Poet of the Fortnight #22: deeplydesturbed (Aug 4 - 18, 2018)

Great to see you have your page at last. Some really interesting questions and answers. I have three questions for you.. What is the happiest memory you have, Where do you imagine yourself in five years time and what has been your most funniest experience?

If you could make a plan for the next five years what would it be and if you could have one wish come true what would it be? All my best wishes Milly x

Milly excellent questions!!!

1. Happiest memory is probably my 10th bday.. my father got me a bunch of flowers (my first) a proper ring from a jeweller and $1000 spending on whatever I wanted...
I only spent maybe $100 as I knew it was a lot of money we couldnt afford to blow on nonsense.. still it was a beautiful idea..

2. 5 years.. wow thats a long time. to be honest im not sure what the future holds. i tend not to imagine that far ahead as we dont know what tomorrow holds.

3. Funniest experience.. hrm. I honestly dont know. i suppose i will come back to this..

4. Plan for 5 years - again im not sure.. im quite happy with just focusing on the now. The most ive though ahead to is this trip to the USA.. and thats fast approaching..

5. If i could have one wish - it would be for someone close to me (my best friend) to have true happiness.. if its in the form of love, or money, or both, so be it. i want them to experience life with true happiness.

Hello Miss Nams.

Such an open and honest thread, and thank you for sharing some of your life here. I admire your writing, which again has always been delivered with openness. I have worked with you on collaborations, and always enjoyed reading your work :)

My questions are:

Were you into insects and as a young Nam?
If so do you have a favourite insect?

Your love for cats, goes without say. do you feel the different 'colours' of cats have meanings?

I wish you all the best, and much love
Michael x

Michael
Thankyou for your kind words..
Interesting questions.

1. Insects.. i was a bit of a tomboy as a child. Lots of digging, lots of fishing, lots of outdoors.. insects, i collected caterpillars. I liked watching them change to butterflys.

2. Cat colours.. very insightful... ive honestly never thought of it.. they could i suppose.. :)

Good morning. It's 06.30 here. :)

Question time:

1. If your life story was made into a film which actors would play the main roles and why?

2. You mentioned that you're a tom boy. As a child did you ever do any of the following:
- pull legs off spiders
- burn anything with a magnifying glass
- climb trees
- fight
- arm wrestle
- any other you'd care to reveal?

3. I'm a bit of a practical joker. What jokes have you played on others? Have you ever had a prank/joke played on you?

4. I like to sing, but I'm not very good. Can you sing and how well?

5. Describe a rainbow in order of colours using your choice of herbs and spices.

Good Morning Mr Darcy!!!

1. If your life story was made into a film which actors would play the main roles and why?
Oh my - this is very interesting!! I think they would be played by Hannah Gatsby.. (i think thats how you spell it) im just that same kind of awkward in real life and blunt. As for my father, Id be killed if i didnt say Keanue Reeves (his favourite). and the bro i suppose i see him as an Andrew Lincoln character. Just funny, but can be serious at times..

2. You mentioned that you're a tom boy. As a child did you ever do any of the following:
- pull legs off spiders - Yes
- burn anything with a magnifying glass - Yes (ants)
- climb trees - Yes
- fight - GOD YES haha - physical and with words
- arm wrestle - yes
- any other you'd care to reveal?
* fishing with the boys a lot
* camping - as in a swag on the ground
* peeing behind trees on the side of the road
* i played basketball (only girl on the team)
* video games
* fireworks - we used to be legally allowed to let them off
* played in the cubby house
* went to the creek and stomped around

3. I'm a bit of a practical joker. What jokes have you played on others? Have you ever had a prank/joke played on you?
oh my - I loveeeee jokes haha I honestly cant remember the last time i played a joke on someone or even what it was... And i have had pranks played on me a lot by the bro when i was little, but nothing extreme that i can recall.

4. I like to sing, but I'm not very good. Can you sing and how well?
hehe i can imagine you singing in the shower, cats yeowing at the door ;) (kidding of course) I also cant sing, however belt out the tunes on the way to work or in the car haha Sometimes we all need to sing..

5. Describe a rainbow in order of colours using your choice of herbs and spices.
oh.. very interesting.. I had to google the colours of the rainbow to find the order they go in haha!!!
First herb / spice that comes to mind when i see these colours are:

Red - Chilli for sure...
Orange - reminds me of cheyenne Peppers.
Yellow - Reminds me of lemons, which reminds me of lemon myrtle
Green - Parsley. as soon as i think green i think of parsley haha
Blue - reminds me of berries. which arent a herb or spice, but the tree they grow on also has those little leaves that look like mint leaves... Soooo this would be mint...
Indigo - reminds me of a tea i once had with (and i may be wrong here) indigo bark in it.. Im not even sure if its purple.. Hang on a tick, I shall google... Oh back, yep, indigo root / bark.. and it is actually indigo.. there you go.. something new every day...
Purple - reminds me of lavender.. I suppose this isnt a herb or spice, more of a flower, but thats just what it reminds me of...

