I KILLED MY STEPDAD, DIDNT I?

Honey - there are some things in life that you take responsibility for and there are some that you don't. This is one of those DON'T moments trust me. There is one person responsible and one person alone for your stepfather's death, that is the voice inside his head - him. Think this through very carefully, you may be scared of the dark now but, talking as someone who has her own brutal demons which took a long time to fight, it changes with time and help. So promise me all you'll do is stick up your hand to someone who cares, a Dr, your family, your friends and ask for help. Life is full of regrets but actually what you said to your Stepfather was the truth because he had a profoundly negative effect on your life something which he had no right to do. Instead of regretting what you said you should be proud honey. That took courage, guts and a strength of character that most people in your situation do not obtain until many years after. Hang in there honey things will get better. You are never completely alone, just reach out for a bit of help. You are an incredibly brave individual whose life deserves to be lived long and to the full. Take care. Love Rach xx

Great quote Suzy - I use that alot on here too :o)

Darling stop blaming yourself firstly, secondly I think you should seek professional help to deal with your angst. Last but not least we are all responsible for our own choices and actions, he chose to kill himself the same way your choosing to blame yourself - you need to stop it babes or the hole your sinking into will go past the point of no return

Email me if you wanna chat k? :o)

HOney there really is nothing to feel guilty about. There are some people who can only listen to their internal voice and to me it sounds like that was what happened to your step-dad. My own opinion now is that you should try to move on and build a life for yourself. I mean after everything you have been through don't you think you deserve a little happiness?? xx

Darlig I know from personal experance what you are going through. I lost my husban that way. I was 20 he was 27 at the time. I look back now and think i would have forgiven him for hitting me which is why he shot himsealf. Its not your falt that your stepdad did this thing. Its the guilt that he himsealf felt that he couldn't live with.
You will still play the what if game, this i know. If you want to know what helped me get through it just drop me a line