Weekly Contest Results 21/03/2016

Morning P&Q! We have so many variety of poems and
three of our Winners are new members-they are Kireasha L,
Milly Hayward and Brenda. Well done and Congrats to
our front page Winners and all the HM's. Thank you judges
for your time and effort to make this weekly contests
possible, appreciate all that you do!

WINNERS:

Unashamed in creation by Poet on the Piano

Visions behind the veil by Kireasha L

Lost moments by Milly Hayward

Unashamed in Creation by Poet on the Piano

Mary Anne, blew me away this week with her nature
beauty! Oaks and garden gnomes in the opening stanza
made me smile, however this poem is a healing piece, that
I feel... in every line. Nature is healing, and this piece is
glorification and strength... and vision. The visual display
left me speechless. The purest of heaven never needs to hide within nature... I adore this piece, well done!!
(10 points)
~~~~~~~

Unashamed in Creation by Poet on the Piano

The opening stanza is kind of rough (not written in a rough
way, but the idea of struggling still while healing is rough)
then gently led into beautiful nature descriptions, a
whirlwind of emotions, and the sense of self-discovery.
It's very beautifully penned. (10 points)
---------------

Visions behind the Veil by Kireasha L

This poem is a wonderful dedication to something so
beautifully misunderstood. It's very well written,
describing in detail a vivid image of what the veil is and
how it could make someone feel. I love the concept
and words that have been chosen. (4 points)
~~~~~~~~~~

Visions behind the Veil by Kireasha L

A delicate and unique poem by new member Kireasha
this week. A beautiful and insightful dedication ... I feel
had such a deep double meaning. I can see and feel
survival within each line. Strength and yet sorrow...
but opening doors to beauty. Her ending lines truly
dazzled me... just a lovely poem by this lady! (7 points)
~~~~~~~~~~~

Visions behind the veil by Kireasha L

I simply adored this, I've never had a problem with the
head garment ( hijab) that many muslim women wear,
because the eyes have always been the mirror of the
soul, this is loaded with compassion and a need to
help others understand that the clothes don't make the
soul, and you should fear that which is unknown to
you......thank you for this piece. (4 points)
-------------------

Lost moments by Milly Hayward

There is a very relate-able theme to this piece. We have
all had those moments. Milly has put that time to good
use and written it down. Lovely use of imagery and
scene setting. I like the rhyme although a simplistic
scheme it works with the simplicity of the whole piece.
Some people may call it raw but I feel it is a little
more polished than that. I originally scored this a 7 but switched places with my 10. I would have liked to have
seen every line have 8 syllables, there is the odd 7 here
and there. However Milly has not suggested that all lines have the same syllable count therefore it would be mean
on my behalf to fault it. Poetry, particularly free verse
knows no boundaries. (10 points)
~~~~~~~~~~~

Lost Moments by Milly Hayward

Self reflective poems are very hard to write with any
substance that engrosses an audience unless they can
fully relate to it, and I think everyone can relate to this
from beginning to end, I embrace my memories, they
are what makes me who I am now, and hopefully they
will never become "lost moments" erased by loss of
memory....truly a remarkable piece with a flowing
rhyme scheme (7 points)
----------------------

HM's:

