Weekly Winners - December 12th, 2016

Hey guys, it's that time of the week again. Thank you judges for all your hard work!

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Winners:
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"Terminal Burrowing Syndrome" by Senyru (20 pts = 10 + 10)
"A Purple Dragonfly on a Yellow Daisy" by ddavidd (17 pts = 10 pts + 7pts)
"Resurfacing" by Larry Chamberlin (17 pts = 10 + 7 pts)

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HMs:
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"Fairy Rust (English Sonnet)" by Ben Pickard (15 pts = 7 pts + 4 pts + 4 pts)
"Atrophy" by Aegis (14 pts = 7 pts + 7 pts)
"Where have all the Flowers Gone" by Maple Tree (10 pts)
"Love blooms in the garden of winter" by Cloudwalker (4 pts)
"Moonshield!" by Gabriel (4 pts)
"Anorexic of Love" by Everlasting (4 pts)

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Comments:

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"Terminal Burrowing Syndrome" by Senyru
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I wasn't sure about the title for a moment there, I went a little bit medical. The opening, Come Winter, this demanding tone gave the poem coherence from the very 1st phrase.

Such a masterpiece, I was - still am - blown away by the way you connected your terms and words and metaphors. The poem is very coherent and well structured.

The images are not cliche, somehow very true and honest and at the same time a bit complicated and I have found this combination very smart.

The closing line is so raw and fresh. Such a poem to grace the front page. Well done. (10 pts)

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As most poems written by Senyru, this one required thought and a little bit of research to semi-understand its content. "Terminal Burrowing Syndrome" is also known as paradoxical undressing or as an apparent self protective behavior. This Syndrome occurs at the final stages of hypothermia and the afflicted tend "to dig or hide in small, enclosed spaces, such as underneath beds or behind wardrobes."

I had never heard of this Syndrome until I read this poem. I thought the way Senyru incorporated the concept of symbiosis and the Terminal Burrowing Syndrome was extremely creative. The poem as a whole is perfumed with a melancholic tone and the reader can't help but smell it. There are signs that hint that the narrator experienced disappointment such as the lines:

"Like you, it knew nothing of symbiosis"

"Like you, it was meant to migrate"

"That was not mine to swim in"

The entire poem hints of a relationship where one party didn't commit enough as the other. One was willing to make the relationship work, to go through whatever may come even the winter ("Come Winter"), where as the other ... had a change of mind.

The ending while I consider it a hyperbole,

"Love is symbiosis-

that means stripping skin off flesh
when you're in need"

It left me thinking. Love is working together for the benefit of both even if it means stripping skin off flesh when one needs it. It would be seemed like a self protective behavior... which somehow leads it back to the title of the poem. Those experiencing hypothermia in the final stages try to protect themselves but end up undressing themselves, and if one is alone, the undressing is not helpful. So I interpreted the poem as "love is simbiosis". Together, both can endure the winter.

Well done. (10 points)

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"A Purple Dragonfly on a Yellow Daisy" by ddavidd
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This poem has totally captivated me. I find myself reading sections out loud and then looking out to the distance to explore the meaning. This poem is art, in that it urges the reader to expand their perception of the world, encourage them to look behind the screen and see just what's out of sight. In fact, this poem made me want to dissect the words to see what the ink molecules and swim around that world for a while. Have you ever wandered what gold fish think when they swim around, looking out? Well, maybe they feel sorry for the world we live in? A poem like this deserves to be hung in a gallery and for people to sit across from it and just loose themselves. (10 pts)

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This poem gives food for thought. Ha! And I'm currently full. I can't seem to digest more. This is a poem that I'll find myself coming back to read. However, for now, I appreciate the beauty, the voice, the tone, the presentation, and the metaphorical display of examples given in the poem. It's an easy but hard piece to read. Easy because it flows smoothly but hard due to the content. It's not easy to understand it. One, the author starts first by being a fish, then, ends up being even the caries. It certainly makes one think about life itself.

