I Need Help!! In love, dodgey situation!! :'(

Hey there people, I really need your help. I am 15 years old and I am madly in love with a 35 year old. He is married and has 4 kids and I am mates with all his kids. I think he knoes how I feel about him and I know he feels the same. He tells me he loves me and all that, and he doesn't really get on with his wife anymore, they are always arguing and she annoys him. I just don't know what to do, and I don't know what I want to do. Please help.

i say? u drop it.... cause the person marryed... and it would be wrong to break them apart =/... and beside? u still got alot of years and alot of time to find someone else..... that my idea...

He is married! You are way to young I am 34 will be 35 in June and I couldn't imagine being in love with a 15 year old. You could be his daughter. For him it would be considered child molestation. If any relationship would develop between the two of you his wife could use that to her advantage. You could ruin a family. If he is in a bad marriage he needs to get out. That is between the two of them. For a 35 year old man to have interest in someone 15 is not right! Sorry Emma but that is my opinion. You have to do what you feel is right but think hard about it before you act on this.

Aimz, you don't know for sure whether this is love or just a crush. You can't tell, I'm the one feeling this. I understand where you are coming from. But his wife really does not deserve him as all she does is start arguments with him. Only if you would see all that he does to keep the family together then you would know.

Aimz, his wife hasnt got a damned clue about what we are doing cuz she would have killed him by now if she had known. She gets mad at him literally for stupid damned reasons like "he works too much". He only works cuz he wants to give his family a good life!! He has 2 jobs and when he's nto working he's doing jobs around the house. What more would you want in a man? He's only doing this with me because of the way his wife is, and its just putting him off his wife. I admit, he probably is just using me but what can I do? I cant let him go.

Emma, you are looking for an excuse to do what you want when deep down inside the places you hate looking you know it's so very very wrong.

You're 15, he's 35. He'd be looking at a jail sentence and spending the rest of his life on the sex offenders list.

You're fueling his marriage troubles just by being involved. If you have a moral (religious) bone in your body you'd walk away.

It's called forbidden love for reason. Do him, yourself and his family a favour and get out now.

Married men= off limits (as depressing as that may sometimes be)

Age difference: The law has a big problem with it. At 18 you can do whatever you legally choose to do.

Married men= OFF LIMITS. Dont be a home wrecker.

How do your friends (his kids) feel about this?!?!?!

Why can't you understand...first.....

EWWWWWW!!!!

And secondly, that he's a pedophile, and is looking at no less then 5 years in jail, and wherever he lives when he gets out, he has to tell them that he's a known sex offender, and that will hang over him for the rest of his life! He wont be able to get a desent job, he wont be trusted with anything, and he wont be able to see his family again!!

If you want to know anything about his legal stuff, I'm a criminal justice major, and I think that I know what I'm talking about for the most part.

You must be so happy that your parents don't know about this, because if they did, you wouldn't have to worry about anyting because he would already be put away.

Yeah I've kind of wondering that too...

And don't say because he's a great guy, because I know a lot of great guys, older then me too, and there is no way I could ever think of being in love with them....

So besides your "he's such a great guy" answer, in any form....why do you love him?

I love him because he understands me, accepts me for who i am, listens to me when i need him the most, different from all the other guys around, doesnt jusdge me when i tell him things, always there for me, i feel comfortable around him, when im with him i dont worry about how i look cuz he accepts me just the way i am whereas with other guys im constantly worrying. Yer what he's doing may be illegal, but if you think i can let him go just like that then you blatently dont have a clue how love feels. You lot out there can think what you like cuz i really couldnt care less about what people think. i didnt post this topic on here so peope can bitch about it, or be rude about it, or upset me and make me feel weird from it. but thanks for doing that anyway (insane sarcasm).

I love how people come to these forums seeking advice and then when they discover that their dose of reality tastes bad they start throwing tantrums that are quite contradictory to the fact that they were seeking our opinions in the first place.

"I DONT CARE WHAT YOU PEOPLE THINK..."

Then HELLO!!! (I'm appealing to any brain cells in there) Why in the hell do you ask?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it. I am with an older man as well, that's not what I'm against. I'm against dating 1. a married man and more importantly 2. a married man with KIDS.

Dating an older person is fine, you just have to be cognizant of the laws, however breaking up a family is never fine.

