Thoughts and prayers please (Cindy)

Hellon, she was hospitalized a couple of weeks ago after being found unresponsive. As most know she has struggled with several illnesses as a result of a scratch on her leg from a laundry basket 18 years ago. It caused her to get lymphedema. It was difficult for Cindy's mobility because it often swelled her legs and caused her to retain fluid, which then caused breathing problems etc. She was released from the hospital on the evening of the 16th. She talked to me on the morning of 17th, she was confused a little but was adamant that she was upset that they had intubated her, which is against her wishes. She again was unresponsive later that evening and they took her back to hospital. She has a really severe infection that is causing her organs to shut down. Now her wishes are being met, she is not intubated and the natural course of things are happening. I pray she is at peace and comfortable. I know Cindy has been in the hospital many times over the course of years, but it has never been this serious. I hope this answers your question, though I may not have parts of it correct, it is a very dire situation.

I have a very heavy heart right now. I pray she continues to be at peace at this time.

In case some of you can't see it, this is her sister Debbies post on the gofundme site.

"I'm amazed by the amount of love surrounding Cindy during this time. Long time friends, long lost friends, and family have enveloped her as she makes the transition to join her love John in heaven. The old Eastside gang has been phenomenal! Cindy's love touched not just us her immediate family, but people in other parts of the world . Through her beautiful poetry and indomitable spirit a part of Cindy will live on in the hearts of her sisters, brothers, grandchildren, numerous nieces, nephews, lifelong friends and her Poems and Quotes family. Her beautiful spirit will soon be free!"

Cindy - I am thinking of you constantly as you make your way to an altogether better place.

:(

I keep checking my phone, p n q, face book and reading comments on other posts, and through it all I can't help but think how tough this woman is, but we all know that. I have struggled trying to write something worthy of her and I just can't. I have gotten barely any sleep over the last week worried of what the inevitable is. Praying for the family and friends she dearly and unconditionally loves.

It's the message you don't want to hear
yet don't want to miss.

Exactly!

Cindy is still unresponsive resting comfortably at hospice... They say we just don't know when she'll pass. I sat by her bed today and read her some poems, one by her friend Billy Rob (thanks Kay), one by Poetess (Liz) and the new one Goodbye by Ben. being home bound, her poetry and her friendships on this site meant a lot to her...I appreciate you all.... Her special friends Nitin and Kay, she loves you very much. I will keep you updated

Debbylyn, you are in my prayers. <3 Thank you so much for keeping us updated. Please let us know if there is anything we can do. I'm excited to watch that gofundme for Cindy grow!

Thanks to all who prayed for my mother Cindy. Also thanks to all of her many friends over the years. This site was her outlet and social life and I will always appreciate what it was able to do for her

Continued prayers please as time is very short

Debbie - thank you for reading that, it is an honour.
My continued thoughts are with you, Ben, Cindy and your whole family.
Take care

Thoughts and prayers are with you Cindy, Ben and the family...
:(

Any new updates?

She is still resting peacefully. I believe this is day 15 of being non responsive and with no intake of any kind other than her meds (for comfort only) and her oxygen. I really hate to put this out there, as the thought just breaks my heart. It's just a waiting game though. I miss her badly already.

<3

:(

I know I'm going to cop some flack for this but...I'm used to that. Maybe Cindy' s time is not now.maybe she has some other things to do...she has grandchildren I know so maybe her god wants her to stay to smile with them a little more...I know she loved them so...anyway..I just think some have already put her in a coffin (her own family included) but...I hope she will somehow, recover....

^that's exactly what I too was thinking. She's still breathing. She might recover even. Hope she does.

Okay, here we go again but with an understanding that no "flack" comes from me, just an explanation of what is my thinking behind the situation and (I would imagine) others, although that is for them to answer. Also, that I am not making this about me but I am aware of how my poem "Goodbye" and a few of my posts can be taken so I felt I wanted to reply. SO, in the best possible spirit........

