Post-Pride Post!

Hi! Posting quite late on this since June was Pride Month and I honestly kept forgetting, but still wanted to wish everyone a happy Pride. (And thanks to Larry for the title idea haha).

__________________________________

Knowing the history of Pride and the importance of the Stonewall Riots in 1969:

There were tensions between police and the LGBTQ+ community in Greenwich Village, a neighborhood in NYC. The police raided the Stonewall Inn and demonstrations started for several times to protest discrimination against the community. This point in history served as a crucial starter to so many activist groups today and LGBTQ+ rights movements. Some notable leaders to remember and honor, but of course there are many more: Marsha P. Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, Raymond Castro, Danny Garvin, Stormé DeLarverie, and Miss Major Griffin-Gracy

https://www.history.com/pride

______________________________________________

Here are some LGBTQ+ resources to consider. Please feel free to add any links or media offer information and promote allyship or understanding.

HRC (Human Rights Campaign) has a helpful glossary of terms regarding gender and sexuality:

https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms

as well as more tools:

https://www.hrc.org/resources

https://www.glaad.org/resourcelist

____________________________

Some Youtubers and social media advocates I watch who are LGBTQ+ and make related content:
Jazz Jennings, Tyler Oakley, Dutchy, Jessie Paege, Macdoesit, Team2Moms, Lauren Elloise.

Feel free to add others to make their voices/stories known or share any LGBTQ+ films or novels that left an impact with you. I feel it can be hard to get proper representation without feeling like a character is thrown in as an afterthought, or without any depth. There was a film adaptation I quite liked of "The Miseducation of Cameron Post", about a teen going to a conversion therapy camp in 1993... also "Tangerine", a 2015 dramedy about sex workers with a trans actress starring, and then more recently, "Your Name Engraved Herein", about martial law being lifted in Taiwan and two boys falling in love, dealing with homophobia at home and school, as well as finding acceptance. Also, "Onward" in 2020 had the first ever openly LGBTQ+ animated Pixar character.

It's huge when there's more representation, not to mention when popular/modern shows normalize same-sex relationships without it needing to be introduced as a big deal or something out of the ordinary.

__________________________________________

And last but not least, pronouns!

I've seen more and more people online be vocal about normalizing pronouns, and it's a great way for visibility. It's impossible to tell someone's gender based on looking at them or how they speak/dress/express themselves. Some people at my previous job added their pronouns to their email signature, which I found to be a neat idea. "They/them" seems to be becoming more common, which is awesome! "They" is not necessarily or strictly meant to be used to describe plurals. History suggests that the use of singular "they" was apparent centuries ago as a generic pronoun, so it's not grammatically incorrect as some may argue. Some people don't and can't identify, and may be non-binary, which is an umbrella term for not fitting in with the gender binary and what we understand as "male" or "female".

Pronouns are a simple way we can show that we care and respect someone. It's the least we can do to try and make an effort to make them feel seen, heard, and appreciated.

Recently, I learned about newer pronouns "neopronouns", which more gender-nonconforming people are using. Examples: "ze" or "zir" or "xe" and "xem". If you're not sure of pronunciation, ask or look up guides! It doesn't hurt to make an extra effort if someone is sharing what they prefer pronoun-wise. As language is evolving and the community is growing and adapting, there are always more opportunities to learn!

Some other things to consider:

Trans people, especially trans people of color, are more likely to be victims of violence. It's crucial to hold lawmakers accountable and put pressure on them to keep trans people of all ages safe and protected. No one should feel threatened or scared to express themselves, and there's a lot of misconceptions involving trans people that can actively hurt them. Please respect the names they choose or how they wish to be addressed!

"How to be an ally to transgender and nonbinary youth" from The Trevor Project:

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/trevor-support-center/a-guide-to-being-an-ally-to-transgender-and-nonbinary-youth/

______________________________________

Anyways, thanks for reading and happy (belated) Pride! But really, celebrate however you wish, any and every day. And know it's okay to not come out as well, no one should force anyone if they're not ready or aren't in a safe place to do so. It's also fine if you don't use labels to identify, but it's cool if you do too. Lastly, there's no wrong time to be an ally. There's never a wrong time.

Oh, and I'm curious to know if your city/town celebrated in any way or if events were cancelled due to COVID?

And again, please feel welcome to add to this list and/or share anything else! Thanks :)

I think people are scared to comment on this one but here goes...

LGBTQ+

I hate to stick a label on anyone so I often wonder why it's so acceptable (almost a pride thing as your heading suggests) to do so when you want to tell us you're different? (BTW what does the + mean after the Q)

When someone of the same sex as you flirts with you...would that be considered as sexual harassment if you were not sexually orientated in the same way as they are...would it stand up in court?