:) Hope you are well x

Great answers :0)
You really are a tom boy, peeing behind trees and everything! Lol

As for the herb, spice and fruit rainbow.. I loved it! Chow time :p
Xx

haha yes! tomboy for sure...

And glad you enjoyed the answers :)

Ok, Elon Musk persuaded you to test his new rocket but mid way through an accident happens and you wind up on a one-way trip to Mars

1) what are you final messages back to Earth?
2) What will you feel are the most unfinished businesses you left behind?
3) What self-help Rescue’s would you attempt?

Larry
Excellent scenario!!!

1) I would say goodbye to dad, bro, patrick, and my cats.. I would want to make sure they are all looked after..

2) unfinished business.. interesting.. possibly travel. Id love to see the world (and not just blobs from space)..

3) self help rescues.. well i suppose id be that idiot who presses every button trying to fix it. Haha then id try them all in different order (who knows if a certain combination works!!) . Third id look for some sort of escape pod.. surely it would have one or a shoot I can jump from wearing a space suit..
Lastly - id try to find a manuel of some sorts. See if there is an emergency booklet or procedure brochure of some sort..

Hope these are insightful answers.. :)

Interesting answers. I, too, was considered a tomboy while growing up. Now I just like to think I was being me and there didn't need to be a term that put me in a box, neat and tidy. After coming to the realization that I can like what I like even if it doesn't always fit into a cookie-cutter stereotype, I am much happier. For instance: My parents were visiting this weekend and my dad and I built a brew sculpture (boyfriend and I brew beer). I was wearing a flowery dress (with shorts underneath) while using power tools and covered in sweat and sawdust. Later, I wore a baggy t-shirt and sweat pants while my mom taught me to use my new sewing machine. Anyway, the conversation about "tomboys" made me think on this and now I have questions for you :)

Question #7: Were you ever bullied? Have you ever been pressured to be more stereotypically feminine or masculine? Do you feel free to be who you are, or do you feel you have to hide certain interests because it wouldn't fit into how others view you? Yes, that's a series of questions, not a single question lol. Feel free to answer however you like. The questions are just prompts.
Question #8: How have you changed significantly throughout the years? Would a friend from 10 years ago (who hadn't seen you this past decade) be surprised to discover who you are now? How do you see yourself changing in the next 10 years? Make a guess :)

Wow!

You just confirmed your tomboy credentials big time:
Like guys, you look at the manual (directions) LAST!

Love it!

haha Larry!! I def. do not like looking at the manual last. I like to figure it out on my own haha

Jane - Excellent! I too would possibly build something in a dress haha !

Q7 - I have been bullied my entire life. From weight, to face, to name, to being "poor", having too big a family, drive a crappy car, dont dress appropriately for a girl.. everything. I feel when i was little i was pressured into being more feminine.. my mother dressing me in dresses, cutting my hair a certain way, making me eat certain things... Do i feel free to be who i am? No.. There are a lot of aspects I hide from the world. There is very few people who know the "real" me. I dont often let her out of the box and into the world. For example, the bf doesnt know I write poetry..I showed it to him once and he just laughed it off and started making a bit of fun. So I have kept that a secret.. which is how I want it to stay.. The dad and bro also dont know certain things about my sexuality due to the fact they havent had the best influence from women in their lives and would not understand.. Other little things I hide, I suppose Ive hidden away for so long and so well, I dont even know what they are. I do know they can appear while I'm drunk.. So this may be able to be answered by Stephen.. (help ? haha)

Q8. Changes... Well my writing has improved.. My depression seems to be under control most days (although we still have bad days am I right...).. I have less Anxiety attacks, the more I socialise (which isnt as often as it should be).. A friend from a decade ago. To be honest, I didnt have friends growing up. The bro was my best friend.. the bullying was so bad, I was the weird kid, the fat kid, the loner, the loser, the teachers pet.. It pushed my limits to the max - to points in my life I dont want to admit (however I suppose i should let it out). The people who saw me back then, I have (for closure) reached out to a few on social media. They were exactly the same. The bullies.. So I dont keep a facebook, I keep everything I do have anon or just cat related. I suppose some people are just bullies their entire lives..
10 years from now.. Well I would like to have travelled a lot more.. Hopefully moved out of home (maybe), and have more friends. Id like to have improved in writing, cooking, and gaming.
Maybe even live in a brand new city. Id love to be in Melbourne or even in a different country.. :)

