Weekly Contest Winners - 9/07/15

Hello everyone! Happy Labor Day to all in the U.S.... we're off to a great start here. Saerelune captures us with her poem "Tangerine Dreams" while Mark's "One Black July Day" and "60 Words of Summer" steal the spotlight. Congrats to all winners and HM's, and thank you so much judges for your hard work and dependability. Have a great week :)

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WINNERS:

"Tangerine Dreams" by: Saerelune 10 + 10 + 7 = 27 points

"One Black July Day" by: Senyru 10 + 10 = 20 points

"60 Words of Summer" by: Senyru 7 + 4 = 11 points

COMMENTS:

"Tangerine Dreams" by: Saerelune

"I just want to rant and rave about this poem! It was ridiculously epic and so worthy of the front page win. I typically love poetry about poetry, I love watching what poets do to the topic and how they make poetry come alive in metaphors as of its a person or a place we visit, but what you've done here is deeper than anything I've ever read regarding poetry. I absolutely love the touch of Australian theme here, the kangaroo descriptions, yet still tying in your main point and keeping the topic related to writing. .....my favorite metaphor here was being folded like an uninteresting flyer. That was so unique!!! So perfect actually.
This is one of my latest favorites.
Well done!" (10).

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"This is breathtaking, from start to finish. I see the dream of a young poet, visiting Australia again with a heavy, misplaced heart.

Certain lines stood out for me such as "The first time I came to Australia/ I could've fit in a kangaroo's pouch". This shows the innocence, the youth, and the wonder of it all. But coming back with wiser, more mature depth almost holds that hurt that you have known.

The soul in this piece is incredible. I feel a story unfold. I feel colors and dreams and despair as you write that your poetry is dying. This heartbreak consumes you.

This poem grabbed my heart and what I loved is that you kept your voice alive here. You spoke the truth, the wishes, the doubts, the look of distaste of strangers, of not being understood, of not wanting to care anymore about this person and the past with them." (10)

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"This must be one of the best poems written recently. The word choice is like magic. Fascinating and lyrical.

Your opening lines start off with some simplicity, however as you go on, your rise on metaphors take control in a very pleasing and impressing way.

Too much creativity in this piece.
Well done!!" (7)

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"One Black July Day" by: Senyru

"This well written timeless poem needs to be read by everyone whether we take our security and living conditions for granted. I pray that and event does not repeat soon like the one that inspired the author to post this . The sentiments reflected in the final stanzas is something I have debating in my mind and with others who are apathetic about an ethnicity because of the hijacking of a religion." (10)

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"This was very touching. Seeing the picture of your theme, just broke my heart. And the way you expressed your purpose here just touched me deeply.

The use of language and the images you created to reflect either in aim of the tragedy or of reflecting how you felt about it; in both cases, you did it beautifully."
(10)

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"60 Words of Summer" by: Senyru

"This is such a gem. The metaphors aren't overbearing or overly descriptive, they fit perfectly and I can feel the atmosphere you created. To have someone be that "kiss of cold rain" would be extraordinary. Especially when we have all experienced the humidity, the sun showing no mercy on it.

My only suggestion is maybe not repeat "every" in the second stanza? Since it's already in your poem three times.

But my favorite lines by far are the last three. The passion is so alive and there's not much more I can say." (7)

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"Oh my, I love this short piece. I love the metaphors, I love the visual, I love that your stanzas make us think is this a good or bad thing? And that last line just proved it was good and this person accepted who they were. I wish I had more words to comment on this other than I loved it." (4)

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HM'S:

"Heaven & Hell" by: Skyfire = 10 points

"He Found a Home in my Veins" by: Adreamer = 7 points

"Open This When I Am Gone" by: Ben Pickard = 7 points

"What if the storm ends" by: Karla = 7 points

"A Dream" by: The Kudo Queen = 4 points

"Crash" by: Skyfire = 4 points

"Immensity" by: Alexis = 4 points

"Questions Unanswered" by: Hellon = 4 points

COMMENTS:

"Heaven & Hell" by: Skyfire

"This is beautiful. I found this to be a wonderful poem full of contradicting feelings- the heat she feels is mixed with darkness (blackened lines). This makes me think its something she yearns for despite knowing that she probably shouldn't and that it's wrong.

I particularly enjoyed the use of her demons burning along with her soul and his lips. So often we place our demons within our soul and state that's where they came from so to see them placed separately was new and refreshing. Mentioning his lips here adds again to the fact that what he is giving is no good.

