Do you ever think about your legacy?

With this pandemic going on, I think many of us are facing death more often than we are used to. I have personally philosophised about death since I was a kid but I think as I got older it started to have more meaning; i.e. the prospect of death meant having to leave a mark behind whilst alive, or else you'd be forgotten.

So lately I've been extending this thought into what I want to mean to the world. It's generally being a mental health advocate and climate activist; I'm trying to achieve both quite subtly through the corporate world but it feels like it's put me out of touch with the artist I always wanted to be... the published poet, or the spoken word artist that would talk about their experiences and help others through that. Someone that touches souls. Which is odd since I originally started writing to heal my own soul, not sure when this need for external validation seeped into my mindset. I still enjoy the act of writing mindlessly, but I feel like if I am going to publish my work it has to mean something to the world. Sometimes this restricts me. I dislike how most of my poems are depressing and therefore not very inspirational, which is probably why I never published a book yet... although I am aware that there's beauty in my darkness as well or the simple act of creating.

How about you? What do you wish your legacy would be, and does this affect your creativity in any way, if at all?

I really like this thread.
The way you view the concept of death is eye opening. I don’t know exactly how I view it, the only thing that I keep thinking about is how the people around death feel and worrying about them. This pandemic made me reflect on myself so much, but I never stopped and thought of it personally or what I would want to leave behind. Maybe it’s something I yet have to understand.

I really like the way you think of publishing, and basically saving a part of you. In my opinion some depressing writes are really inspiring. We realize we’re not alone.

I dont have much to say but this is interesting and got me thinking :)

I think whether we like to admit it or not, most great art comes from a pretty bleak place. So many of the most famous pieces of work - in all fields - are moving in the most heart-wrenching ways. I always like to think that everything comes with a balance, but when I look at the arts, I'm not so sure. Primarily, we are moved by melancholy. I think the kind of people who invest in art are not looking for inspiration - rather, understanding and something they can relate to which is often not all that jovial.

Dying of Covid is a very real risk to me due to my health issues and has made me think over recent months more deeply about what dying means to me. Whether or not I could cope with the invasive treatments at the hospital or just stay at home. How my body would be disposed of and what happens to all of my creative works once I'm gone?

I don't have children to pass down my possessions and when I am cremated there will be nothing of me left. I hate to think that when I am gone all of the hours of creative work will just be thrown away. It seems such a waste. So I have started on a plan to try and work out how to get my poetry put into printed book form. Either in a book to sell to help raise money for a local charity (all profits going to the charity) or just enough copies for family and friends. (Haven't quite worked out the details yet)

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Star!

"but I never stopped and thought of it personally or what I would want to leave behind. Maybe it’s something I yet have to understand."
^ I'm not sure if this works for everyone, but I am quite a goal-driven person sometimes and tend to want to save the world because of it haha... sometimes it helps to drive my life choices, making life more meaningful, but all has to be done in moderation of course.

"In my opinion some depressing writes are really inspiring. We realize we’re not alone."
^ I can resonate with that... I still remember the very first sad songs that made me feel less alone and inspired me to write my own poems.

@Ben, I really appreciate your nuanced perspective on this. I never thought of it that way, but indeed, a lot of wonderful artwork is based on melancholy. Understanding is sometimes so hard to get by when you're low, and artists make us connect with the feeling rather than rejecting it. Jovial inspiration, on the other hand, may be uplifting and wonderful... but perhaps not something we are always actively seeking when we want to feel like we belong.

@Milly, sorry to hear about your risks due to Covid. The questions you raised I've never considered before, it must be very tough. I hope you're well.

I love your idea of printing your poems, even if just for friends. I have a lot of my work stored digitally, not just poems but also things like drawings and photography. It would be sad to think of that just disappearing from the world.

Isolating in my house for three months hasn't been much different from my normal every day routine because I'm used to being stuck in bed or in the house for the majority of the time. Whats made it more difficult is trying to get medicine and food supplies delivered regularly and of course its been very tough on my husband because he's had to isolate with me. Our small dog has also learned to adapt and isolate with us (she has been daily exercising in the back garden and in the house).

The biggest struggle has been juggling changes to medication (where new ones issued have had adverse affects) and then having to chase up when the wrong medications have been issued. So lots of stress and many phone calls. Fortunately we have had a lovely volunteer who has fetched emergency medications and food and we managed to get enough food delivered from local shops to keep us going.

You never think you are old enough to die or you think that you have plenty of time but the Corona Virus shows that you really don't know how long you have so its important to prepare for it so that you don't leave a burden for other people to sort out when you are gone. Things like organising your last wishes with regards to funeral and possessions. Tying up lose ends before its too late. Talking to people and telling them how you feel about them before its too late. Its a sobering time we live in at the moment but I also think its a gift because it gives us the opportunity to reflect on our lives and legacies and make changes hopefully before its too late.

With regards to digital. I have dropped so many hard drives and laptop and lost so many of my files.(I never remember to do backups) I even tried saving poems to my phone but most of them have disappeared. So for me printed copies are the way forward.

I’m kind of a goal driven person as well, but sometimes it’s difficult to reach those goals. I’ve read somewhere, that sometimes the goal-driven people could stress and sometimes even fall into depression if they don’t achieve what they’re after. You are right all has to be done with moderation :)

I will just say this, I dont know you Milly, but from what I’ve seen here in P&Q you are a really inspiring woman. And as long as this website is up and working, your creative inspiring work won’t be lost!!!

Thank you Star for your lovely comments. They actually mean more than you could know.

The biggest gift we can give ourselves is not to beat ourselves up when we make mistakes or things go wrong and instead look at what we have achieved instead. xx

A few years ago, I was in a miserable situation. I was mentally devastated, physically exhausted and sick, and in a very hard, financial situation. Then someone showed up in my life. Not a lover or a friend, or a relative. They were almost a stranger, but insisted to help me.

Rented a room for me for six months, encouraged me to apply for college, saw potential in me, listened to me. Helped me in every way possible. And now, I'm completely independent. I'm so close to applying for a PhD. I have a family (my boyfriend, sister, puppy). I'm in a way better situation. And I had promised myself that if I ever was able to help someone in need, I wouldn't think twice.

I'm now teaching young orphans for free. Every Thursday in a church supported institute. I'm teaching them chemistry, like fun experiments and basics, English language, making soap, how to search for trusted info online...etc. I love them. They make me feel as if my life has a bigger purpose. The students also love me (both at the university and the institute). Which is what I want to leave behind. This much love. I want to be remembered as the "woman who helped people". I want to save lives, like mine had been saved. I know it sounds dramatic, but I mean it.

That's why I do as many voluntary work as I possibly can.

Also, my poetry. Even though not many people in real life knows about my poetry. But for those who do, I want to leave a small part of me with them.