just needed to write this

*Trigger Warning - self harm*
I don't really know what to say but I need to say something. It's not easy to talk to family and close friends about my depression. They don't understand and they say things like "try meditation or deep breathing". When I was sixteen, I started cutting myself. When I 17, I stopped. Last year, I cut again for the first time in 10 years. I carved words into my legs. "worthless, fat, lazy, dumb" all the names I was being called every day. Tonight, I bought razor blades online. I couldn't go to a store and buy them because I didn't want my roommate to know I was getting them. I am scared that I feel like I need to cut again. I've been numb for several days now. I was actually doing okay for about a month, then my roommate came home from jail. My roommate is my ex boyfriend. He broke up with me in February of 2017 and we continued living together and have been staying the same apartment since then. Ever since he came back, I have been depressed and numb and sad and angry and hurt. Then, I thought I stopped feeling at all but the truth is that I felt so much I forced myself to stop caring and that's why I think I need to cut. I don't have control of anything right now and cutting is something I can choose to do when I want, where I want, how I want. I probably should also mention that my ex is a drug addict so I can't really move out because I would be worried about him all the time, and moving out would make things worse in my opinion. I'm not looking for any advice or anything just needed to put this down and tell some strangers. Thank you if you read this.

I don't really know what to tell you. I'm sorry you're going through this. I can understand it because I'm going through something similar when it comes to depression, not your situation. I also don't like when family and friends tell me to meditate or similar things because I know that is not what I need. In times like this you need someone to stand by you, lend an ear and listen to what you tell them, hug and comfort you... not advice. Find a person in your life that you can count on in that way, surround yourself by people you love, because no matter how many virtual hugs and kisses I can send it's not the same.
I know you said you can't move out because you still worry about him, but you two are over, the relationship right now is obviously toxic. I don't care what other excuses you have for yourself, you need to take care of yourself, you are not in the position of caring for others. Leave.