Cinders by Silvershoes

Words from the bottom of a shot glass by Maple Tree

World snippets by Narph

Would you ever learn how to divide by Everlasting

A yearning by Satish Verma

Heart inflamed by Larry Chamberlin

Appalachain burial by Brenda

Cinders by Silvershoes

"This poem says it all in merely 8 lines, which I think is
a true achievement considering the depth of the
emotion which is described. The first line was
immediately clear with the word "panicked", but poetic
flare was added with the fire. At first I was bothered with
so many lines starting with "I", it makes the poem feel a
bit static, like it's just a sum of events. But as I read it
over and over again I think it kind of goes with the state
of mind when one is retrieving a memory and analyzing
it. Still I might have preferred it to be more subtle,
though. It disrupts the flow a bit. Other than that, it's still
a great poem with evocative metaphors. There's certainly
darkness embedded in it, with banshees and fear ruling
the poem. I can truly sense the state of panic here
despite the syntax being quite static. The ending lines wrap
it all nicely together, showing the halt of reminiscing,
showing regret. The contrast is sharp and nicely done,
while still keeping the connecting factor between two
stanzas by mentioning the fire. Nice poem." (4 points)
~~~~~~~~~~~

Cinders by Silvershoes

I am a sucker for small pieces that have a real punch
to them. This was posted in the 'Dark' section but could
easily be posted in 'Sad' or 'poems about life' even 'humorous'. There are so many ways this poem could
be interpreted, which is the sign of a good piece of
writing. So short yet so imaginative. My only gripe would
be the 'I's' Are the last four needed? The narration
perspective was set in line 1. Despite this grumble it still
gets my 4 this week. (4 points)
-------------------

Appalachian Burial by Brenda

Another new member I chose to highlight this week.
Brenda broke my heart with this poem and yet her
creative and very unique and simplistic style left
me speechless. The visuals within this poem brought me
to a funeral I went to years ago... heals sinking into soil on
a rainy day... oh I tell you-- this poem was just wonderful!!
(4 points)
------------------

Heart Inflamed (two English sestets segueing into syntuit) by Larry Chamberlain

Bias is a term tossed around on this site from time to
time. One such complaint is that a Mod has won the
weekly or received an HM. Even Mods feel like they
have won because they are a Mod. I find myself in a
funny situation this week, I have picked two Mods for
the weekly contest. Neither have anything to do with the
fact they are Mods.
I DID score this poem 10 points at first. I have read all
30 poems nominated and this was the best of the bunch.
No repetition of words or phrases, no spelling mistakes.
The forms written true to the boundaries of said
forms.......until I triple checked. According to my syllable
counter friend (Google) burned is 1 syllable. Which
means that the third line of the syntuit is only 4
syllables. Therefore I have to give this 7 points. The
reason I still score this poem at all is because of two
things, firstly 'Burned' could be pronounced as two in
certain parts of the world. (Scotland comes to mind ;-) )
The second and most important reason is because the
poem oozes class. It has so much light and shade that
it sings when you read it. Hence why a musical term
has been used in the title 'segueing' still worthy of 7 points.
(7 points)
----------------------

A Yearning by Satish Verma

The hired untruths
are killing the tender doubts.
No body wants to look back
at the subscribers of violence

(no body), don't know if this was meant to be nobody, or
no body, but either way this carried the entire poem and
is very significant of what is going on today with the
hatred throughout our societies predicated mostly upon
past deeds more so then the ones being done now.....I
loved how the poem ended with hope, peace and
tranquility, we should always have hope.......terrific job
(10 points)
----------------------

Would You Ever Learn How to Divide? by Everlasting

"This is certainly a kind of love letter/poem that is one of
a kind. It's hard to include science within a poem
without sounding too cheesy or technical, but I think
Everlasting took a simple mathematics concept and turned
it into a genuine and cute poem. Starting the poem with
"Sweet heart" immediately makes the reader think that
the poem is going to be a gentle one, yet the stanza
that follows brings out the sharp tongue of the persona.
It makes the reader ponder, in a good way. For, what
does dividing has to do with the persona being a loner
already, does dividing not result in even more loneliness?
Thankfully a whole explanation is written in the following
stanzas, but not in a tedious manner. It was remarkable
how all the repetition of ones and twos did not bother me
at all, then again the author is notorious for good
repetition. I loved how, in-between all the Math, there
are still cute snippets such as "But rumors whisper you
are my half". I also love how the confusing wish of
dividing reveals to be dividing problems and love and
everything, it makes a negative word sound so much
more positive now. I great twist for sure, it's a clever
concept especially for a love-related poem. Well done."
(7 points)
-------------------------

World Snippets by Narph

"From head to toe, this poem makes me imagine a
