Poet of the Fortnight #22: deeplydesturbed (Aug 4 - 18, 2018)

Deeplydesturbed has been randomly selected as our 22nd Poet of the Fortnight (PotF)! Deeplydesturbed (Naomi) is a 28-year-old female living in Australia. She has been a member of PnQ since the spring of 2006 -- 12 years, wow!

Please welcome Dd to her own special thread, and be sure to read her latest poem posted just below, written only yesterday:

----
Making a fool of myself

Love, lust or just sex.
Why do I read into things
that aren’t even there?
----

Deeplydesturbed, please fill out this public survey when you find time. You can pass any question/prompt in this thread, just write "Pass." I will ask 10 questions total throughout the next 2 weeks, and members of the community are encouraged to participate by asking questions of their own. Here's the survey:

Real name:
Meaning behind your PnQ name:
Birth place:
Languages spoken:
When you discovered PnQ and why you joined:
Favorite poet(s):
Book you are currently reading:
Song you last listened to:
Inspirations for writing:
5 truths about yourself:

At last Naomi, your time in the warm glow of PnQ.

You are star and I'm looking forward to keeping a close eye on this thread.

Enjoy! X

Jane thank you for such an excellent intro!!

Real name: Naomi
Meaning behind your PnQ name: I honestly cant remember..
Birth place: Adelaide Australia
Languages spoken: English, a few words of French and German thanks to school - but dont test me haha
When you discovered PnQ and why you joined: i discovered it during a very dark period in my life. I joined to vent.
Favorite poet(s): i dont have an absolute favourite. I love all poetry.
Book you are currently reading: one I wont put the title of here!! Haha so pass
Song you last listened to: Grandson - thoughts and prayers
Inspirations for writing: everyday life
5 truths about yourself:
I am a huge nerd..
I love animals (especially cats!).
I still live at home with my father and brother
I have tried to kill myself
I am an alcoholic

Mr Darcy - I do hope you jump in too.

Okay, so you love reading technical, x- rated books about cats over a glass or two of wine. Sorry, my jokes are enough to get anyone down!

Q 1. Do you follow or play any sport?

Q 2. Do you have a favourite cake and why?

Q 3. What was the last mentionable film you watched. Who was with you and did you eat snacks?

Q 4. What size shoe di you wear and are you a heels or boot girl?

Q 5. I'm at a theme park at the moment with my son. Do you like roller coasters or anything thrilling - keep it clean, Naomi :0)

Haha i actually read x rated books over a glass of wine with 2 cats on my lap.. haha theres a joke in there but im sure you can figure it out!

Q1 i follow AFL - go crows !! Although we have had a bad season. Aussie football is not soccer!!! Or rugby or gridiron.. its quite thrilling and can i suggest if you are into sport to youtube a game.

Q2 cake.. mmm thats hard.. pavlova or lamingtons. Why?! Simply because they are delicious.

Q3 i go to the movies a LOT.. last movie was with my brother. I had what i always have. Popcorn in a collectors bucket, diet coke and à choc mint choc top. Movie was Antman and The Wasp.

Q4 interesting qu. Im shoes in general. Depends on the outing. Work i wear flats because its easier.. heading out depends on where we are going. I def. Have a nice little collection of shoes.. EDIT: My shoe size is large haha a AU 9 or 10, depending on shoe. I can also fit into an AU8 Mens sneaker.

Q5 how exciting!! When i go to the USA in sept im going to both (hopefully) universal and disney!!! I have a fear of heights, however I will be on every ride!! I love it all.

"I am a huge nerd..
I love animals (especially cats!).
I still live at home with my father and brother
I have tried to kill myself
I am an alcoholic"

I admire your honesty and openness with us.

Question #1: What are your relationships with your brother and father like?
Question #2: What are any six things you like about yourself? Three things you dislike about yourself that are within your power to change? Big or small.
Question #3: What are your cats names, how old are they, what do they look like, and can you describe their personalities? :3

Jane - thank you, I believe if your honest from the begining people will understand your writing a lot more.

