heck

hmmmm. i know i sholdn't re enter this debate but meh. i have now, so i'll ask you all: does this ever friggin stop?! i mean, come on surely 6 years trapped in hell is enough, debating, thinking, cutting, drinking, being abused and all that sh!t are enough. but my god, does this ever actually leave?!

are we given mere moments of mercy only to tease us into hanging on to this burning rope?

does ANYONE have the answers? or is the entire human race just as retarded as me? cos i sure feel like a cripple. i try and walk but i fall and end up twelve steps behind, i run to catch up only to get out of breath and end up even further behind that i was anyway. my god.

DOES ANYONE OUT THERE HAVE THE MAGICAL ANSWERS????????

ps, i've already stated i'm a retard, but might i add that i know i'm pathetic, before any one chips in to tell me that, i already know.

huni im sorry to say tht there is no magical answe for what u are feeling. unfortunaty. coz tht would make everythin a heck of a lot easier dont u think?
but there isnt so we gotta accept tht. but ill tell u what there IS. love and friendship, tht has gotten me thru my life so far and im so grateful. why dont uu try talking to a friend or relative? u no, talking things thru instead of keeping it all inside? having aa friend next to me all the way, standing by my side made me feel like i belong somewhere, and tht was my first step to recovery

good luck and im always here to talk or to be ur friend tht walks with you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

don't i wish it were that easy....

heck. i know i should talk to my boyfriend, he says i should call or text him when i feel bad or watever, but the way i feel it'll just make me feel guilty for ruining his friday night. meh. i'll just cut and cut tonight, call my friend tomorrow to get some weed and then get stoned for a while and see if it's any better, it won't be but hey, im tired.

Mmm i know exactly what you mean.. 4 years of misery and it never seems to end no matter how hard you try..

yeah i know its quite a hole i'm in. sigh. ok maybe i'm not quite 'developmentally disabled' but i feel like a right dick, for want of a better word. i dunno. i did call my boyfriend hes praying for me, and i do have huge problems with my self esteem .... the idiot i was i thought my new found love had conquered that ... hmmm. looks like i'll have a busy therapy session on tuesday :( my therapist said to me last session 'i really think we should look at your self esteeem ... ' i preferred to count the number of cracks in the ceiling at the time. oh well regrets get you nowhere.