child-like voice, full of curiosity, full of wonder. I love
how the author seems to be searching for her words,
hesitating maybe, by saying "it looks lacking, sort of"
then continues to liken it to something. Then comes
the almost-desperate yet still cute repetition. The
imagery and words are simple, but it's the voice and
melody that make the first stanza so very attractive.
The same techniques were applied to the second stanza,
and I must say I love how the structure of the poem
turns out this way. Both stanzas evoke a kind of
sadness that does not penetrate the soul but still makes
you want to help out, like when you see a kid running on
the streets then tripping. Kudos for evoking such a subtle emotion with such simplicity, it's always nice to read
poems with a clear tone." (10 points)
-------------------------

Words from the Bottom of a Shot Glass (Triolet) by Maple Tree

Wow, this is beautifully written. I love the word choices
in the lines that repeat, they are used very well with the
entire poem. I also love the content. A few little personal
notes: the word "writers" needs an apostrophe either
before or after the 's' (depending on what you are saying),
and I would capitalize the word Zen because Zen is
capital worth in my opinion. Everything else looked
amazing to me, very well written. (7 points)

Well done all, wonderful wins this week.Congratulations to the hms too; Larry, your piece is marvellous.
I think Darren told the boys to pull their socks up last week; he has a point looking at the winners list over the last five or six weeks. Of the last 18 winners, Mark is the solitary male. Men: it's time to stand up, be counted and take the battlefield against these female imposters!

Take care and all the best,
Ben

Congratulations to all winners and HM's - wonderful poems one and all. I am seriously impressed with the detailed comments. Its critique like this that helps us all refine our work. A big thank you for a job well done!

Nice, I like that the 2 judges who commented on my poem struggled with the "I's," so there must be something to it. Unlike my discussion posts that I edit a hundred times before leaving as is, I usually don't like to edit a poem once I've finished with it. I might rethink the I's in this case. We'll see. Thank you for the honest feedback! It is much appreciated. Also, I too didn't know what category to post the poem under, but remembering my state of mind while writing it, the dark section seemed most fitting. Thanks again, judges.

Congrats to all.

Congrats all, Ladies rule again.

Much deserved this week.

I'd like to say thank you to all the judges who voted for my poem. I'm new to the site and at first I didn't have it in me to start writing, but one day a friend and co-worker of mine encouraged me to write. I'm so glad I listened to her; I've been inspired by so many good people in my life and I feel now is the time to write. Visions behind the veil is so personal to me because I live in a diverse community, I really appreciate the different cultures and ethnicities that I get to see everyday. Although, I wrote this poem in dedication to the Islamic woman; the poem also depicts anyone who may feel as though they are wearing an invisible veil and they don't want to be judged by their outer appearance, they simply want someone to look into their eyes and get to know them for who they are. Thanks again to the judges who picked this poem, it means a lot to me. I feel so honored. Congrats to all the other winners too.

Pass me a tissue please.......

Congratulations to Mary Anne, Milly and ki!!!!

Lovely poems.....

Thank you judge for my lovely comment!!

Congrats ladies - again! All, though wholly worth the win. I especially like that a newcomer won. Congrats to the HMs also.

Thanks for the comment, Judge.
It shows the risk in over-editing. I cut a word that should have been left - corrected now.

All the judges are leaving outstanding comments - thanks.
Thanks also to Min for hosting the weekly

Thank you so much judges! Appreciate the comments and congrats to Kireasha and Milly and of course, the HM'S.

Also to the newcomers: welcome to the site :)

Thanks also, Meena!

Thank you for the HM

Congrats winners

It's scary how bad the women are kicking the men's metaphoric ass......lol, wow some good stuff, congrats winners and hm's and judges and minions running things.....

I've mentally responded to this about 15 times... lol.

Congrats (again, the 16th time, only this time I'm focused!) to all the winners & HM's! Some lovely poetry this week... and we had national poetry day yesterday, what fun timing to win!!

What is 21/03/2016

too many long nights Meena....lol

^ 21 March 2016

Sorry Bob meant to write March!

Sorry for my late comment, I am new to the site and only just discovered this discussion area. I want to thank everyone who organised and judged the weekly competition and for those who voted for my poem. This was my first ever literary win. I really appreciated the comments and feedback and the time that these hardworking individuals put into their critiques and judging of the competitions. This site and the people on it have been a huge inspiration to me and the site itself is so full of creative magic I could spend weeks on it and still only scratch the surface. I feel like I have joined a massive creative family all working towards poetic excellence. So thanks to everyone again. Milly x

Again, Milly, welcome & well done for your first outing!