Weekly Winners: 28/09/2015

Hey PnQers! Thanks for your patience today, I was up and out by 7am Aussie time and have just been able to make my way home now.

We had two clear winners this week, congratulations to Hellon & Koan. The site broke a tie between 'The Wind And The Rain' by Ben Pickard and 'Their first Dance' by GB. I think a congratulations to both poets is needed as both poems are definitely worthy of the front page!

Thanks to our judges this week, your effort is appreciated.

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WINNERS:
Undone by Koan: 10 + 10 = 20
For d by Hellon: 10 + 4 = 14

The Wind And The Rain by Ben Pickard: 10
Their first Dance (Shadorma) by GB: 10

HM's
Reincarnation of Flowers by Effusive: 7
When the one you love says it by Yakari Gabriel: 7
Gentle Breeze, Tell Me Yours Sorrows By Ben Pickard: 7
The miserable Painter (Septolet) by GB: 7
Breaking an entry by Chelsey: 7
Sleep, what's that? by KEN: 4
Untitled: Line messaging Form by Everlasting: 4
Lead Me Through Oblivion by Koan: 4
Bell Shape Blemish by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather: 4

COMMENTS:

Undone by Koan

I think this poem had me long before the see through dress (which is in far better taste than my critique) I will say that the poem is constructed beautifully no matter whose soul was bared (10).

The melancholy tone in this write just pulls the reader along with the writer making her feel what the writer feels. The choice of words used brings out the emotions and images alive and it captures the reader's heart. Its so beautifully intense but passionately sad and the layout of the poem gives a lasting impact like it reaches out to the reader. It also gave me
the image of the ocean/sea who can't touch his love but can only look and yearn from afar. I adore this...beautifully sad.
(10)

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For d by Hellon

Questions posed by children may sometimes provoke discomfort because they touch on difficult subjects to discuss with one so small. Death is likely the second most disquieting subject in these cases. This mother has a gentle response that both responds directly to the query and yet refocuses the child to the future in a most life-affirming way. Hellon's analogy of butterfly to the child is most apt and her dialogue style presentation is powerful while appearing to be understated. (10)

I thought this well written poem was going to be about a car and I still have not figured the mysterious title . I can't resist sharing the story of the friendly butterfly that greeted us all at the grave of my Aunt which I had not visited since September of 2002. I am sure if this poem was committed to memory all would eventually experience its deep meaning (4)

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Their first Dance (Shadorma) by GB

This is beautiful. Despite the form being a relatively short one, Samia manages to pack in such overwhelming emotion, depth and beauty into this poem. The scene of a couples first dance after promising each other forever really stands out here and is filled with such romance and care.

I adore the second sestet, it captures the new beginning of these lovers so elegantly and the tone of the overall poem is inspiring and hopeful, really captivating the feelings of the beginning of such a new and incredible journey.

The way it was phrased also leaves an open mystery of what the future has planned, which I always enjoy more than wrapping up with something specific happening.

Beautiful. (10)

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Gentle Breeze, Tell Me Yours Sorrows By Ben Pickard

The gentile breeze that sent cold chills up my spine where not so unpleasant , perhaps the beautiful construction of the poem distracted me with nostalgic archaic words I imaged to be timeless as if written on stone (7)

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When the one you love says it by Yakari Gabriel

What a touching write this is. At first I thought it was a love poem
but then understood the love of a mother for her daughter. Each
stanza is well crafted with images one can see and understand. I
especially liked the third and the ending stanza and it just shows the simple words of a mother can make a child go further then she could realize. Love this write and the images...lovely piece of write! (7)

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Sleep, what's that by KEN

A reality filled poem. Now how many
of us toss and turn just to find sleep
and when we do hope that it gives us
a good six hour sleep without going
to the toilet! This one was penned with
a light hearted tone mixed with funny episodes and facts of life. Enjoyed the read! (4)

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Reincarnation of Flowers by Effusive

To all lovers existence is an absolute. There cannot be anyone who ever enjoyed greater validation than "us" at "this" moment. Like a character in a Hemingway novel, Effusive paints his speaker in this mode, fully alive, fully PRESENT to appreciate the beauty and the love enveloping him. His consistent use of the flower motif is augmented by the subliminal similarity of "inculcate" to "cultivated" as by nurserymen.
A slight mar: either "yesterdays" should be singular or the line should read "are only inculcated yesterdays." (7)