"and he consumed her as if she had starved him," I love this. It's a beautiful follow on from the above and again enforces the fact that this person is no good, that he is slowly devouring her inside and out, which is nicely wrapped up with the closing lines.

I found this piece to be very alluring and wonderfully written." (10)

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"He Found a Home in my Veins" by: Adreamer

"I think your ghost came to visit me while I was sleeping last night." I keep re reading this line over and it hits me just as hard every single time. How often do we feel, wish or think someone we loved and lost visits us in our dreams? I find this line to be incredibly bittersweet and moving.

The next two verses are filled with just as much emotion and really emphasizes how someone may be gone, but they never truly left us, not really. Memories remain and scents linger even long after they should have gone.

I thought the repeated verse worked extremely well here, it again hits the readers heart and I think the repetitiveness worked beautifully and drove the authors feelings home.

"So if you have some time today you should stop by and pick him up, it'd be nice to see you again." This is what brought tears to my eyes- the hope and longing of wishing to see a loved one again, the yearning so much for it even though you know it will never happen.

Such a beautiful poem." (7)

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"Open This When I Am Gone" by: Ben Pickard

"I think we have just come to expect perfect rhyme in I flawless flow but this time he seems to captured to essence of poetic immortality (at least for me)." (7)

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"What if the storm ends" by: Karla

"Karla, I love how you penned so detailed the emotions of what hearing a song does. Music does so much to a person, some good and some bad emotions. When it's not good, boy it's reallllyyy not good. We can feel so much pain, so many memories we revisit and I seriously don't think anyone could have penned a moment like this more perfectly than what you have." (7)

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"A Dream" by: The Kudo Queen

"This romantic dream poem caught my attention with imagery and flawless flow." (4)

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"Crash" by: Skyfire

"This scene screams out to me. You have the perfect amount of verbs and clarity in your voice, almost like you are facing death not with compliance but with acceptance. I also like how you veil this poem in almost a mystique way. I'm still pondering over the line: "Willingly, I screamed away my mortality". It's like you are entering death, and your first reaction is to use your voice to stop it, yet "mortality" is not as frightening, not a tragedy perhaps as you thought?
Well-written brevity." (4)

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"Immensity" by: Alexis

"Very authentic and raw. Both the opening stanza and the closing one had the same impact on me. I thought they were written beautifully.

The questions raised seem like exclamatory ones, not really questions seeking an answer, rather than one's wondering and thoughts that seek to become reality..without the B option answer.

I love this piece. Simply do." (4)

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"Questions Unanswered" by: Hellon

"This poem stood out to me as I believe it's something we've all asked ourselves at one time or another. Hellon phrases them in such an artistic way and a way that really makes you think about the answers.

"when laughter no longer wants to live in your eyes?" I found this a unique way of subtly stating that you're weary and tired of what life is throwing at you. Instead of the common image of someone's eyes full of tears I instead picture someone tired of life, their eyes distant, downcast and full of pain that can't be released.

"When the selfish sun will only lend you its shadow?" I found the 'selfish' added so much to this line. So often we hear of depression, that the sun can't be found for someone but rarely is the sun put to blame for its selfishness in not being able to reach us.

I am fond of the closing line, that it ends with another what do you do, instead of another specific question following it. It allows the readers mind to wander in so many different directions as well as try to answer the questions already asked." (4)

Congrats all!

Congratulations everyone and many thanks for the hm. All the best,
Ben

Hooo yes! Amazing poems, well done for both of you. You're rocking it out Mark.

Great poems HMS, and wonderful comments.

Thanks for posting!

Congratulations, Winners and HM's (:

Cheers!

Congratulations winners and HM's

Ohm my God.. I still can't believe I got a hm for this poem... I mean ... Omg... lol...I still can't believe it... I want expecting this AT ALL..
Haha.. So thank you

Thank you judge for the comment on my piece, and congrats to all other hms this week, alongside our wonderful two winners.

Congrats to all the winders and HMs. Thanks to the judge for your in depth comment...very much appreciated. Although this poem could be taken on a personal level it was actually about how I imagine the Syrian refugees might feel...absolutely downtrodden without a doubt.

Congrats, especially for a double, Mark. Good work, it was a hard week to narrow it down to three poems.
Thanks, MA, for posting.

Congrats Winners and HM's :)

Thank you judges and thanks for posting MA.

Thank you judge. "what if the storm ends" (by Snow Patrol) touches the heart of my heart.