I'm sorry but non-binary people just annoy me...Ok, get on with your life, explore possibilities but please, do not expect us all to change our everyday language just to accommodate a whim. Does anyone know a 50+ non-binary person?

Anyway if you need to label someone ...what's wrong with P for people and H for humans....so much easier IMHO.

Thanks for posting this.

I've had a lot of introspection about coming out over the past 16-17 years or so and i went through many stages in that time. The first time i had any inkling about the LGBTQ was as a teenager when I dove into polyamory. I didn't know you could love more than one person especially at the same time. I realized i really loved my best friends at the time.

There was a time before that i fell in love with women's clothing but i couldn't act upon it because i lived with transphobic and homophobic parents. Anyway.

I went through the thought processes when a few relationships didn't work out that i might be gay, and i came out as such to myself. Then i came out as bi because i still liked women. I quailed after that. Until i met my recent partner.

With all of my depression and PTSD healing slowly. I had time and safe place to think clearly. So over the last few years i realized that i am Polyamorous, Demisexual/Asexual (this fluxes) and genderfluid.

I learned to love dresses :) and i got to chose and change my legal name 2 years ago.

Edit: Any pronouns are okay for me. I am not fussed. Also i will be 32 in a month

Polyamorous, Demisexual/Asexual (this fluxes) and genderfluid.

^^^^

That's a huge label to own.

And I own it proudly and wear it like a badge of honor because of everything I have escaped from and went through :) it's taken me years to build up the courage to come out and love myself enough to do so. No one is taking that away :)

No one wants to take away anything that you feel comfortable with but what I'm trying to understand is the need to flaunt it (for want of a better word). You are still a person like everyone else, why the need to label yourself further than that, because that's when you make yourself different and when you are treated as different by society as a result you get offended.

Yay, so thrilled to read this post, MA! Thank you for putting so much thought, care, and effort into something so important. What a fabulous thread to wake up to :) Happy belated Pride to all!

You put together a great list of folks to follow, and I'd love to add two of my favorite people whom I follow on Instagram:
1) Alexandra Billings, who is a transgender woman. She is incredibly sharp, witty, honest, straightforward, humorous, and outrageous at times.
2) Jeffrey Marsh: Speaker, Author, LGBTQ Visionary, and leader in the Genderqueer Gender-fluid Genderfluid NonBinary Non-Binary Queer Movement (description pulled from their website). Jeffrey is incredibly kind, intentional, intelligent, accepting, tolerant, forgiving, and super enlightening. I've learned so much by following them on Instagram.

"Pronouns are a simple way we can show that we care and respect someone. It's the least we can do to try and make an effort to make them feel seen, heard, and appreciated."
I adore this entire section of what you've written. It's amazing to me the lengths some folks will go to belittle, mock, or ignore this extremely simple way to honor others and make them feel seen and respected. It's very easy to Google 'the importance of pronouns' to understand why they matter.

Has anyone seen POSE? It's one of my favorite shows created in the last several years.
"POSE is an American drama television series about New York City's African-American and Latino LGBTQ and gender-nonconforming drag ball culture scene in the 1980s, early 1990s in the second season, and the mid-to-late 1990s in the third season. Featured characters are dancers and models who compete for trophies and recognition in this underground culture, and who support one another in a network of chosen families known as Houses."
The show features the largest cast of transgender actors in television history, which is awesome.

"Does anyone know a 50+ non-binary person?"
Many. Both in person and folks I choose to follow on social media. I'm so happy people of all generations are embracing themselves and being encouraged to be themselves, fully. It's a beautiful thing!

Rayven's Pirch, I loved hearing about your journey finding yourself. I'm thrilled that we're starting to break out of such simplistic ideas about gender and sexuality. I have great optimism/hope that future generations are/will be more enlightened, open-minded, and accepting of others. Also, if you do have preferred pronouns, I for one would be happy to use them. Please don't let anyone here silence you!

Hi, Hellon!

First, the Q means "questioning", if they're still exploring sexuality or gender, or to some it can mean "queer". Since there are more genders and sexualities to be represented, the plus sign is all-encompassing. I know it can seem daunting, but all that is asked is that people have patience. You don't have to fully understand every new thing, but the first step is understanding that people are figuring out themselves, so labels and language may change. LGBTQ+ people have been around since the beginning of times, there are simply new terms as we have more evolved language. Sexuality and gender can be fluid, and nowhere along the process of discovery should people feel forced to have to explain every label change. It can be tough trying to figure out what suits you. And I assure you no one chooses this.