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Untitled: Line messaging Form by Everlasting

The difficulty in line message poems is that the poet either gives away the message by incorporating it into the poem too obviously or else produces a highly stilted end product in which the message does not really fit the context. Luce not only has managed to avoid both these pitfalls, she has produced a folksy, intimate poem. She both lauds her mother and embeds a message acted out in the poem and revealed by the protagonists themselves. One issue I have is the inconsistency of number. It should be "hearts" throughout: "their hearts," "hearts were," "they grew." (4)

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Bell Shape Blemish by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather

I really love this little poem! The message behind it is beautiful and something many more people need to realize and accept, and the way Larry wrote it really made me think.

It's almost as if the poem itself is a metaphor for society- the people two or three standard deviations from us are placed at the top and bottom, almost like saying they're the standard and not the majority, emphasized with such few words on each line while the standard in the middle of the poem has more.

The emphasis on deviations is well placed and fits perfectly where it is.

I thought that placing 'no one' and 'you/I' at the bottom and top it was like saying that we are the standard, whilst the poems shape is saying we're similar. We're in that place because we're not a part of the majority, but the overall message is that we're all the same. (4)

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Breaking an entry by Chelsey

Love, love love the opening two lines here. When we get hurt we often tell ourselves we deserve better, that the one who hurt us doesn't deserve our tears, or in this case our words. Very relate-able.

What I always love about Chelsey's work is that she includes similes and metaphors, ones that are rarely if ever used and makes them her own every time. It's always something fresh, new and something beautifully created.

The last two lines were heartbreaking and I found it to tie in perfectly with the opening two- you're allowing yourself to think about things, wonder what would or could have been and what the future will bring, but only for a short time because they're not worthy of anything more.

I've watched Chelsey grow over time with her writing and with every new poem she only gets better. (7)

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Lead Me Through Oblivion
by Koan

Lead me through..what an amazing title. To ask to be led though oblivion. That's a very classy way of expressing one's self.

It's a collection of paintings and images from title to the last punctuation mark.

I felt every word, it is one inspirational poem. Gets you to think for a moment and redo your maths on life.

Very touching. Well written. (4)

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The miserable Painter (Septolet)
by GB

I love the title. It tells so much and holds so many question marks. You instantly start imagining things and ponder on thoughts.

The poem wraps intense feelings and really leaves that kind of impact on the reader.

I loved how he is learning the art of...although is already an artist. Just another proof of the limitless and bottomless world of emotions we live in.

This piece is priceless. (7)

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The Wind And The Rain
by Ben Pickard

What a fabulous nature poem. I love nature poems that rhyme. This one flowed so well it almost felt like a river pattern.

I loved the word choice and the visual art enabled by this wording. I appreciated the poetic emotional emphasis.

This is one special nature poem, that should be highlighted this week. (10)

It's an honor to share with those great poets the front page, congratulations Hellon, Koan and much admiration to Ben's' poetry.

Thank you judges for your insightful comments, thank you "Britt"and "Senyru" for nominating my poetry and lastly thank you Mel for posting.

Many thanks judges for the hm and the almost win!lol God damn the site tie-breaker!
No, in all seriousness, GB fully deserves the front page - one of three wonderful poems.
All the best everyone,
Ben

Congrats Winners and HM's alike, awesome awesome poetry this week we are so lucky to have so much talent amongst the ranks!!!

PnQ rocks \m/

Thank you and congrats winners and Hms

Congrats everyone, great week!

Congrats Winners and HM's! :)

Congrats all! :)

Well done all for the hard work that goes into these weekly contests.

Congratulations to Hellon, Koan & GB. Great work, too, Ben.

Thanks judges & Mel and especially thanks to the judge for the comment!

Thank you guys for all your words, it means so much to me but I like to aseptically thank Michael and Ben for their support! Thx guys!!!
My English is not perfect and this might sounds cheese but I write from my soul and heart and I need people to read my work and comment on it or why write at all??

Thanks again and congrats for all of you for being the part of poetry,, ~smiles~