Okay so further to Q7 - with the help of Stephen, I hide my kindness... This is someone who has seen me at my lowest, darkest, happiest, drunkest, soberest, nastiest, selfishest (is this a word?!), and has still managed to be a great friend.. Through it all, so in the words of him

"I'd say you hide away your kindness. You've convinced yourself so well that you're deplorable and selfish and that even good things you do for yourself. You do good things because you force yourself to be a good person, and even people who think youre words are C***y or rude are unaware that your kindness is in play there as well. You try to be that honest person because there's such little honesty in the world, you're doing them a favour by that.
You don't hide too much though"

So S - thank you so so so much. I love you and treasure our friendship above all else, and I suppose I'm glad you see something even I don't. I can not wait to meet, and hope we may share many laughs (drunken and sober) together.

"For example, the bf doesnt know I write poetry..I showed it to him once and he just laughed it off and started making a bit of fun. So I have kept that a secret.. which is how I want it to stay.."
I'm really sorry he laughed. I think you should tell him you write poetry and it's a big part of who you are and it hurt your feelings that he laughed when you tried to show that part of you to him. He might surprise you by being supportive and apologizing for unintentionally wounding your feelings. I remember an ex recorded a song for me and showed it to me and I laughed because I was so surprised -- wrong reaction. It hurt him, he never let me listen to it again, and he never forgave me. That must've been a decade ago now and I still think about it and wish I had reacted appropriately. I did apologize profusely, but so it goes.
I'm also sorry you've experienced so much bullying... that's really awful. To the extent I've been bullied, I realize how it can indefinitely damage one's confidence and sense of self worth and ability to trust, etc.

Question #9: If you had to choose 3 songs to express who you are as a person at this very moment, which would you choose?
Question #10: Do you have any idiosyncrasies or little quirks? What are they?

Oh my - what an experience. I'm sorry it still sits with you. Im sorry he never forgave you.
As for the bullying, i suppose you just get used to it (as sad as it sounds), it becomes every day life.

Oh my the last 2 questions... I will start by saying this has been a fantastic experience. I have enjoyed every question. I do hope you all have learnt something new about me and if you have anything else, im always happy to chat with anyone!
Thank you Jane for starting the POTF, It has been fantastic learning about everyone on a more personal level.

Q9 - 3 songs.. hrm interesting because there are so many out there..

Everybodys fool by Evanescence - mainly because I allow certain people to only see certain sides of me.. very few have seen the full me. which like in the song, I have managed to fool some people into thinking im this person when thats just 1 piece of me.

Battlefield by Jordan Sparks - I realise this is about a relationship thats full of fights and everything else. However from this song, this is like my internal battle. my battle with mental issues (depression, anxiety) and addiction (alcohol). It is constantly a battle between me and the bottle..

Despicable by Grandson - I listen to this and I feel like it is almost a suicide song. (It may not be who knows) However I feel the opening first few lines sums me up perfectly..

The goodbye is the hardest part
When we find ourselves back at the start
But I'm not so brave, and I'm not so smart

This to me can be taken in may ways again.. Saying goodbye to family, friends, a lover, an addiction. This sums me up. Im always finding myself back at the begining of falling off the band wagon. Im not smart about it. Im def. not brave. I just keep going back to the begining.

Q10. I do. I have a few, but cant think of them all right now. The one I can think of is - if I start a tv show or movie, I need to finish it. It could be the worst thing in the world, but I need to sit there and watch the entire thing. I cant leave it halfway through.
For this reason, I have watched a lot of shitty shows / movies haha. Its almost a little OCD (almost). My other half offers to turn it off or change it, but I have to finish it.

Thank you again Jane and everyone for all the fantastic questions :)

I would argue that you are not just brave, but very brave. It takes courage to put yourself out there and be completely honest with yourself and with others, which I believe you have done in this thread (even though I think you're too hard on yourself). You have been entirely open and I only wish you thought more highly of yourself! You are a smart, introspective, thoughtful, and imaginative person. You have an addiction -- drinking -- but that doesn't somehow eliminate all of your wonderful qualities. Also, acknowledging that you have a bad relationship with alcohol means you're in the contemplation stage. Even if you stay there for awhile, you've taken one step forward (out of the pre-contemplation stage). That's progress. I really enjoyed getting to know you in this thread :) Thank you for your time and commitment! You're a rock star, Naomi.

-Jane

Thank you Jane :)