Q1 my brother and I are close, but not as close as we were growing up. Theres some context I believe you all should know. I have 5 siblings. And older brother whom moved out at the age of 14, then myself, then Ryan, then 3 girls. Our father worked extremely hard to give us everything. I only have fond memories of him while I was little. When my last sibling came along I was 10. By this time, i was the built in babysitter basically. So she stayed in my room. I got up in the middle of the night, changed diapers, fed bottles, etc. Ryan and I used to escape the craziness by going to the cinema. A lot. It was always us two hanging out. we even ended up working in the same mcdonalds as teenagers. Had the same friends etc. And the only thing thats changed is we now have partners and hang out a little less. we do still have a family dinner night just the 3 of us. dad ryan and myself.
Dad is still a hard worker. still giving all his children (when my parents divorced my mother took the 3 girls) whatever they need. He has hired ryan as a worker so they work together. Sorry im blabbering. we are extremely close. They can be a little over protective but i suppose thats normal.

2. I honestly dont think i can say 6 things i like about myself.
Id say I get my work ethic from dad for sure..
Secondly - kids look away- my boobs. I was blessed with nice ones.
And thats about it. I may come back and edit as i consider it further..
3 things i hate - my alcoholism. I wish i could give it up and was stronger willed to do so, but it seems the never ending battle..
My body overall - i suppose this is somethibg we all face. We want to change our hair or be thinner or inject ourselves with botox..
Lastly - my hate of needles.. i wish i didnt mind them as ive always wanted a tattoo.. its an odd thing, but there it is.
These 3 things are all things within my power to change and i do work on them, just not there yet!

3.. ah my favourite subject.. my girls.. Princess and Jinx.. they are 15 years old in human years. I have had them since they were 6 weeks old. Adopted from the local shelter as rescues. We got 2 because my mother fell in love with jinx, and i loved princess.. they were the only 2 in the cage and i didnt want to leave her all alone
I promised to work to pay for everything for her and i still do.

Princess is a short haired domestic tabby. she loves people.. she loves meeting new people. she will purr and jump up for a cuddle on your lap.. she will also steal your food if your not careful. She will spend the night curled up right next to your face purring.. she is a stunning cat. She also knows what you need from her. If you need a cuddle she will give it. she lets ryan carry her around he house cradled like a baby and purrs.

Jinx is a little more shy, however once she knows your okay, she is also very social. She is a tortoiseshell colour but also classed as a domestic long haired. She is a little fatter than princess and a little lazier. She will jump up on your shoulders for a free ride from room to room. she will be at your feet where ever you are. If your in the bathroom she sits by the door. she also tries to get in the shower with us.. she will flop down and grab your hand with her paw for belly rubs.. as for sleeping she prefers to be near the feet more the face nd if noone is home she will curl up with her sister.

They are both very spoilt, get lots of treats. In winter they have a huge log on the fire so they can keep warm - even if noones home.. they both know "shake" "sit" and "jump up" for a treat..

I could honestly go on haha sorry!!!

Hi deeplydesturbed, glad to see your in the spotlight. My question is do you ever tire of living in Adelaide? Wouldn't a city like Melbourne - for example, be a nice change?

Marky - you can ask anyone, I have wanted to live in Melbourne for many years.
Id love to move there

Naomi,

Nice to finally put a name to the writing. I remember reading your writing as a sophmore in highschool back in '06, and feeling glad. Not that you were feeling as you were, but glad that someone else was going through what I was. Forgive me for not reaching out then and giving you the same, I wasn't really in a good place then... I had just lost a close friend.

What got you through it? What gets you through the bad times? For me is was writing, barely, now its my daughters.

And I can add to your list of things you should like about yourself. 1) you have a delicious sense of humor, "I was blessed with nice ones.. " 2) you are a great and emotive writer. 3) you are honest, brutally so.

Tony - im glad you recall my writing from back then and you felt you could connect. I have often gone back and looked at my original pieces and seen how much i have grown..

What got me through? Being drunk and self harm.
What gets me through now? Still drinking. and this site / friends. through this site i have made lifelong friends.. one even introduced me to xbox gaming - which i am forever grateful.. it certainly helps..

And thank you for the additions.
Very much appreciated.

