Weekly Contest Results 22 June 2020

Horrible events that shake the world in their profound universality are more rare than the local cyclone or death dealing mudslide. This Covid-19 pandemic has quarantined whole populations worldwide into virtual individual islands. The stark isolation resulting from this quarantining was embodied in many nominated poems and two of them caught the judge’s eyes: ripples across the ocean by hiraeth (Mark) and Homeland by Star. The third winner, Thin Blue Line by Kiko, actually reflects a direct result of the pandemic, for the racial bias in violence toward blacks by police has never been more sharply delineated than during this time when the pure NON-discriminate fear of the pandemic reached into each person’s soul and cried “Brother! I can’t breath!” After all, is that not deep down the very threat of the disease?

Front Page Winners
ripples across the ocean by hiraeth Points: 10+7= 17
Homeland by Star Points: 10
Thin Blue Line by Kiko Points: 10

Honorably Mentioned
Can you help me? by Daniel Points: 7
My Quote Your Poems by Scott Cole Points: 7
Mom… by Everlasting Points: 4
oil spill by Poet on the Piano Points: 4
We had to try by Ben Pickard Points: 4

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Comments

ripples across the ocean. by hiraeth Points: 7
I have read this poem multiple times now and its beauty strikes me with each read, most specifically in the concise, direct delivery of its message. The opening line - “trembling hands.” - is called back twice more in the poem with the mention of cupping water into one’s palms and very effectively pulls the reader in, hooks you as a good opening should. Like water, the poem flows wonderfully from line to line and stanza to stanza with ease. The line “I breathe in deeply and slowly” feels almost like an instruction for the reader: ‘breathe’. Though I personally thought changing out “the” with “my” in the next line might read more easily, the line itself - “the lungs fill with air that is very much salted with you” - is stunning and begins the string of water images that we are presented with throughout the poem. Further images that I found worked especially well - “heart ... gently crashing waves”, “ripple ... warm thoughts”, and “you cup the ocean ... you’d cup my heart”. This was a heartbreaking peace, but with hopefulness imbued in the ending. Simply a wonderfully written poem!

ripples across the ocean. by hiraeth Points: 10
“I am in love with the ambiance of this poem: serene, loving and slightly nostalgic. The words are simple yet the sentiments are rich. Hiraeth effectively used elements that are no stranger to poetry (the heart, the ocean, hands) but created something new out of them. His use of imagery reminds me of the tides: how it gets closer to the reader, halting for just a moment, then retreats into the ocean. First, the hands tremble, then these hands seem to be steady enough to cup cold water, but the cold water is attempted to be replaced by warm thoughts, ending with other hands cupping that same water again. The imagery has gone full circle, but changed ever-so slightly, passing on the story to the next persona. It makes me wonder what a second poem might be: who is this person at the other end of the ocean cupping Hiraeth’s heart through the ocean? It’s an effective story that pulls at the heart strings and leaves enough mystery to instil longing.”

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Homeland by Star Points: 10
The structure of this poem is a great asset to its overall impact. As you read, each line brings you to need the next one, as an answer to the previous: “I see your smile”, where? and then answered. “and I surrender”, to what? and then answered. This builds a steady pacing for the poem and allows for more fluid immersion into the piece. With the structure, the decision of where to end the third stanza, in a way, leaves the fourth stanza almost as a poem on its own. And that choice, I believe, more powerfully delivers the ending - “where its only moon is you”. Though not a long poem, we are presented with such glistening descriptions of the scene the poet is creating - “I see your smile”, “your luminous face”, “your glowing silence”. We know the subject by the end and feel the warmth of our journey’s closure in its final words. Fantastic write!

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Thin Blue Line by Kiko Points: 10
With some chilling similes - “like the blue uniforms of his executioners” - and metaphors - “To quell the flames of outrage and rebellion” - Kiko has perfectly encapsulated the single terrible event that was George Floyd’s murder and the ensuing atmosphere of rage that society worldwide has felt since. A marvelous write that is both thoroughly damning and extremely well delivered.

