Weekly Contest Results - February 27th, 2017

Thank you judges for all your hard work. We really appreciate all that you do for the site. <3

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Winners:
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She Speaks by Saerelune (34 pts)
About More by Vince Gullaci (18 pts)
By The Shore by Ben Pickard (17 pts)

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HMs:
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Gather Yourself Up, Babe by BlueJay(14 pts)
Pure – Senyru by Gem (4 pts)
A Frozen Hourglass (Concrete) by Kasie (7 pts)
It Is Well by Britt (7 pts)
A Transcending Craft by Ben Pickard (4 pts)

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She Speaks by Saerelune (34 pts)
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The seemingly effortless imagery that is sprinkled all over this piece like stardust is, quite frankly, ludicrously good and shouldn't be allowed in such abundance in one write!
Not that any of it is weak, but if I had to pick a favourite part, it would be this:

Her body is a quiver:
weak like an empty wine glass
as it trembles at each bass.

If I were being ultra-picky (and perhaps unfairly) I may point to the rhyme - whether intentional or not - at the end of the third stanza, 'spills' and 'kills'. It just seemed to interrupt the flow a little and, to my ear, sounds a little forced and unnecessary there. Anyhow, a fully deserved ten from me. (10 points)

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As I read this piece I knew at once I loved it. Why though, is it for its simplicity, or for its extended metaphor? Well, it’s for this and more:

The stringed instrument is, I imagine, a cello, an instrument both beautiful in its design and with an ability to produce romantic and sad tones in equal evocative measures.

What then, when this object of beauty is left abandoned in an orchestra pit, full of dominance – imagine the loss of sound – would this silence not speak “volumes?”

An enjoyable piece with vivid imagery that produced (for me) action and sound. (10 points)

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Sometimes, silence speaks louder than words. Specially if it’s accompanied by a decisive look. I enjoyed the poem. I like the rhymes and how the poem sounds. However, I was expecting the last stanza to also have a couplet like the other three stanzas. The way that last stanza is, made me feel like the poem is unfinished. Regardless of, it is good. Specially how the poem was started. ( 7 points)

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Clever writing, bordering on too clever, but must be applauded nonetheless. The musical instrument metaphors are very evocative and unique. The first two stanzas are quite magnetic. The third stanza builds anticipation. The finale doesn’t quite deliver. But an intriguing and artistic piece. (7 points)

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About More by Vince Gullaci (18 pts)
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Heart touching, this poem - with all its simplicity-
has so much pain and emotions into it.

There is more to the things we inherit from
those who are dear to us, than their materialistic value.

The most touching part about what you've written
is the soul you wrote it with. No big words,
no drama, as though a sad writer was sitting
surrounded with things that reminds him
that everyone is gone, and everything else left
has lost its meaning.

Thank you for this piece. To my favorites. (10 points)
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This poem leaves me feeling unsettle. I have a high appreciation for those people who keep their parents belongings and cherished them when their parents passed away. I, however, never truly wondered how they felt about it. I don’t even want to wonder how it feels. I always assume that everyone feels happy to have a memory of their parents, and that the furniture, etc, still looks the same to them. This piece is simple but it’s packed with an emotional punch that hits the reader. (4 points)

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A simple piece that says all it needs to: the material sparkle and shine of objects seems so much duller when the people/experiences they were attached to have passed.
I'm not sure if I would simply swap 'parents' at the end for 'they' as it seems a little more fluent that way. By naming your father and mother in the second line and then using 'parents' a few lines on seems too obviously like you are trying to avoid repetition. A simple pronoun there would do the trick, I feel.
Also, I would like to see a pause after 'furniture'. Whether a full blown full stop or a simple '-'. Just to give the reader time to draw breath and anticipate the heart-wrenching closing lines. However, all this technical nonsense often has no merit when you are writing from the heart. Well done (4 points)

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By The Shore by Ben Pickard (17 pts)
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I like the beat in this poem (the meter is predominantly iambic), and I don’t want to bored anyone by writing a comment about the techniques used in this piece. I only wish to say that the rhymes and the meter were good, and most importantly, that the story is captivating.