As far as I am concerned, I can only go by what others have told me and as far as they are concerned (namely family and close friends) they can only go by what the doctors tell them.
I would imagine it is certainly never a case of giving up on anyone or "putting her in a coffin"; rather, a case of facing up to what the experts say is reality.
When you are told by said experts that organs are closing down and it is a matter of time, then it becomes a case of facing up to reality and looking at the positives as far as Cindy is concerned. She misses her husband terribly and has suffered a lot down the years - I knew enough of her to know that she wasn't scared of whatever came next.
Never give up, agreed, and pray always for a miracle but equally, be prepared and honest with others (as the family has done) about what the experts say will come next. Again, this is more for the family to answer, but from my understanding, it really would be a miracle at this stage. But I do agree with the sentiment that hope should never be entirely lost.
All the best,
Ben

I made a very 'sad' journey from Australia to Scotland around 10 years ago on the advice of hospital staff who told me my father's vital organs were closing and it was only a matter of time...by telephone they told me.." there's not much time left, if it were my dad I'd be on the next flight" so I was. Thankfully, he pulled through and lasted another 5 years ...just an experience I thought was worth sharing....never give up hope.

Nobody is giving up in fact I refuse to believe and was not happy to hear that arrangements were made for her final journey. As Ben said we are going with what the doctors and family members are saying. Each of her organs are failing, she is resting peacefully with just the meds. Cindy has been suffering for a long time and misses her husband terribly and whatever God has planned for her is what will happen.

I am bracing myself for whatever comes and at the same time believe in hope and miracle.

Hellon I was in the same situation I made the trip from India to Australia because I was told my mother was not going to make it but before I could get there my brothers decided to take her off, off everything. She passed away just as my flight touched down and I could not even say goodbye to her...

Sounds like your father had some stubborn organs, Hellon.
I suppose there is a balance between facing what we are told is reality and not giving up hope and finding it can be difficult at times like this.

EDIT:
I have thought my comment over and decided to remove it except for this. I continue to pray for Cindy and her family.

Hellon, I understand the questions. Sometimes there are no "good" ways to ask questions especially when someone is in the kind of situation Cindy is. Our curiosity is overwhelming and the need to know is powerful. I don't think anyone has already "put her in the coffin", they (the family) know the situation way better than us. I know she has several nurses, paramedics and cna's in her family, so they are quite aware of the situation and the process of dying. The body is quite a unique thing, as you can attest to your father's recovery.

My mother who was dying of cancer 2years ago had a long "transition stage" during hospice care. They at first gave her a couple of days to live, and as each day came and went we had hope. We prayed for a better outcome and that she would be healed. The power of prayer and our belief that God is the mighty physician and each day was a sign of hope and recovery. After 5 days of being unresponsive my mom just got up, she had a wonderful day, she ate she talked she made tons of phone calls etc. We thought our prayers were answered and she was recovered. There is a saying/belief that sometimes they get better before they die. (By better that can vary on stages of what we call better) after that one day of my mom having a great day, she fell unresponsive again, only having her comfort meds and oxygen. It was a couple of weeks after the good day that my mom passed. I had huge regret that we could have done something, anything that would have healed her. In reality there was nothing that could be done. There are certain stages of death and the process isn't a science. My mother was a petite person who normally weighed around 105 lbs. Most she ever weighed was 135 when 9 months pregnant. The last weight of my mom and it was several days before she passed was 65 lbs.

My reasoning for mentioning my mom's process is that everyone is different in their process of dying. Cindy has had numerous close calls and has been very sick for a long time. I think Cindy's process started when she was hospitalized at the beginning of February. When she came home on the 16th and called me and several others on the 17th, I believe that was her surge of energy. This is an excerpt from hospice about the surge of energy or the good day as I referred to it as.
"The dying person may be sleeping more now and not engaging in activities they once enjoyed. They no longer need the nourishment from food they once did. The body does a wonderful thing during this time as altered body chemistry produces a mild sense of euphoria. They are neither hungry nor thirsty and are not suffering in any way by not eating. It is an expected part of the journey they have begun."