No one should feel scared to comment. I can get why, if they're afraid to ask questions. It is about if you want to learn and be more inclusive. No, you don't have to respect pronouns or use the one someone prefers, no one is forcing you to, but it's such a small thing to introduce into your language if you're referring or mentioning someone in your life that they've specifically requested pronouns or a new name they go by. No one is expecting you to be perfect, or always know what to say, but the point is in listening when others DO have preferred pronouns. It's about the effort. All we ask is that someone tries.

Like I said previously, labels are actually helpful for many! It can seem like we're trying to be different or we're just further isolating ourselves, and it can be lonely if someone in our lives is so adamant to not accept our identity, but labels can put words to how we're feeling in a more accessible way. Every LGBTQ+ person is different. Some may feel like labels pigeon-hole them and corner them where they can't ever change. For others, they're necessary. It has nothing to do with appearing quirky or outside of the norm. It's not a way to rebel against society. The whole goal is to be treated at the same level as others who never have to face any gender or sexual confusion/dysphoria/questioning. We're not asking for more rights or more attention, simply to be treated equal.

It doesn't seem to me people are "making a big deal". There are new ways to show your pronouns, whether profile bios, emails, patches you can have sewn into jackets, buttons, etc. It's more visibility for them, so, if they don't want strangers or people in their daily life to assume something, it's now out in the open.

Someone in my every day life is out and legally changed her name. Before that though, since there's a whole legal process, she asked her supervisor at work to be called a new name. People at work actually used her name correctly, but then, when she wanted to list her preferred pronouns at the end of an email, apparently that was too much. Her work refused, and she no longer felt safe or welcome. It does not harm anyone to be more inclusive and let someone be open about what pronouns they now use.

On non-binary people annoying you.... I've been questioning for 6+ years about being non-binary. I actually just call myself "queer" now, because it reclaims the term, and it can encompass gender and sexuality when I feel that changes for me. I get dysphoria sometimes, not severe, and it can be hard to explain. It's feeling like I am not one thing. I usually ignore it and again, it's not dysphoria on the level that others have. The only way I can think to describe it is that there are days I don't feel entirely feminine, and may feel more masculine. It's a lot more complex than that though. It's not even necessarily feeling on a spectrum of more feminine or masculine, but more like it doesn't sit right that I'm seen as one gender. It's not me trying to be special, it's incredibly hard to explain, which is why I feel most comfortable with the term "queer" and don't at this point change pronouns. Just like others may have more labels that accurately depict them.

I know non-binary people who are older too, and age has nothing to do with any of this. People who come out at any time are valid. Just because you may see more and more young people, especially on social media, be open with gender and sexuality, doesn't mean it's not a serious thing or should be dismissed as some teenage trendy experimental thing. It's also not an aesthetic. Self-identity is ongoing and age doesn't limit that.

Also, LGBTQ+ people don't look a certain way. Non-binary people don't "have" to look androgynous. Lesbians aren't always the "butch" stereotype. People in this community don't exist for any kind of stereotypes, but hey, if someone wants to be loud and proud and spew rainbows, why silence them?

It reminds me of a conversation with my father last year. He asked (and I'm paraphrasing here) "why do they have to draw more attention to themselves if they want to be treated normally? Why wear shirts with rainbows and specific flags? Why point out pronouns etc. Why dress flamboyantly? Why flaunt it?"

My father is not LGBTQ+, and in my opinion his question held a lot of underlying homophobia. He says he accepts then community, but then implies that those who may be more expressive in how they dress (often as a statement of pride or to more correctly align with how they're feeling) "ruin" it for those who may not be as vocal. LGBTQ+ people exist no matter if someone never brings it up, always brings it up, makes it a big part of their identity or not. The whole point is in being free to express yourself how YOU see fit. If someone wants to only dress in rainbow colors, cool! If someone is content never bringing up their identity, also cool! There is no wrong way. I don't get how someone's existence could annoy you when it's just them.... existing.

Just like you can't guess who is part of the community or not, the same is true for those who may only talk or post about LGBTQ+ related material or memes or education tools, they are a person at the end of the day, and yes, this is a part of them. If it doesn't negatively impact you, why nitpick how they express their gender and sexual journey?

Rayven: So beyond proud and happy for you. Thank you for all you share in your poetry, and being your authentic self. You inspire me and I truly value you.

