Its happening again...i'm losing my mind...i'm scared!

I hate this, not that it matters. I'm starting to see things again. Hallucinations. I don't take any drugs, just so all of you know. The voices are started to come back again telling me to cut, to bleed, to die...After almost a month of not cutting i started again. Depression is holding me tightly again...i'm suffocating. I feel like i have to die, but i don't want to! I don't think i have a choice. I'm afraid to leave my friends, hell i'm afraid of myself...what i might do to myself. I don't want to pass out on my bedroom floor again not knowing if i'll wake up. Or stay awake wondering,hoping, i got the pills out of my system because i realized what i was leaving behind. I'm tired of shaking in my bed afraid of him hiding underneath and of the people that visit my window. I don't know if i can do this again...i don't want to give in but i don't think i'm strong enough to tell the voices no. There stronger than me they no my weaknesses...better than i do. I'm trapped...and scarred.

I SEE DRUNK PEOPLE!!!!

u need 2 see your doctor. as a pharmacy student thats what i recommend you to do...also try to talk to some1 at home about it if you havent already and if you dont want to try to get some professional help. This situation can be helped. You have to stay strong and believe u can overcome it..and u will..u will pull through.....believe.

...i don't know...confused...i just want the voices to go away...

You need to go see somebody hunni x

To be able to seek professional help you have to mentally at least make yourself WANT to get better. Being pessimistic and negative will only lead to hating the professional help you get, and not being over to overcome your problem.
So seek help, what else CAN you do...?

Hi Dragonfly

Sounds like you're having a really rough time of it. These voices that you have, are they actually like real voices you physically hear? or are they impulses, like someone inside your brain is wanting you to do something??? Theres a real difference between the two.

Last year when I was severely suicidal and pretty messed up, i found myself scared of what I might do, because i really lost control of myself on several occasions. I used to wonder if id wake up the next morning in some hospital. So I can really relate to that, and i know how hard it is. The best thing to do is to get all tools/pills you could use to harm yourself, and give them all to someone who understands, tell them to keep them locked away and not to give them to you, even if you ask for them. It may be really hard, but then at least you will lack the ammunition to harm yourself.

Try and stay in the same room as someone, as much as you want to go and hide away in your bedroom/wherever, try and stay in the same room, keep talking to people. And at night keep the tv on when you sleep.

If you want to, you can pm me, I can really relate to what your saying and would help if u want

xxxx

Thanks very much, i mean i don't know it just feels good to know some other people understand this, i don't know if i can tell a doctor my mom...she just send me away and if i leave my friends that will just make me worse, but i think i will give my tools to someone although i can't get rid of the pills my mom would definantly notice the empty medicine cabinet. Life sucks doesn't it? You don't really have to answer it.

Oh and thanks toni, very much.