I read the comment left by the author to one of the commentators, and I feel the comment itself explains better than myself what this poem is about. It also adds more food for thought.

Hopefully, more people would read this piece. It's artistic, thought provoking, and overall, an interesting read. (7 points)

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"Resurfacing" by Larry Chamberlin
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This poem is written with a deliberate, measured style and pace that suits the deliberate, dark, detached intention described within the poem. The imagist, concrete nature of the language is used well where the author uses restraint and clarity to let the pictures, senses and verbs do the talking, rather than relying on the emotional and adjective-heavy.

The stillness, the greyness and the quietness perfectly sets off the sudden, animated rainbow of a fish splashing through the water, the roaring relief of a laugh cutting the air, the saving of a life. My heart lifted and laughed along. Lovely ending, truthfully written.

But the Bob Marley reference didn't quite fit. (10 pts)

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I have to admit, I fell in love with this poem and read it multiple times. There is such an uplifting feeling to it, heightened - obviously - by the almost drunk -happy realisation at the end (with some great use of exclamation marks) that we are owed nothing and must find our own joy in life.
How easy it is to be happy in the Spring and how much easier to be miserable in the Winter; but there is joy everywhere if we only take the time to look.
In all honesty, I was not a fan of the line

The lake livens you
better than a Bob Marley song.

I think, primarily, it's because referencing a singer (especially a specific one) seems so detached from the rest of the beautiful nature imagery but also I feel it's written a little clumsily. The word 'better' seems off. However, that's only my opinion and that little issue certainly doesn't detract from this being worth at least 7 points. (7 points)

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"Fairy Rust (English Sonnet)" by Ben Pickard
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Ben really knows how to write these forms well. This English sonnet is an excellent example of how to write one. It reads fluently and the meter rolls along like a steady stream, delivering you finally to the concluding couplet. The metaphors are not so complex as to confuse, rather they enhance the imagery of the poem's essence: 'make hay whilst the sun shines' I will quote the first quatrain, as I feel this introduces this sonnet so well:
"My blade is not as keen as in the past,
When mighty oaks would fall with just a swing.
A sharpened edge is frail and never lasts -
Not ev'ry prince will rise to be a king."
^
Here we have a poet reflecting back when youth and vigour was not appreciated, knowing now that with age our perceptions change. Our youth (blades) become less sharp and so we change how we think, feel and act. It was like this poem was a letter to be given back to a younger self, urging them to be wise as well as sharp. (7 pts)

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Pretty cool to see someone on this site write sonnets with such apparent ease, with good command of meter, style and message. I found this sonnet quite imaginative and liked the dark, sorrowful, fantasy-style content. I personally interpreted it as a once-dashing dragon-slaying knight who now knows it's time to hang up the old armour and watch the young 'uns go for it instead. (4 pts)
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Ben has a gift for writing sonnets by delivering a story filled with metaphors but also by given an advice in his ending couplets. This was an enjoyable read. (4 points)

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"Atrophy" by Aegis
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There is this strength and weakness in this piece. There is strength of expression, yet weakness of main character.

I often find this mesmerizing when reading poetry. People tend to write sad poems with such strength and tonality.

And as for this piece, it's simple yet deep. The image of the mouth being forced to rust in the winter made me imagine and taste things that gave power for your words.

Sometimes tiresome bring the best in us.

Keep writing. (7 pts)

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I'm scoring this poem high, yet, frankly, I believe it would be so much better if two thirds of it were gone. Still, it contains gold. Just leave it as lines 3-5. That is where the gold is. Those lines are a Richard Brautiganesque, loading-mercury-with-a-pitchfork, punch-in-the-guts, leave-you-hanging thinking imagining feeling OH GOD-type poem. The other words do nothing to add to the piece. We feel it already. Keep it condensed, keep it to the golden, brutal, wonderful core.
"Messy, isn't it?" - Richard Brautigan's entire suicide note (7 pts)

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"Where have all the Flowers Gone" by Maple Tree
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To be honest, I have read and reread this and am still not entirely sure I have come to the conclusion Maple Tree herself did! However, what I do know is that it's written beautifully. It is also a sad sort of write considering it's a nature piece.