Whats your writing process like? Do you plan it out? Do you write as it comes to you? Where do you write (I realize now you may not "write" at all, you could type lol). Do you have a special place you go, maybe a sentimental notebook? I tan my own leather and bind my notebooks myself. I even have a quill I write with... its not as pretentious as it sounds I promise, but it helps me get into the right frame of mind.

Not at all pretentious!! I actually think thats kind of cool and have imagined Benny (the sonnet king!) doing the same haha!!

Excellent questions by the way.

Process - basically many of my pieces are rushed, purely because thats how i write. If i spend time thinking about it and layout and rhyming and such, I tend to overthink and end up just deleting it.
Planing - no way, just spur of the moment really.
Where do I type / write - I write it on my PC and save it in word docs then post. anything i dont like - deleted instantly.
As for a place, not really. Its just wherever I am at the time. In the older days - while I was struggling, I would take off to write. I would go to a little corner and actually have a book i used (which is long been burnt - but thats a story initself!)

Burning notebooks... I have one burried at the base of this old weeping willow at a small pond I used to haunt when I needed to be alone. Therapist told me not to bury my issues but it felt great, wish I could say I burried my anger but I still need him.

Does the world fall away when you write or are you easily distracted? What's your criterion for liking your own writing? Does it need to convey a particular message?

I once had a cat who thought he was a dog. His name was Jack Jack. Jack or JJ for short. He took showers with me, we went on walks, and I didn't buy litter because he only went outside. About the only thing cat like he did was share my clam chowder... I use the term share loosely. Do your cats do anything out of the ordinary?

Tony - burying issues would be so much easier wouldnt it!!!

I am very easily distracted when doing anything including writing.
My criteria is just if it feels right. Its hard to explain, but when looking at a piece I will try to look at it from others eyes and see what they take from it.. if it just feels like nonsense no matter how i view it - it gets cut.
Not all my pieces need to have a message. Many are just rants or feelings..

Jack jack sounds amazing. My girls are indoor - so includes changing kitty litter.. they do walk on the lead, i suppose cat wise out of the ordinary - they love people. Cats have a bad name for being, well bastards haha
Mine are very social. they sleep like people woth pillows and blankets, eat off a fork, sit on command (most the time).. i suppose these may be out of the ordinary haha.

Naomi I'm so pleased to see you have your own thread.....
I like Tony remember reading your stuff way back when and wishing to myself that I could reach out to you but feeling ashamed that I couldn't because I was going through similar issues.

Anyway to the questions.
If there was anything you could change wold you and risk anything good changing with it too?
If you could to back in time to an era which would it be and why?
If you were stranded on a desert island what 3 items would you definitely have with you and what 3 items would you wish you had taken with you and why?

I absolutely love how honest you are and I truly hope that things ease for you. Alcoholism isn't easy to overcome and still nowadays I have set backs but I promise you it does ease, it does get better. Much love xx

Em - excellent to hear you were also reading back then!I never knew that :)

Changes - have always had difficulty with change. However, Id like to change the city I live in.. the good id be giving up is my family and stuff
Back to an era.. wow. interesting question! Id possibly go back to the victorian era. In england. Just the roamnce from this era and the poetry..

3 items.. my cats.. hopefully they class as 1 item, if not 2. And an empty book and pen. Have to keep the writing up.

Thank you for your kind words :)

Nams! How wonderful, your own post! I too have always enjoyed your poems, they are honest, brutally so at times but heartfelt. It's not easy to bare yourself but you do and we all appreciate it. I too have kitties. I add an s to that, we just got a little Male. His name is Loki (very fitting). Hes beige and white and looks like he'll have long hair. Mufen was quite put out for about a week but shes getting better. Hes a love bug.
You have traveled extensively, is there any place you haven't been that you want to go to or someplace you would love to go back to? Favorite colors? Favorite foods? Hugs my dear-

Thank you Brenda !!! Excellent name for a kittie haha!!

Where do i want to go- Europe. Id love to see England and ireland and Italy and all the other amazing places.. and always japan. I love Japan extensively. and even being there twice I still want to go back.

Favourite colour is green.

Favourite food - this changes a bit. Depends on weather or mood. however i feel sushi would be the top. I tend to have it at least 3 times a week at the sushi train haha !!

Thank you Brenda :)

You have to go to Korea. Go to Sol and anywhere south of that... breathtaking.

