November 7th, 2016 - Weekly Contest Results

Hey, it's that time of the week again! I just want to give a shout out to the judges, (we're still searching for one!) for keeping the contest alive by sacrificing their time to scour through the contest nominations and pinpoint down their favourite three poems, it really is appreciated <3

Without further ado:

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Votes:

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Winners:
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Orange by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko - 18 pts (10 + 4 +4)
Coping by Yakari Gabriel - 18 pts (7 + 7 + 4)
Corner of Light by Yakari Gabriel - 17 pts (10 + 7)

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HMs:
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Inside You by Beautiful Chaos - 14 pts (10 + 4)
Heaven's Bridge from Hell by Larry Chamberlin - 10 pts
Actions Speak Louder Than Prayers by Ben Pickard - 10 pts
A Pool Became a Foutnain by Pen Pickard - 7 pts
Not the Climbing Kind (syntuit) by Mr Darcy - 7 pts
Oct 28th by Karla - 4 pts

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Comments:

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Orange by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko
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The heavy usage of imagery is exhilarating. You can feel the weight of every verse accumulating until it crushes you with the weight of the concluding verse; the author has a unique ability to transport you into their memory, and depict everything associated with the memory (feelings, images, etc) to a t. (10 pts)

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A wistful write here. The use of the word orange in the initial statement draws the reader in from the start. Then the departing birds, swallows, bluebirds, crows?? Carrying on the theme. This poem's layout is pleasing and allows for natural flow from start to finish. The theme is one many will relate to. An enjoyable read. (4 points)
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This talented young man never fails to impress me with his eloquent way with words. He is one of those writers on site that has the power to transport you to another place as you read.
This nostalgic write really moved me and was laid out as beautifully as it was written.
If I were to make any suggestions, it would only be to change the line 'no, a hundred of dandelions ago' to 'no, a hundred dandelions ago'. A very small tweak, but one that I feel would improve the flow as I did stumble a bit there. Anyway, another lovely write from this poet. (4 points)

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Coping by Yakari Gabriel
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The ending of this poem got me. It's as if this piece took the words out of my mouth: " You ain't got to clean no one's place no more mama. I got you." All I can say is that I wish you the very best. Keep working towards your dreams. Make your mama feel more proud of you. I love the voice in this poem. I like how the second part of the poem answers the question at the beginning. Overall, I love the sentiment. (7 points)

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I always admire this lady's work. Not only is it always immensely powerful, but her inner strength, anger and determination shines through every piece and despite the often upsetting content, her stubbornness to stand up to the wrongs she feels are sometimes dealt is always a pleasure to read.
Here we find yakari 'coping' far from home and away from those she loves but not sitting idly; instead, filling her time with songs and verse and dreams of being able to return to her mum and make her life easier. A real treat. (7 points)

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Yakari has a unique ability to instil hope in such few lines; it seems to be a personal reminder for her, what she's working towards but I"m sure a lot of people can relate to the poem one way or another. (4 points)

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Corner of Light by Yakari Gabriel
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Even for being extremely personal this piece reaches the hearts of everyone in the audience. It tells a story that may not be familiar to all walks of life, but it is that same aspect that pulls so many different people in. To learn from. To experience. To understand. Family is a tricky subject and being personally swept away in it while writing makes it difficult to lure in an audience as well as vent, but this week Yakari does a fantastic job of balancing out both aspects. Stunning. (10 points)

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In spite of this being a really personal poem, Yakari showcases her ability to demand attention from the reader and captivate it with her honesty, uncertainty, and hope. This poem is equally inspiring as it is depressing (her willingness to persevere shines in every verse). (7 points)

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Inside You by Beautiful Chaos
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I'm honoured to give this little gem top marks on my first week of a new judging cycle. Despite the sadness that surrounds the piece, there is a simple beauty in the way it is written, too. I have read it multiple times and it really did get under my skin. There is also an inspirational feel to the poem, with the writer almost rising from the ashes like a phoenix, to come back and wreak havoc inside the body of this person who has done wrong by them. Vengeance is sweet and this is excellent. (10 points)
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This piece has a lot of interesting elements to it, the capitalizations were distracting at first, but then I realized those really were the most important words of the piece. I also, after quite a few reads, noticed that this piece has a lot of diversity and multiple layers to it that each add new meaning, story, and artistic voice to the work. Also, at first glance I believed this would be choppy, but after a single read through I noticed that the breaks were actually quite intriguing as well as powerful. All in all this work is definitely worthy of mention this week. (4 points)

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Heaven's Bridge from Hell by Larry Chamberlin
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Beautifully told tale here. A tale of wisdom that only an experienced life can tell. Bridges are often symbolic, they can show a journey, and although this one does that, it also shows the changing emotional connection, depending on which part of the brain is holding the reins. The bridge and its horrific incident is depicted in such a vivid way, "mouthed his father's rifle and pulled the trigger of his life." that this alone won me over. I liked the thorough self-analysis of this memory, told over the poem, each description from the emotional altar boy, to the analytical scientist. I enjoyed this in every way. (10 points)

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Actions Speak Louder Than Prayers by Ben Pickard
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I will be super picky for a moment and take the liberty of mentioning that, after inspection, this sonnet does not follow the rules of an English Sonnet "strictly", but then again, some of Shakespeare's sonnets don't do either. Thus, I'll be lenient on my judgement.