Ben,has an amazing way of narrating a story with so much imagery and technique. I feel like I could read more about this story. The longing to see this person makes me feel like this is a poem written for someone who passed away. It’s saddening. Specially, since I can actually see this person mourning his love. (10 points)

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Ben’s talent for meter is going from strength to strength. Here he weaves this form into a sad and yet beautiful tale about loss. I like the subtle way the difference of those living and those deceased is portrayed in the first line, “I know you and you knew me” Those left in the land of the living still know the deceased that once knew the living.

The metaphor of sea, sand, shore and land not only join this piece incredibly well, they create the necessary imagery and atmosphere of what I imagine to be a rugged Cornish seaside view. The concluding tears and pain swell like the sea, instead of fading away, why is the writer left alone with his grief, whilst the deceased has flown.

Accepting grief is somehow easier when one still feels connected with loved ones now gone, but how to move on when that connection is gone?

An excellent poem with superb meter, metaphor and rhyme. (7 points)

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Gather Yourself Up, Babe by BlueJay (14 pts)
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Love the title. I love any writing where I think I can hear the voice of the author – their accent, their inflections, their pauses. Where they would take a breath, sharply, or let it out, slowly. A shrug, a wry smile, a faraway look. Here, I wasn’t expecting to be drawn into another poem of rejected love and slightly clichéd metaphor, but I found something subtle and special. Maybe it’s because I’m reading a lot of empowering feminist texts right now. Or maybe it’s the clever use of enjambment, punctuation and spacing in the poem that packs so much more tone and impact than the words themselves do – illustrating the command of free verse poetry. Either way, I have grown more fond of it as I read it and I wish to fan its author’s ‘wildfire’ a little more. (10 points)

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Sometimes we all like it short and sweet. This poem delivers a “wildfire” from the start, to the sad conclusion.

Start – the title urges a preparation of reaction that will shock. It then tells efficiently
Of a passionate short relationship, that was grieved for, but now the passion (fire) is free to roam “blissfully” – but this passion roars. . .

Finish – away from any dry kindling.

A thoroughly well executed short poem with satisfying results. (4 points)

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A Frozen Hourglass (Concrete) by Kasie (7 pts)
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Concrete poems are not easy to achieve and write well anywhere, let alone on this site. This one is beautifully constructed and is wonderfully fluent as if we, the reader, are slipping through an hourglass ourselves as we go.
I think we have all had that feeling of time standing still for us, especially when we feel disenchanted with our achievements or life in general; things continue for others but seem to stand still for us. And yet, we know the sand is still trickling away...
I love the subtle rhyme at the end there between 'regrets' and 'silhouettes', by the way. A really good write. (7 points)

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It Is Well by Britt (7 pts)
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When put well, words can cut and dig really deep.

This poem reflected the power of lyrics/words
and how its takes one song, one poem, one line,
one powerful word, for use to be awakened.

There is a sense of self-neglect, self-abandonment,
in this poem, broken with a wake up call which
took the character in a tour within herself.

As though with time there are things about
ourselves that we tend to forget.

A very powerful poem, sensational. (7 points)

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Pure – Senyru by Gem (4 pts)
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Indeed, if there is anything unique about this poem,
its the purity it was written with.

I believe, even if one did not experience it,
but this is the ultimate level of purity
and peak of pure selfless love.

A love that no words can do justice for its description.

Very beautiful and pure Senryu. (4 points)

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A Transcending Craft by Ben Pickard (4 pts)
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Guffaw. (4 points)

Congrats winners and hm's

Great entries this week.

'Guffaw' - perhaps the best comment I have ever received, lol.

Congratulations everyone and thank you to the judges for their time over the last four months.

Well done one and all.

Congrats to the winners and hms. Thank you judges for your time and comments.

Congratulations to the winners and hms!! Y'all wrote some great poems this week! :)

Congratulations to all the front page winners and HM's! Judges, thank you for your dedication the past months.

Thank you sweet judge for your HM/comment. This was a little ditty that rolled off my fingertips in a quiet soul-rush, if that makes any sense. <3

Congratulations to the judges for completing their term through the transition! Thanks for your dedication and efforts. Feel free to out yourselves now and you may post your judging comments to the poems if you wish.

Congrats to the winners and the HMs.

Thanks for posting, Mark.

Fantastic week, thank you judges for all the wonderful indepth comments you have given all of us this term! Also, congrats everyone!