Thank you Tony - I will look into it :)

Ms deeplydesturbed, what poem of yours is your favorite? I often revisit your 'running wild and free'. Second question is was the sensations of peace and freedom described therein, something you have ever felt...or was it a dream/daydream?

Marky - Excellent questions!
Of mine, I like smudged ink. I felt this was my most down point in my life, writing almost an online suicide letter. Just the emotions felt while writing and I do often go back and read it on down days, to remind myself where I have come from. I have hit rock bottom, and I have survived. Im not sure how, but I did it.

Running wild and free is a much lighter poem. One I suppose I dont give myself enough credit for. It was something I felt. Where I live, I have a huge oval across the road, and lots of parklands near by including a stream. One day i decided to go out and just enjoy it... I layed in the grass, I ran across the fields, i even did have a nap there...
Possibly not safe, but it was an amazing feeling. Something I know I will feel again some day, its just going to take time.

Thank you for asking. Im glad you revisit :) Its good to know just one of my poems is often looked to for happiness. :)

I thought they were excellent questions as well.

I am very glad you are happy with your questions! I do hope you have more you can think of.
Although, I doubt you can top those two (hahaha)

Are there any poems on this site you find yourself revisiting?

Tony, there are many poems I go back and revisit.
Mostly, anything on my favourites list i have read many many times.

I dont have a favourite out of those, they are all so amazing..

Naomi, you’ve described yourself as an alcoholic several times. I have questions about that but if they are too personal and you do not want to answer them I will understand.

1 given that a clinical diagnosis for abuse of any substance must include that it interferes with a vital part of your life (work, relationships or social interactions) do you mean this description? Or do you just mean you drink more than you’re comfortable with?

2 speaking as someone who drinks a lot but does not fit that clinical criteria, I enjoy the experience immensely; do you?

3 on another subject entirely, have you always had cats? Who were your past favorites?

4 if you won a billion dollars in the lottery and had to choose between (1) research into extending the lives of humans or (2) extending the lives of pets, which would you choose?

Larry - Excellent Questions!
I came into this and decided for myself i will answer every question no matter how difficult. I believe it is something I need to do.

1. I do wish I could change the alcoholic side of me. I do have benders where it interferes with my life. Socially I have managed to cut out all my past friends. I now receive random testing at the office due to turning up still under the influence a few times in the past.. I do regret this, and I value my job far too much now more than ever. Withm y relationship, it is very up and down. We have had times where we have split, due to my random drunk descisions. we are currently on, and I do find I drink less around him, but he distracts me a lot.

2. I enjoy the drinking as it is happening yes. However the next moring is usually regret..

3. Yes always had cats. And I cant simply pick a favourite. They have all had completely different personalilties and colouring. For example, my first cat my father got as a kitten when i was born. His name was Ginger Megs and he was obviously ginger, as a child i would pull him around the house across the floor boards to hear his nails scrath them. For some reason he just let me do it. I used to push him around in a doll pusher and when i went to school he would always wait by the front door for me to return home.. he passed when i was 11. Them mr biggles worth.. he was a white stray when we found him and i begged to keep him (say no to a 10 year old girl). he and gingher megs tollerated each other barely.. he hated people, however i have pictures of him snuggling into my arms at night. he was unfortunatly hit by a car and passed after a few short years.. Then Samatha and Leo.. both found as strays in the back yard and both welcomed in. however they faught far too much and both were very hostile towards my youngest sister so we had to give them up.. and now my girls.. (sorry! Long answer there haha - I am for sure a cat lady).

4. as bad as it sounds, I would extend the life of pets... I believe humans are supposed to be here for as long as we are and live a full life, and im sure eventually we will find a way to do this on our own... Pets deserve a longer life.. we should be able to love them and see them be healthy for longer.. I am not looking forward to when mine are too old to play..

I admire your candor and am happy you are actively working to control your life.

As for cats, that answer is not long at all. If I were to name all my cats it would be a long thread, but I've been at it three times longer. Which is why I don't think your research choice is bad at all. 12 to 16 years for cats and dogs to live is just too short!

I can see that research leading to a "Planet of the Apes" reality... but with bipedal cats that keep us as pets. We are tolerated solely to operate laser pointers and to clean the litter.

