Pretty Hurts!

....So is that why I am always in pain?

Lmao, I love you people.
I hope everyone is doing beautiful.

Yak attack, what's good, baby? We love you too. You're our PnQ celebrity.

Hope you're doing well! I love following your growth on Instagram, you're taking the poetry world by storm. Very proud of you!

Omg, a celebrity? what is my life. thank you jane :*

Also, Hi Mel! sending you a warm hug.

You know, I am absent in forums even though i lurk PnQ on the daily. I actually started this thread, because I wanted to discuss how our poetry creates a certain image of us even though it is far from the truth. I know most of you, don't really share your poetry outside of PnQ, but again, there's some of you who do. The main reason, I share so much on social media is because I want people to understand that there's not just one dimension to me.
You know, that I am deeply human and i have good times and bad times like everyone else.

Let me tell you all a little story. A few days ago I was having dinner with a few friends and we start having wine, and some hours into the night we get in our feelings and start having an intimate conversation. So, one of my friend starts going on and on about how he feels lonely in Holland and he lived a very good life back in his homeland and now he has to struggle etc etc. Ofcourse, I can't relate to his story because i didn't like life back home.
But I could relate to his feeling of lonely. So in my effort to give him a pep-talk, I try to tell him that it is a temporary sacrifice for a greater good. And then he turns around and tells me
"That's easy for you to say, because you are brave" I laugh it off and i keep drinking.
But it really bothered, it bothered me for days. That people think that because I am brave i lack empathy. Or am not empathetic.

So i spoke to my friend about it, and she gave me this story. She tells me that his perception of me, only bothered me because I have some inner demons that I have to address. (which is very true). She tells me, "Yes, you are brilliant, but you can not allow yourself to become another virginia wolf. You need to make peace with your inner demons so opinions do not bother you." She also said, that channeling and sharing all my grief to my writing makes it worse because - according to her - the type of writer I am puts me up on a pedestal,
From which it is hard to see that I need empathy too.

...that was heavy to read, but I am glad she told me that. So here's the thing...
Does anyone do something outside of writing to deal with the pain? Like some art or activity you do solely for you. Outside of everyone elses gaze?. Do you think you change as an artist when an audience comes into the picture? What have you lost to exposure? Talk to me!

Hmm I wonder how my poetry shapes my image.

Yaki, you are empathetic. I know this because you've reached out to me on multiple occasions and comforted me. You've read between the lines and known what one of my poems was about when I thought the meaning behind it was well hidden, and you cared enough to ask, and you cared enough to relate to me and understand my sadness. I know you're empathetic because you understand the circumstances of your friend from Holland and you used your own experience to lend comfort. You can be strong and empathetic. If your friend meant you are the former and therefore can't be the latter, he's wrong. Maybe he wanted someone to say, "You're right, move back to your homeland" because he wants to feel affirmation in giving up on a path to success. You didn't do that. You care about him too much to tell him, "Give up." That's my interpretation.
As for your other friend, maybe you've found some truth in her words, and if it helps you grow or reflect, so be it. Good. But those without sin shall cast the first stone. I'm not necessarily religious, but there is a lot of truth to this principle. It seems to me this woman is deflecting and overstepping. I don't know her, but the impression your story left me with is that she doesn't recognize we are all flawed. She's flawed too.
And again, they're both wrong. You're empathetic. You're not frail, soft-spoken, or a pushover. You are strong and you are empathetic, and you are not one without the other.

I'll need to revisit this. I'm out and using my phone.