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Can you help me? by Daniel Points: 7
“The title and opening stanza of this poem suggests that the writer might be lost, or feeling powerless, perhaps slightly confused. It’s a sentiment that immediately connects due to its generalisability, and I love how this creates a stark contrast with the following stanzas. I am in awe with the rich details: it’s so meticulously laid out that the writer seems to be sharp and thoughtful… not as lost as the first stanza suggests. I love how each stanza seems to focus on a very different scene, although it makes sense to string them together. I can imagine the writer wandering through the streets aimlessly, noticing these things… it almost feels wholesome. The smell of bread, the beauty of laughter, the romance of bridges and canals. Yet the poem ends with the same sense of powerlessness as the opening stanza: as if the writer woke up from his idyllic promenade and realized all the riches of the world still can’t fill a certain emptiness inside. Reading this leaves the heart aching and questioning whether someone can help them.”

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My Quote Your Poems by Scott Cole Points: 7
Scott is one of the most popular and active members on this site. His comments come thick and fast and nominations for his fellow poets’ work come even faster. Aside from all that, he is a darn fine poet himself, accomplished both in rhyme and storytelling and never losing track of what he sets out to say. In this poem, he thanks all the writers on this special site who have given their time and scrawled their hearts out and affected him personally because of that. But he does it in a special way: as you read down the page, it is obvious that his thanks comes from a place of sensitivity and understanding that only a man who has suffered and scrawled his way through days and nights himself could possibly know. A true poet. I’m sure I am not alone in expressing my gratitude to you Scott for this gem of a poem.

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Mom… by Everlasting Points: 4
“There’s a certain air of child-like innocence in this poem which I like. The title immediately set the tone for this (using the word ‘mom’ as opposed to a more formal or adult-like ‘mother’). The poem then consists of only a few lines that are repeated, and they kind of remind me of a children’s song. The simple yet hard-hitting imagery of sinking right under the bright moon seems very fitting for a child to imagine… and then repeating that same thought again but imagining it from a mother’s perspective was brilliant and befitting of the persona. Especially when we are little children, we seem to think the world of our mothers; how they’re strong and resilient. The observation of ‘brokenness’ seems to suggest that the writer isn’t that little child in that poem anymore, perhaps it’s more so about the reminiscence, trying to draw strength from a past idol. Even though very few lines were used in this poem, of which most were repeated, it still managed to pull together a deep sense of sentimentality.”

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oil spill. by Poet on the Piano Points: 4
This poem ‘spills’ down the page with a terrible hopelessness and sadness but also with an overriding sense of frustration. Times really are tough and each of us deal with them as well as we can, but when they permeate your life to the extent that they seep into the sanctuary of your shower, then what left but to watch as your brain pools between your toes and finally escapes down the plughole?

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We had to try by Ben Pickard Points: 4
The mention of the guitar in this poem’s first line, perhaps unintentionally, fuels a wonderful musicality that runs through this piece. There is fantastic pacing in its readability and how each line flows quite nicely into the next. The line - “you placed your naked body beneath my broken heart” - is such a beautiful and evocative image. Following after the mention of tangoing to a broken guitar, I could almost envision the writer and the subject dancing to exhaustion, before collapsing. Of course, though, the mention of the broken heart fills you with the knowledge that this story does not have a happy ending. “We picnicked in the setting sun and pretended it wasn’t getting darker”. This line blew me away; what an incredible depiction of love fading - ignoring the signs that things are breaking down. Just a beautifully melancholic image. And the ending - the dissipation of love, the “night-time.” Heartbreaking. This was an absolutely splendid poem and a delight to read!

Some enchanting pieces this week.

Thank you so much Larry for posting!!
Thank you to the judges and the comment :)
Congratulations winners and HMs!

Congratulations Star, Mark, Kiko! Lovely variety on the front page as ever :)

Thanks Larry for hosting, and to the judges for their wonderful work & comment on my poem. Really appreciated.

Congrats to the Winners and HM's!
Thank you judges and thanks for hosting Larry.

Thank you! And congrats winners!

Well done to those highlighted and nominated and thank you so much to the judges for their time and for my comment.

Thank you judges for your lovely comments & for volunteering your time to be a judge :)

Congrats to all those who won and/or picked up a HM!

My (late) thanks to the judges, especially for the comment and HM. And many thanks to Larry, for hosting!