And to scratch behind their ears

Just crashing your post, N, to say I love you! As a friend I should read this all with my eyes glued to the screen, but also as a friend I just enjoy knowing you from our encounters and shall keep it that way :)

Tony & Larry - I think this would be fantastic haha (as a Cat Lover)..
S - I love you too x also I enjoy our random chats on Xbox and snapchat xx

"as bad as it sounds, I would extend the life of pets... I believe humans are supposed to be here for as long as we are and live a full life, and im sure eventually we will find a way to do this on our own... Pets deserve a longer life.. we should be able to love them and see them be healthy for longer.. I am not looking forward to when mine are too old to play.."

I would choose the same a thousand times over! What I would give to never have to say goodbye to my fur babies.

Question #4: If your home and everything in it burned to the ground (all people and animals are safe) and you could wave a magic wand and bring back 5 items that you lost, what would they be?
Question #5: What two questions would you ask to get the most information about who a person truly is? Then answer them :)
Question #6: What do you wholeheartedly believe in without needing any empirical evidence? God? Ghosts? Star signs? Magic? Horoscopes? Karma? Reincarnation? Heaven? That people are innately good or evil? Any of these things, or none?

Jane Excellent Questions!

Question #4: If your home and everything in it burned to the ground (all people and animals are safe) and you could wave a magic wand and bring back 5 items that you lost, what would they be?
So If everyone is safe, I suppose Im left with Materialistic Items. These are possibly the things I would bring back..
- Xbox for sure
- Hair Straightener
- Pop Vinyl collection
-Figurines
-Jewellery

Question #5: What two questions would you ask to get the most information about who a person truly is? Then answer them :)

I would possibly ask them something light hearted so they arent too suspicious of the fact im trying to pry information from them (if this makes sense haha)
So I would possibly ask them to tell me about their family (which I suppose ive answered previously), The other thing I would ask is about their work / social life. Just to see if they have kept a job (are into commitment or just breezing along), and if they are social or prefer to be alone (nothing wrong with either of these).
An answer to this, I suppose my work life is chaotic to say the least. Working 2 jobs, 9-5 as admin and 5-9 (or 10) as an office cleaner. I have been in my current position for 7 years. so Long time i suppose.. However am looking to change as the daily grind is getting to me and it started as a job i enjoyed, but has turned into more of a chore..

Question #6: What do you wholeheartedly believe in without needing any empirical evidence? God? Ghosts? Star signs? Magic? Horoscopes? Karma? Reincarnation? Heaven? That people are innately good or evil? Any of these things, or none?
Excellent question. I suppose i believe in some sort of spirit world.. I also believe there is genuine evil in this world. Whether it is people, or some sort of devil inflicting influence, who knows...

5 Favorite Xbox games?

What sort of figurines do you collect?

5 favourite Xbox Games..
HRMMMM ... To be honest I suck at all games haha !! I purely do it because A) S got me the Xbox so we can chat a LOT more and b) so we can game together..
I have only had it since Novemberish / Decemberish...

so my favourite so far would be
Halo (MCC)
GTA 5
Fortnight
Far Cry (latest one)
Assassins Creeds ( Ive started some of them and enjoy them.)

Figurines - I like the Marvel and DC ones, however they are expensive.... So I only have a few (if you ever want to know what to get me as a gift hahahaha!!!)
I have some from my trip to japan, so some weird Anime ones which I found too funny not to buy (for example a larger man in a school girl outfit) , The Matrix ( I have a Neo) and a few other Walking Dead / Harry Potter ones, and a few star wars ones..
I suppose I collect a lot of things haha

Good games all, I'm a huge roleplayer so Skyrim and Fallout are on my list. Also enjoy painting miniatures, almost as much as I enjoy writing. You sound like a candidate for Dungeons and Dragons... don't knock it till you try it. Believe it or not its made me a better writer.

Have you ever tried your hand at any other forms of creative writing or is it strictly poetry?

Tony - i dont have skyrim but i have fallout.
I never really got into it..
Same with dungeons and dragons.. i suppose i dont have the patience for it..

Other creative writing yes. However just some short stories (not love letters) which are normally exchanged between lovers.. haha