Jane: I have not gotten around to watching "Pose" yet (I think it's on Netflix?) but will have to soon. I've heard so many good things. And I can't believe I forgot to mention Jeffrey! I have their book "How To Be You" and started watching their Youtube short videos years ago. Such a wonderful soul. I will also have to look up Alexandra Billings' content. Thank you for sharing this!

Wish I could stand up and applaud. MA, I could not have said any of this half so well.

I'd simply like to add that being 'proud' as a member of the LGBTQ+ community is about being proud of oneself for overcoming adversity, fighting against hate, believing in oneself, and fighting for oneself and others. It's about being part of such a diverse community. It's about loving, respecting, and honoring oneself despite barriers and obstacles. It's about combatting shame imposed by others, shouting from the rooftops (figuratively or literally), "I am NOT ashamed!" It's about how far we've come socioculturally (even though we have a long way to go). It's about so much more too.

Thank you both MA and Jane for the acceptance. You have both inspired me to write a poem about healing and my life in general.

This made me day.

Living in the middle east, I confess to being not even aware of LGBTQ+ community until I hit 17 years old. But my father, who was fairly progressive, taught me that I must accept people for who they are, no matter how different they are from me. I still remember there was a new foreign girl in our class whom nobody sat next to, because she didn’t look Syrian. My father gave me a prize when the teacher told him his daughter was the only student to sit next to that girl and make friends with her. I never really got to discuss sexuality with him, because he died when I was 16, but I got to learn love and equity and acceptance from him. So I owe it to him. I must mention him.

Happy Pride Month. Love is beautiful and it should be spread as widely as possible. It encompasses positive mental states that every individual needs. Nobody should feel ashamed to love. People should be ashamed to judge and hate.

Love you, MarryAnne. You know what I think of you. You’re unique and strong and inspiring. I’m so proud of you.

Edit: Rayven, you’re very brave.

All I can say is love is love, beautiful post MA xx

Great post, MA. Love the dialogue it has engendered.

Rayven, watching you go through so much anguish over the years: going from fearful innuendos to outright embracing of who you find yourself to be - it's awe inspiring.

BTW, I feel it's always much more genuine and appropriate to label oneself than to label others. A self-expressed label is a statement of identity, but much more, it is a paradigm through which we view the world and our relationship to it.

A label imposed on others tends more to be judgmental and limiting on what the labeler is willing to accept from the other person.

Thank you MA, Jane, Noura, and Larry I appreciate you all and your kind words very much.

I think most people on here have seen my self destruction over the last 15 or so years (off and on). I have left many times due to anger, physical and mental health reasons. I truly apologize for anyone I have hurt on this site with my words or actions in my past or present. It is 100% on me to own up to my mistakes and to grow as a person. I am going to try to become more active with discussion, contests, comment and writing.

To turn this back into the pride topic- In my past I used to bash people who told me that I didn't fit into the trans community, although I do call people out, I am choosing more to ignore the hate because it's not worth my time and entertainment anymore. As I said in my reply to Hellon, I am extremely prideful of who I am and it took me years to find this person.

We need more kind people in this world and I want to become a safe Person to come out to. :)

Can I ask you what age you were when you realised you didn't quite fit the body you were born with?

I came out at 25 as gender fluid.

I think I was 13 or 14 when I had an inkling

Thanks for your reply. When you were 8 years old did you have any inkling at all? I do have a reason for asking this.

EDIT

I was actually wanting your point of view on something....nothing more than that.

Happy Pride Month!!!

Staying silent and in the shadows to appease others views is not the life that ANYONE deserves to live.
Claiming to be a Trans does not make you a target.
You were already a target for just being trans.
So be whoever you want to be and screw those who refuse to understand.

Welcome back on the site, Teria! And yes, true words. I think there comes a point where people will still refuse to show any empathy or compassion, even if they can't possibly understand, and those are people not worth having in your life. I hope we can work toward a society where more and more people feel free to be themselves without facing repercussions or fear or discrimination etc.

Thanks to everyone for posting on here!

Thanks for this post, MA, and thank you to those who’ve shared their stories. Much love.

Any scientist understands the power of naming something with precision, whether it’s a process or a species or an idea. Firstly, the name means it now exists. It allows its expansion. It defines its belongings and relationships, favourable and unfavourable, to itself and to others. Many people from the LGBTQIA+ community shy away from labels too, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t important.

I’m your straight up cishet woman, she/her. But close members of my family have come out recently, after years of self-homophobia. I’m so grateful they are in a safe and supportive environment to live their lives with love, even if it means giving up parts of their former community and identity.

I see my interior and exterior world changing rapidly before my eyes, and though there’s still a long way to go, it’s a beautiful and hopeful thing.