Weekly Contest Winners - 6/29/15

Good Monday to you all! Samia takes the front page this week with a lovely dedication to her husband, then Andrea knocks us out with two poems, straight from the heart. Congrats to those 2 and all the HM's as well! A lot of good poetry highlighted. Want to also thank the judges one last time for their dedication and diligence this last week of their term :)

WINNERS:

"Of Every Season (Contest)" by: GB 10 + 7 = 17 points
"Juice Boxes and Fire Water" by: Maple Tree 10 + 4 = 14 points
"Death of a Poet (Senryu String) by: Maple Tree 10 + 4 = 14 points

____________________________________________

COMMENTS:

"Of Every Season (Contest)" by: GB

"Oh this poem melts my heart. Beautifully written, very elegant and heart stopping.
I love and admire GB's writing. Very creative and unique wording with a style or elegance.
This poem is just wonderful!!" (10)

- - - - -

"Love the phrasing of "womb of bravery". I'm not sure about the word "crush", maybe "crash" would go along better since you are speaking of the wave?

"I saw colors run away
from fallen, crying leaves,
like a mother abandoned her child,
pallor of Sun
once was brighter,
in streets smothered with smoke,
and he's still singing."
- The idea of colors running away invokes emotion and such imagery too, like personifying colors and change. I think the next few lines could be re-worked or re-phrased to flow more smoothly. Just my opinion though. Such as

"I saw colors run away
from fallen, crying leaves
like a child abandoned by her mother;
the pallor of Sun
once was brighter
in streets smothered with smoke...
and he's still singing."

The warmth he brings and the way spring envies him, him being the essence of love and peace, is so calming and genuine.
A suggestion: Don't think the colon is needed in the first stanza, "he used:"? A beautiful, heart-warming dedication to your husband." (7)

____________________________________

"Juice Boxes and Fire Water" by: Maple Tree

"Your voice here is so unique, powerful, and straight from the heart. It is clear and frightening and touching all at the same time. I like how you worded "fire water" and the mention of the trees which are so dear to you. The line that stands out the most for me however, is "I rise within nature so my daughter can breathe... ". That line alone speaks of hope and the hope and positivity you look for in every situation, so you can see it too. The title and personal connection with the juice boxes bring this poem that depth and emotion I can't even begin to analyze. That innocence is all you want for your daughter. Not this addiction. Not this fear of what's to come. Like you mentioned in your comment, the fact you wrote this and spoke publicly, without metaphors, is incredible. I hope she finds the strength as well as others going through this.
Minor suggestions: In the fourth stanza, "vodka and cocaine has destroyed" - "has" should be "have". I also feel you have a bit too much punctuation then needed, but of course, it is up to you completely how you wish to format. I don't think you need the comma in the fourth stanza after "from the nest" or the "..." after "mixed with pills" in the fifth stanza. I also think a semi-colon would fit more than a comma after "destroyed my bird".

A personal, emotional poem that makes my heart ache for you. The passion and love you have for your daughter is so clear here, in every line the pain visible. You only want healing for her, peace, a future, life, love -everything. I hope the best for your daughter. My thoughts are with you and her." (10)

- - - - -

"This piece made me feel emotional, it's beautifully written but you cannot help feel sad while admiring Andrea's love for her child. The third-last stanza struck me hard and left me speechless." (4)

_________________________________________

"Death of a Poet (Senryu String) by: Maple Tree

"This is absolutely phenomenal - every stanza itself can hold it is own as a separate poem by itself, but together they create an absolutely vivid picture with a beautiful story behind it. I think every author can relate to this piece- whether they use writing as a form of coping or to create art or something in between. Andrea captured this scene with great detail in so little words." (10)

- - - - -

"Adorable format that was very carefully written, in few lines she picked the right words to come up with beautiful, vivid imagery. A real gem." (4)

_____________________________________________

HM'S:

"Religion of Love" by: Rings of Poetry AKA Naughtymouse 7 + 4 = 11 points
"The sadness in your eyes" by: Darren = 10 points
"Seeing As You Do" by: Trampled Angel = 10 points
"Join The World And Be Free" by: Ben Pickard = 7 points
"Miscarriage of insomnia" by: Shanky Abissah = 7 points
"Rose flower heart" by: Shanky Abissah = 7 points
"Abandoned Station" by: Effusive = 4 points
"Snowflake" by: Beautiful Soul = 4 points

