or Taliaferro). The Taliaferro families became distinguished in Virginia.

Mike...were you Uncle Albert...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOMqqI-kzHY

Hellon, I am sorry for making you harm yourself (even though I'm sure it's a virtual you doing that but still)