If anyone is interested in knowing what I mean by "does not follow the rules strictly," I'll just say that one line in particular does not have the ten syllable count as per the other lines. For instance:
Line 13:
"Hope and pray but live an honest life"
^I count 9 syllables plus the meter on this line reads semi-off (at least to me).

My possible suggestion is to add either the words "Hence" or "Thus" or "So" in front of "hope".

( Thus, HOPE and PRAY but LIVE an HON-est LIFE...)
(Hence, HOPE and PRAY but LIVE an HON-est LIFE...)
(So, HOPE and PRAY but LIVE an HON-est LIFE ...)

**Disclaimer: the above are just suggestions meant to be taken upon consideration or ignored. The author has the choice to choose either of.

Now, the rhyme scheme on this sonnet is spot on : abab cdcd efef gg. The rhymes range from perfect to slant which is fair. This sonnet is composed of 14 lines. The predominant meter is Iambic Pentameter. The sonnet has a volta at line 8. So far, the technical aspect is being met.

Now aside from technicalities, what really captured me was the story painted on this sonnet, and how the story developed from trying to ascend to heaven... to ending, all the way, to (what I assume) is hell.
Basically, my take on the story is that an individual lived his life set on faith alone, and now, he is being carried upwards to heaven by an angel, but the weight (sins) of the individual are too heavy on the angel's wings that now the individual finds himself resting on the clouds. The angel is nowhere near. He doesn't know where the angel is. He is alone. He sees a lighting strike and decides to follow it, only to find out, that the route he chose led Him directly to the Devil's floor where no one can save Him.

The following is my opinion as to why faith alone did not suffice:

At the beginning Faith, itself, managed to take him upwards... but his weight (sins) only allowed his Faith to take him to the clouds. Later, he decided to put his faith on luck, by doing this, he ended up in the Devil's floor.

The mistake I see as a believer was for him to set his faith on luck...
In the words of a professor I once had, "Where you put your trust is what matters. If you put your trust in the correct place, then you'll never be disillusion."

The lesson learnt from this sonnet (coming from a believer) is : Don't put your faith in luck, put your faith in God as God stands for all that is honest, for all that is pure ( innocent), all that is just, all that is good, all that is love. . .

The lesson learnt (coming from a believer who puts his/her faith not just in God) is: faith alone will not take you far if what you preach is not backed by your actions.

Overall, live an honest life.

This sonnet is well written. What I like is that the story is pretty much straightforward (faith alone for this individual was not enough) yet one can still draw a unique conclusion out of the story based on our own religious or non religious beliefs. Well written piece. Food for thought. (10 points)

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A Pool Became a Foutnain by Pen Pickard
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The opening, 'don't go near...' drew me straight in to this trip down memory lane; a trip of sombre recollection, bringing sad tones, such as, winter, listless and stormy. I discovered so much imagery that it felt like a Technicolor movie. I also appreciated the format, the use of bracketed segments, like "(the clocks around the house seemed unnaturally greedy in those later years)" Lovely! Then there were the interspersed questions, urging the reader to invest. I did invest and enjoyed. Well done. (7 points)

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Not the Climbing Kind (syntuit) by Mr Darcy
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There is something about this piece that speaks to so many different aspects of life, and that alone is beautiful. Another wonderful thing about this gorgeous little write is that the lack of punctuation and the missing capitalizations really add to the feel of the piece - that fine line between stability and forward mobility. Extremely well done with so little to work with. (7 points)

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Oct 28th by Karla
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This poem has something that keeps bringing me back to read it. I can't find the right words to express how I feel about it, but the overall feeling is some inexplicable sadness.

"but as i grow older
and less wise,
i can only feel
and that is the hardest part.

The ending is so poignant. Well written piece. It moves me. (4 points)

Congrats to all the winners, and those who picked up a HM, and thank you again judges <3

We're still searching for one moreee, so holla @ ya boy if you'd like to volunteer as tribute.

Salutes to all the Winners and HM's... cheers!

Many thanks to the judges for their hard work and comments, especially the one who commented on my sonnet and noticed that mistake - I will correct that and use one of your suggestions.

Well done to the winners and other hms

Ben

Congratulations to all the winners and the HM's! Awesome writes all around. Thanks to the judges for giving your time to make those difficult choices.

Some beautiful comments here judges, well done.

Congratulations to all winners and HMs

Congratulations all and thanks everyone.

We're still searching for one moreee, so holla @ ya boy if you'd like to volunteer as tribute.

^ made me LOL.

Congrats to all

Thank you judge. congrats everyone.

Great start to the new term. Congrats to the Front Pagers and the HMs.

Thanks for the comment on Bridge, it is very appreciated!

Larry

Congratulations to the Winners as well as HM's!

Thank you judges and thanks for posting Mark.

Congratulations to the Winners and HM's! Thank you, Judges and Mark for posting!

Thank you and congrats all

Congratulations to you all HM's and winners. ..cheers. ..

Smooth entry into the new term. Good work and congrats to all.