Can Life be so bad?

i feel i have made friends with death as well. Everyday i sit in cold innocent silence thinkning into deep depression like thoughts from the past. Life has found no mean for me nor purpose and therefore I have thought about ending it all. I have all thse people talkina bout people who love me and tellin me id hurt them the worst if i ever did such a thing. I dont think they get the meaning or philosophy behind all of what i think about death. They have worked as enemies against him and i rebell