_______________________________________________

COMMENTS:

"Religion of Love" by: Rings of Poetry AKA Naughtymouse

"This poem speaks such high volumes that I cant express how much I love this poem. Such a heart warming and inspirational poem by Ben this week!" (7)

-

"I loved everything about this poem." (4)

- - - - - -

"The sadness in your eyes" by: Darren

"The poem charmed me from start to finish, I think the writer really captured the essence of grief and sympathy in this well written piece. The smart comparison at the begging of the poem, the similes, the imagery which started by describing the main character, then shifted to the husband, making the reader pretty interested to ponder upon every detail. I admire employing the repetition beautifully, that title deepened the emotions through out the piece. Very interesting." (10)

- - - - - - -

"Seeing As You Do" by: Trampled Angel

"This poem had to have been written from the perspective of trying to imagine how someone else sees the author not only do I love the theme I like the poetic tools used to deliver this free flowing poem." (10)

- - - - - - -

"Join The World And Be Free" by: Ben Pickard

"This poem delivered well a profound message to the shy." (7)

- - - - - - -

"Miscarriage of insomnia" by: Shanky Abissah

"I like the creativity of this piece - a subtle love-esque poem about sleep written on such a personal level, you cannot help but feel the depth of the passion embedded in this piece. I'm sure everyone can relate to this on some level. Well done!" (7)

- - - - - - -

"Rose flower heart" by: Shanky Abissah

"Unique layout and excellent word choice, the celestial atmosphere created and the balanced tone in this piece made it very different, picturesque and quite memorable." (7)

- - - - - - -

"Abandoned Station" by: Effusive

"There's a starkness in this that I feel works for the poem. And I mean that in a good way. Stating that the rains, trains, passengers, and station is gone. The way you simply state it in almost a nonchalant way. Like you are numb to what has happened. I like the depth of the "paints" and to me that relates to the bits and pieces each person leaves behind, their imprint, their impact on the world, their color that made their personality stand out. "Onslaught" is an interesting word to use. It's fierce, destructive. Interesting as well of that image of the "waiting eyes" and connecting that to the "railways of time". It's almost a forbidding piece, like we are lost at a station we cannot name, a time we cannot go back to perhaps. Great format and brevity." (4)

- - - - - - -

"Snowflake" by: Beautiful Soul

"Nature poem of elegance, this week by James.

Lovely and enchanting piece, with a hint of hidden romance. I am in love with snowflakes after reading this poem. lovely!!"(4)

Thankyou judge for the correction ideas.... That poem was hard to write and post.... I'll go back and fix that... Congratulations to GB and all hms... I'm speechless today.

Thank you judges for the awesome comments...

Well done GB and Syrup!!!! you poems are amazing and Congrats to all the HMs too, really great pieces this week :)))

Thank you judges for my own HM and the folks that voted for it, really it was nice to be nominated :)

Congrats Maple & GB!!!! Awesome Andrea for snagging 2! :)

Thanks MA & judges for your hard work!

Congrats, lovely week of work as always.

Thanks for the HM, congrats winners.

Thank you very much, congratulations "Maple Tree" and all other HMs.

Thank you MaryAnne for nominating my poetry.

Congrats Winners and HM!

Congratulations, Samia & Andrea and to the HMs.
Thanks for hosting, MA.

Judges, thank you for your service!
Your terms are done & well done at that. We'll be starting our new panel this weekend.

You are free to out yourselves or not, including posting your judge comments on the poems.
Again, thanks!

Many thanks for my HM and the time taken to read/comment. Some lovely pieces again this week.

Thanks judges and MA for posting, congrats all and thanks for the hm

I've been a judge for about a year and a half I believe.. I have a ton of comments posted and a ton more to post...

It has and always will be my pleasure to help this site out any way I can... I love this site and the people within this site..

what I like most about this site is the Poetry....

I have been blown away by pure beauty of words, and I am honored to be mixed within such talent, all of you amaze me.

Beautiful poetry everyone :-)

I much appreciate you for taking time to read and give comments on my poems. Thanks to the winners and congratulations.

Congrats all! :)