Now Hellon please don't mistake my long story and explanations as patronizing or diminishing your intelligence. You are extremely intelligent, of that I am positive. I asked these same exact questions of Debbie the other day. I am not there with her so I don't know. But, in reality a turn around from where she is at is not likely. I won't say there is no hope as I believe in miracles.

As far as making arrangements for expenses it is a deeply needed contribution that will ease a financial burden from the family when they should be spending moments with her reflecting on life rather than how are we going to pay for this. As most know funerals can cost around 10,000.00 dollars for a modest funeral. Cindy doesn't have life insurance and many times they want money immediately before doing anything to the body, whether it's cremated or buried. Cremation is a lot less expensive than burial.

I am not trying to put Cindy's financial business out here but all I will say is the family is in extreme need. If my friend makes a recovery I will rejoice in the fact and wait for her return.

I work with independent seniors, and in that I get to be a part of the very hard transition from independent to dependent lifestyles. This is very hard on loved ones most of the time, as we don't want to believe our family is aging, and that the inevitable may happen someday.

I am such a champion for hospice care. I've had such incredible experiences both personally and corporately with them, and I have witness heartbreak, and I have witnessed miracles. There is a woman I know who has gone on and off hospice 17 times. She's a stubborn ole gal who swears her time isn't up yet because God has one more person for her to pester (lol, this will be me someday, I am sure!). I've witnessed my grandmother go on hospice and within 48 hours, she was gone. That was a beautiful thing - we admitted her to a nursing home so she would have the around-the-clock care that she needed, and I went to see her on a Friday afternoon, the day after she was admitted. We knew she was dying, but we just didn't know when. One of my aunts got so excited because Grandma was up and well, laughing with us, a bit confused but otherwise cognitively aware of every little thing. We played cards, we told jokes, we reminisced about our childhoods with her, and my aunt was just sure we could take Grandma home. I tried to gently warn her that Grandma's body was failing, and this very well may have been that good day before she goes. In almost every death I have experienced, there is a good day where you're almost sure healing has happened. I think it's beautiful. Grandma went to bed that night and never woke up. Saturday was a full day of resting, and she passed that Sunday morning. Every situation is unique, my coworkers mom was comatose for 24 days. It's a hard wait, and while we pray for healing and pray for a healthy recovery, it doesn't always happen, and I think it's important and okay to allow yourself to grieve ahead of time. To start the hard process of dealing with these emotions. That's just my experience, anyway.

I've been praying so much for the friends and family, for peace and comfort. I believe Cindy is resting peacefully now - the body really is an INCREDIBLE thing, especially during times like this. I take great comfort in knowing she is comfortable right now.

The dying person may be sleeping more now and not engaging in activities they once enjoyed

^^^

These were signs that my father was showing...his organs were slowly shutting down and, while he was not comatose, he was not responding normally and then...I held his hand and he heard my voice after 6 years of being away and my first words to him were..."what the hell do you think you're doing lying in bed....it's midday you old fart" he raised his eyebrows and laughed out loud, no one could believe it...so, I guess I'm trying to say that no Ben...my dad never had stubborn organs just a stubborn daughter :)

Never give up on your loved ones...maybe a change in bedside manner could make a difference?

"Never give up on someone with an illness. When "I" is replaced by "We", illness becomes wellness."

Hellon, I am the same way. The more others tell me it's time to give up, the more I hope and fight. I'm not sure we won't have Cindy back. I don't believe getting hopes up is a bad thing. Loss is loss. If Cindy doesn't make it, it's going to hurt. A lot. Theres no way around the pain of loss. But she's still here, so don't give up. Have hope. This is the time to be strong. <3

A stubborn daughter, Hellon? I won't have it! :)