Opening the conversation about mental health

Hi all! As some of you may or may not know from my poetry, I have been struggling with depression for most of my life.

Poetry was my saviour and pnq gave me the platform to find a home where I could be myself without shame. Although I've always written under a pseudonym on this website, this was always the safest place for me to express my struggles.

The years I spent on this website has shown me that I am not alone. You all pour your hearts out in your poetry or even on the forums. Noura's thread from a few months back showed how pnq is full of fighters: https://www.poems-and-quotes.com/threads/147352. Despite our struggles, you have all become wonderful people and that's something I wish the world would see more often. That struggling with mental health doesn't equal weakness or failure.

So a few weeks back I obtained my master's degree. This did not come easy to me, juggling therapy and antidepressants with my final dissertation. Thankfully, I came out of it alive despite considering quitting multiple times. I therefore decided to use this moment to raise awareness about mental health. I want the world to know that people with mental health struggles are strong in their own way and that it's okay to be vulnerable about it. I also wanted the world to know that things are not always the way they seem; no matter how 'successful' a person seems, there might be a lot of invisible struggles and hard work underneath. People are always shocked when I tell them I'm depressed and they don't understand why... Telling me to just be grateful and dismissing years of trauma I went through to become the person I am today.

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To raise awareness and break the taboo, I've decided to run a half marathon in the name of mental health. I'm actively campaigning to share my story at the moment and also fundraising for a mental health charity in the UK (Mind). It would mean the world if you could consider supporting me in this cause or just sharing it. Every penny counts:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/run-for-mental-health-cynthia-fundraiser

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I also guess that after all these years you guys finally get to see my face, hear my voice and know my name :p I've gone from being Luna Blue to Mera Luna to The Huntress to Saerelune on this website.. And Cintze on instagram. Many of you still called me Luna for a long time, now I'm just Cynthia. Exposing yourself to the world is always scary, but I do think it's worth it to drive change.

P.S: I know it's not usual to post fundraisers on this website, not sure if it's okay. All proceeds will be donated to charity, so there's no personal gain here. Nonetheless, let me know @mods if there's a problem.

Thank you so much for sharing, YOU are so inspiring!!!

Saerelune,

The mods have all conferred and we all agree that in this instance your Go Fund Me is a worthy exception to the rule against personal links and fund raisers. Bless you for sharing your trials and struggle and congratulations for suffering through to get your Masters (no easy feat at all!).

Good luck in both your charitable fund raising and your run. Most of all, may you find that all your struggles are both challenging and rewarding.

You go, Cynthia! Congratulations on all that you’ve accomplished despite the heavy weight of depression, which makes your accomplishments even more impressive if that’s possible. Thank you for your bravery and your positive contributions to the world. I will absolutely donate to your gofundme! I’m also happy to venmo a contribution to avoid fees taken out, but that’s up to you :)

@Star: Thank you so much. :) I believe we are all inspiring in our own way here. Poetry - despite its Instagram popularity - can still be considered an 'unusual' hobby. This site is not the fanciest, it's small and quirky... but that's what I love about it. Even if I am not directly interacting with everyone on this website I feel like I know most people on here.

@Larry: I am honoured that the mods have considered this exception. Really grateful! It's been a long journey for me, both psychologically and educationally... but I feel like I am finally understanding myself better and who I want to be, rather than letting my struggles define who I can or cannot be!

@Jane: Ha, quite funny to have you guys call me by my real name now, but it's kind of nice. I am still figuring out how to merge my 'professional self' and 'poet self'. Thank you so much that you're considering supporting my fundraiser! I have no clue what venmo is haha but the fees on GoFundMe aren't bad, so if you can just donate there it would be great!

Sounds good! Will do. I’m happy to call you Cynthia or Saerelune, or anything you prefer.

What you’ve been through, what you have accomplished and who you are is really amazing and thats what is inspiring I wasnt referring to poetry. Not that your poetry isnt ^_^
Btw congratulations on your Masters!

“ This site is not the fanciest, it's small and quirky... but that's what I love about it. Even if I am not directly interacting with everyone on this website I feel like I know most people on here.”
^
Believe me I know what you mean!!!

Larry already spoke on everyone's behalf and I won't repeat what the others said either. I 2nd Jane and would definitely contribute my way. I have not posted in the other threads over these issues but I want you to know that I for one, I hear you very well. I know what it takes to finish your studies and higher studies or even accomplish anything while struggling with depression..by the time getting out of bed and getting a glass of water might at times be such a challenge. I do not wish to elaborate uselessly or take this thread elsewhere but I really hope you know that some of us won't just support the cause but also feel you and understand you very well. Yes, it is brave and you are brave.

Thank you for this thread as well.

@Jane: Haha Cynthia is just fine. Thanks again for your contribution! I'm getting so close to my goal, never thought I'd receive this amount of support. At first I was thinking even a 500 euro target would've been too much. :O

@Star: Aww thanks, you're very sweet.

@Rania: Thanks so much, I have found that this website's members has a very high level of understanding and empathy when it comes to mental health struggles. Most people wouldn't even mention the struggles of 'simple' things such as getting out of bed, not realising it's truly a struggle for some of us!

Belinda, my paralegal some 20 years ago, developed a severe depression punctuated with panic attacks. She struggled to get out of bed but forced herself to drop her children off at school and then she would go to a local park and sit in her car for hours until it was time to pick them up again.

I had several bouts of depression over the years. I’d like to say I don’t suffer any more but I’m too superstitious for hubris.

Please know how incredibly proud I am of you, and also, how inspirational and brave you are. Honored to know you on this site and through your poetry, and you have such a beautiful soul to share your story and mental health journey. Therapy is indeed hard work, and sometimes, just getting by every day. Congrats on your Masters and thank you for sharing not only your voice, but a crucial message and reminder about mental health! Lots of love and support, always <3

Mera Luna! Now I remember you. That was your name on here when I left all those years ago. Congratulations on your Master's! That's an absolutely incredible achievement. I think most of us can understand what the struggles of depression are like, but to deal with the stresses of a Master's degree too - that's awesome. You should be so proud of yourself. :) I will absolutely donate.

@ Larry:
I can relate with the struggle of getting out of bed very well, thankfully, like with Belinda, it helps to have something to wake up for. Doesn't mean it doesn't take effort, though. I used to listen to meditation tracks every morning to ease the anxiety of facing the day before I could get out of bed, I can imagine that despite the motivation, it must've still been hard for Belinda.

Glad to hear you're suffering less these days, things do get better. Sometimes it feels like the depression may be a part of our lives forever but I think as we grow older we just learn how to deal with it.

@MaryAnne:
Thank you so much. Your encouragement means a lot to me, whether it's on this forum or on my poetry. It's quite funny how both of us have been on this website since we were 13/14 I think. We have both changed so much in our poetry and I think it also shows in the way we talk about things. You have been an equal inspiration to me, I hope life feels a bit more bearable for you these days.

@Daniel:
I wasn't quite sure but did you use to be Valedico? I thought I recognised your poetry style but it has also changed a tiny bit. :)

Thanks so much for your well wishes and that you're supporting my fundraiser! Means a lot to me to see so many people adding their voice to the conversation around mental health. It seems so relatable yet so invisible and unspoken of.