im 17 and need your help bad. im so confused

well the first 4 lines is 33 but the whole thing is 132... it's a good poem, but the key with poetry is not to stretch the length, shortness way very well be the key to the best poem, but if this is for an assignment then it shouldn't matter how the poem works, just add a few more lines, then if you like the poem after you add the lines, keep it like that, other wise just throw umm out later

-david

I understand you were trying to help david, but ryan concluded his poem. He cannot simply add a few lines to it. He has caught himself in a hole higher than he can reach. The sad thing is he constructed his poem so well as to not leave any room for extra story line, or plot. To add a few lines would be to disrupt the theme of his poem (which 'by the way' I compliment you on ryan). I may not be able to help you with the extra lines you need, but I will give you some advice on your poem.

Stanza 1: Line three has eleven syllables, but line four has 8. Instead of the comma between truth and heart, consider something such as: "But through truth of the heart and fixed, fearless eyes." It adds those extra three syllables and improves the flow.

Stanza 2: Again the syllables. Line one has ten and line two has eight. Notice how this improves it: "To fight with no knowledge of certain defeat." Even just two syllables from the word certain refines the flow. Maybe take out "this" after the comma on the fourth line.

Stanza 3: Syllables. Line one has ten and line two has ten (which seems very much like it should be fine) but notice if you add one more syllable, (such as: "I touch with my spirit and fight all my fears.") how it changes the flow for the better. Fourth line could possibly be changed to: "For that is not where my true battle lies."

Stanza 4: Revise the whole first line. The "after" kills your flow. Suggestion: "To stand all alone, when all have let go." I'm sorry to say this, but genral does not exactly rhyme with go. Consider also revising the second line. Possible suggestion: "To fight for a cause that I only know." Line four could be switch changed to harmonize the flow (the end is the most important part after all). Suggestion: "For though I'm alone, I'm ten thousand men."

Well, that is all I have to say. All in all a good poem. Do not be offended by my 'constructive critcism'. People have received worse from me.

Damn... and I wasted all that time

Yes I agree...

The poem itself was much harder to critique than writing a summary of it would be. I'm sure many could go on for quite a few pages...

Post what you already have...

Your sarcastic reply to "born" in no way helped you with your summary...

How about you just post your summary already?!

I'm losing patience with you...

Yes it is very well complete...

A few ideas for you:

The quotation "No matter how scared, no matter how weak To fight with no knowledge of defeat…” also into play the characteristic of thought. To not except defeat even when it is the inevitable truth.

Yes it is a quality of courage, but in essence it flows much deeper to the way in which we control our very thoughts. Most in battle are overcome by unbeatable odds, and the loss of thought process, but to "fight with no knowledge of defeat" may not imply that the author/fighter is unaware of the loss, but that he will not except defeat as an answer.

When you reference to the "Ten thousand men" as fears, instead of relating them to fears, try connecting them with society and the way of life we have now.
Ten thousand pressures to do something (I would consider immoral) are pored upon me everyday.

Consider attributing "Ten thousand Men," to "Ten thousand defeats"

The list of "Ten Thousands" are endless. Relating the poem to this could leave you pages of writting alone.

Throughout your summarization you show emotion for what you speak (so it sounds like you know what you are talking about). At the very end however, you merely state a fact. Try ending with the same emotion you showed throughout the summary.

No problem...

"...To fight with no knowledge of defeat…"

I don't know if you still need this or not, but this line makes me think that with courage, it involves a certain amount of stupidity. Which isn't a bad thing, in more academic terms we say, "disarming naivity." A lot of underdog, simplistic heroes in literature have this. It's a very common theme.

Also, go more in depth about the themes of alienation and isolation. This being alone thing. I once heard the word alone defined as "all one." That's from Zen buddhist thought, which Scott may have been influenced by here. Ask questions, and answer them. Never leave a question unanswered.

Ask what/who the Ten Thousand Men are? ask why the narrator has to fight alone? Also, what is he fighting for? This poem is about as vague as a politician's speech.

Shojo: Yes agreed on your first paragraph...

This was my reference to the author being "unaware" of inevitable defeat... The line "To fight with no knowledge of defeat" could possibly mean, to be unaware of the fact that he is overpowered (we call this ignorance), but I gave the author the benifit of the doubt that his meaning was implied deeper...

ryan: I haven't actually written poetry until my friend directed me to this site...

my profile is current (reference to above), seeing as this is my first time really going in depth with poetry...

I haven't written much lately... I have currently been 'involved'...