Following on from that, I'm not sure if I would have placed it in the nature category as I believe the whole piece is an extended metaphor for a person who has been through hardships, so it could have been placed in the sad category. However, I'm getting picky now.

Weeds may not look as beautiful as some more popular flowers, but as is stated here, they are often a lot tougher and survive long after the rest have wilted. What I found sad, however, was that they never get the peace they deserve, perhaps. (10 points)

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"Love blooms in the garden of winter" by Cloudwalker
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I could rattle on and on about this beautiful little haiku for pointless paragraphs, but there would be no point. It is wonderfully written and I love coming across these short forms and feeling justified in awarding them points as they seem almost the underdogs of our poetry world. Obviously, that is because they are so short, so when they're written concisely and with a strong content, they really are an achievement.

Anyhow, it seems I am in danger of 'rattling on'. (4 points)

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"Moonshield!" by Gabriel
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Gabriel has a knack of writing about unique subject matter. This piece is typical of this observation, drawing inspiration from a song. I did follow the link to the 'awesome guitar chords' and enjoyed them too.
The poem reads a little like a War of the worlds' scene. From outer space hostile aliens invading the moon with the murdering (death ray) lasers, the moon is under siege - protected by a moon-shield. I like the nice use of rhyme and differing line length. Although the poem still needs work, I feel this unique write deserves attention as it shows just how versatile poetry can be. I will leave a little taste here:
the beasts thought to crush them like insects
as lasers dug into the moon like moles
but man strived on with great intellects
they fought back
with determination
strong as titanium (4 pts)

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"Anorexic of Love" by Everlasting
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The title stole my attention directly. Before reading the whole piece, I got the impression of an unsuccessful love, energy consumer one.

But then, the piece turned out to be much more deeper and stronger. The description is mind-blowing.

The need to be loved is born with us, it's in our core and runs in our blood. And the story here fluctuates from one phase to another.

At one point I felt your added information more than you should which weakened parts of the piece, if you review once again, there are lines which you may drop and the poem would still be as beautiful - but in general it was a very special poem to read this week. (4 pts)

Congratulations to the wonderful winning poems this week and fellow hms. Many thanks to the judges and for their comments on my sonnet. It was a purely metaphorical piece about losing a gift/something good and understanding that nothing good lasts forever and we should 'make hay while the sun shines'.

All the best

Thank you judges for all your hard work! Congrats to Larry & ddavidd for gracing the front page with me, and to those who picked up a HM!

Also thank you for the lovely comments judges. @ the second judge, you've pretty much nailed what I was going for with the poem. :)

To the judge who wrote this portion of the comment to Gabriel

"The poem reads a little like a War of the worlds' scene. From outer space hostile aliens invading the moon with the murdering (death ray) lasers, the moon is under siege - protected by a moon-shield."

Yes! Yes! That's what it reads like.

Congrats winners and thank you for the Hm.

My humble gratitude goes to the judges, conductors ( those who orchestrate) and those who nominate our works.

Congrats all front pagers and HM's alike, really amazing poems all well deserved!

Well done to everyone this week. The poetry is fantastic! If you lot are having sneaky lessons I'm going to be really mad!! :P

Congratulations to all the front page winners and HM's. Amazing writes all around!

Thank you Mark for posting, judges for hosting.

Congratulations on all the wins and HMs seems poetry here has stepped up a notch or 100 lol

Michael I am with you on being mad if people are having sneaky lessons lol :)

Congratulations all x

Congrats to Mark & ddavidd, very happy to be on the front page with you.
Thanks to Naughtymouse (Ben) for nominating Resurfacing & I will celebrate with what you were drinking when you did so.
Thanks judges & congrats to the HMs & thanks Mark for hosting.

EDIT: Thank you both, judges, for your fair critique. The point was well made and the poem has been modified accordingly.

The honor is mine Larry.