Let's Talk - Recovery.

If you feel like sharing or being honest... what is something you (or someone close to you) has or is currently recovering from? This can be from a plethora of things, whether addictions or things in your past or not even tangible things.

This can be something personal or something more abstract. Your call.

My cold. ;)

No honestly, I am working on gossiping. I am a terrible gossiper, always have been, and the past six months I have been very intentional in changing this terrible quality. It's not something I've ever liked doing, but it's just so easy to vent and talk about people. I've pulled back a bit from those who "support" these tendencies. People may read this and think oh please, that can't be hard, or that's not a real issue...think again. It's incredibly difficult, and it IS a TERRIBLE problem. Plus, I'm not gonna air my total nitty gritty hahaha

I'm trying these days to be less nervous. I wasn't paying attention to that, actually, but then my sister told me about it. I shout at people sometimes, without realizing, when they try to discuss with me. I lose sleep at night over the silliest of things. I take jokes too seriously, and I get upset with people, who I know care about me, for no valid reason. And this anger is hurting nobody but me. So. Yup.
Maybe finals cause all of that? I dunnooo.

Oooh i wrote a long piece on healing.
i just think its too long for PnQ and its on my blog and ny page on Facebook.

But all in all, I am recovering from self sabotage.

I suppose I suffer from a certain amount of anxiety. I often find myself lying in bed in the small hours, shattered, but unable to sleep, worrying over anything and everything.
I suffer constant ups and downs and I have a severe temper that I'm trying to get on top of - made worse, I think, by the above problems!
It might be too soon to use the word "recovery" but I'm working on it. My wife and my children are a constant source of inspiration for me.

All the very best,
Ben

I have really been trying to recover from regret.... it's eating me alive.

Regret of how I treated my mom, it's coming back tenfold with my daughters. Regret of my mother's passing, not knowing if I done everything I could do. Regret of decisions along the way in life, wondering if they were the best ones. Having anxiety on top of it and going through menopause and my own set of health scares only increases the regret. It's not depression as most seem to think,it's separate. Regret is it's own little demon. I am not depressed in the general sense, I am upbeat, positive and my cup is half full always. I cope with another demon that is not in recovery either... my cigarettes. The most nasty thing ever and they prohibit me from a lot. They have a a result of cancer and heart attacks taken away loved ones, my mom, dad, granny, father in law, and friends. I continue to smoke, regardless of the outcome. Hardest thing I have never done is quit. So recovery hasn't come yet in any situation.

Wow Ben, that's my every night, I'm not recovering from anything other than watching my profanity around my kids, and thinking better thoughts other than violent ones when it comes to dealing with people you know at one time you'd smack the shit out of them in a heart beat, maybe even shoot their stupid asses....ok, rant over....lol

From being cold towards people I don't know, I have walls all around me that keep me safe and I shouldn't keep the people that are new to my life, and could be part of my life out it's just wrong but past tends to clash with present so I'm working on that.

A friend/co-worker of mine. She was badly addicted to drugs. To the point where she lost way too much weight, her face was physically changing every time I saw her, she stayed in her physically and mentally abusive marriage just to get her fix and ended up losing her job as well. One day she just decided to move out of state and get clean. She came back a few weeks ago... a completely different person. Her divorce will be final in April. Just a few days ago she was able to rent out a new house, has a new vehicle, got her job back and is regaining custody of her son in 2 weeks.

I'm happy for her. :) I just hope she is able keep her life on track.

Sugar. In all of it's forms. Diagnosed with diabetes several years ago & it has completely changed my lifestyle regarding food. No matter how many vegetables and how much protein eaten, there's always the craving, and often indulgence, in the sweets.

************************

Self-Sabotage, Anxiety, Insomnia, Nervousness, Regrets - intimately familiar with all of these plagues, as well as Guilt, Taking on Lost Causes and Refusal to Accept what the world deals out.

Two things:

1) I haven't found anything that works yet so I can't say I'm on the road to recovery, but I'd like to recover from anxiety. My "resting" heart rate is around 100 bpm. High blood pressure runs in my family, so maybe I need to get on medication. I feel stressed out alllllll the time. Either my intense blood pressure is triggering stress/anxiety symptoms, or stress/anxiety is triggering high blood pressure. I'm not sure, but regular panic attacks are not fun and I'm getting gray hair.

2) Not to sound like a broken record, but I'm still recovering from the loss of my cat. I don't necessarily want to recover yet, so that's probably why I haven't. I don't accept that he's gone. I know grief comes in waves... it feels to be getting worse and worse lately though. I find myself pulling away from other animals because they're not Milo, which is unlike me. A defining aspect of me is/was unconditionally, immediately loving all animals. Before he died, I didn't think that was a part of me that could change, but I don't have it in me anymore. Milo made my heart two times bigger, and his death made it shrink tenfold. Guilt and resentment are weighing me to the ground. How many times do I have to say I miss him before I get to see him again?

"You risk crying when you let yourself love."
The Little Prince, by Saint-Exupery

But it is so worth it. Jane, I've finally accepted that Rosaura, who's going through the same thing regarding her big orange Maine coon, is just going to have to let the pain work its way through her system. I hope it doesn't take as long for you, but you're still the Jane who loves animals - just a bit gun shy about loving another too quick. Guilt, fear of loss. You're going to ache a long time. Sorry, but I won't BS you.
Eventually you'll be back.

Thank you all for sharing!

And Jane, especially in regards to Milo. I know words aren't enough but my heart goes out to you. And what Larry said reminds me of a quote I was told that's it okay to feel hurt as that's a part of being vulnerable, and loving and letting love in. I hope there will be healing too for you.

<3

Jane...have you had you blood pressure checked?

My vagina from birth. Ouchies. But now it's fine, thanks for asking.

The high of being a new mum. Recovering from the most glorious shock there is. It lasted for many dizzying months, it was the best rush ever. I couldn't stop looking at my baby. Why do they call it falling in love? I was flung up to it. But now I'm used to the heights, not quite so ridiculously giddy. This new unexpected selflessness and complete, willing surrender took a lot of getting used to. I thought it was a myth that smug or desperate mothers talk about. But I was born again when Maya was. I had to get reacquainted with this new person, and I genuinely like myself and my body for perhaps the first time ever.

Uch Abby did you no take up a wee hobby whell you were waitin for your vagina to heal lass??

http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/discussion/topic.html?topic_id=142195

"How many times do I have to say I miss him before I get to see him again"

Nah Jane, you can't do my heart like that.

" I was born again when Maya was. I had to get reacquainted with this new person, and I genuinely like myself and my body for perhaps the first time ever."

Nah Abby, you can't do my heart like that either.

Oh yeah, Hellon, I remember that bit of performance art from somewhere (maybe here). I bled for 6 weeks straight after birth so I would have one VERY colourful scarf. But I'm happy to say I've been white scarfing for 10 months now, hurray! Not anxious to see colour on my yarn anytime soon.

Thanks, guys. I don't know what to say. The people of PnQ have been inexplicably nice to me about losing Milo, even when I bring it up over and over again. The support in this little community with people from around the world has proven itself second to none. This is the only place I feel comfortable spilling my grief. Poets, like you all, must have bigger hearts or something.

Nice thread, MA.

Edit: Hellon, I am awaiting a call from my primary care provider to set up an appointment. Might be a few weeks or a month before I have an appointment scheduled, and another few weeks or a month before I get to go in. Free health care is great and all, but you get what you pay for! :)