Bad Kitty, you talk with more sense than anyone else on here. You took the words rght outta my mouth. I know that just because i love him, it doesnt make it right, im not saying its right, i admit it is wrong. but i dont agree that its sick.

Megan that was a good idea.

Emma, I'm sorry if I offened you in anyway. I'm not the only one on here that things it's gross. Sorry.

And I do know what love is thank you. I'm deeply in love with someone right now but he's close to my age, isn't married, and doesn't have kids!

I have to ask you a question....forgive me if I offend you, but it's something I want to know so maybe I can figure you out a little better.

Do you have a dad? Is he around?

I think it was bad kitty that said she was in the same boat. Yours is a LITTLE better because it's 10 years, not 20. You're still way to young for that man though. Both of you are.

I'm sorry. I know that age is just a number, but if laws are set by age, then they happen to be a little more. Age has nothing to do with your majority level, but I really honestly don't think, that at 15 or 16, you have majored enough, to be in love with someone so much older then you, that you can't even go out on a date with, or hang out with, because it's not acceptable!!

I really think that you need to try to find someone else to love. Both of you. And if either of you want to tell me that it's not that easy...I KNOW!!! I was in love once before, and I know how are it is to fall out of it. But I was actually in a relationship with this guy! You guys aren't!

Megan...

My pros and cons
+i get to be with the guy i love
- i lose his kids as friends
+ finally get to be with a guy that treats me right
-i will feel guilty for hurting his family

Im not even going to try doing the pros and cons of the people care about, because if they care about me, then they would accept my decision and understand why i have chosen to hurt so many people for the sake of a guy 20years older than me.

The reason why i continue to do this even though i know its wrong, is because i really do love him, he's more mature than most guys my age, he treats me better than all the other guys i have been with, he's just different. Also, i would stop this if only i could help myself, but i cant. if i had things my way, i would stop this right now...but i cant.

And SatinRisse, i kind of have a dad...my real dad has f*cked off with another woman, and my stepdad used to do drugs. both my parents are never around me, i bearly get to spend any time with them as they are always working. the minute i come home from school, its time for them to leave for work. and by the time they get ome from work, im in bed. also, if you know how hard it is to have to get over someone, then surely you can appreciate the fact that i cant just get over him like that. especially not when i work with him. and to be quite honest, im not prepared to quit my job just to get away from him.

DONT DO IT IT CAN LAND HIM IN PRISON TRUST ME SOMEONE I LOVE DEARLY IS IN PRISON BECAUSE HE WAS STUPID ENOUGH THE FALL IN LOVE WIT A 15 YEAR OLD. GIVE IT TIME YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE FOR YOURSELF AND SOMEONE IN YOUR AGE LIMIT OK SO JUST COOL YOUR JETS. IF YOU CLAIM YOU ARE QUOTE QUOTE "MADLY IN LOVE WIT HIM" THEN LEAVE HIM ALONE OK??? SORRY IF I AM BEING A BITCH BUT ITS TRUE. YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE IN DUE TIME OK?? DONT GIVE THAT UP.

I think Nano took my point away from me...lol...that was why I was asking.

I have a friend whos dad passed about 7 years ago. She's been having a really hard time growing up, and becoming an adult because she doesn't have her dad there to tell her no, and to protect her.

I think that maybe you have these feelings for this guy, because of the fact that you are friends with his kids, and you spend so much time around him. He cares a lot about you and doesn't care what you look like, and you can tell him anything because he's a dad. That's what you're supposed to do with them!

I honestly think that in your head it's coming out as love. I want you to think about it though. Maybe you really do feel that he is "taking the place" of your father, since like you said, you don't have one that is ever around. He's the first man to show that he loves you, but I think that it might be more as a daughter then it is a girlfriend.

Guys are your age are going to be immature. They will always be immature. That's just a fact of life. It's a penis thing....no offense guys!! Lol....don't hate me...

But really sweetie. You need to think about everything.

And I'm sorry about all my "Ewww" comments I had written to you before. The night I wrote those, I was on codine for my head and it was kicking in. I really don't remember most of what happened that night. I am very sorry if I offended you. I'm really not that kind of a person.

*points and laughs*

You finally get to be with a man who treats you right, huh?

*************News flash*************

You're FIFTEEN, I repeat, FIFTEEN years old. What's 'finally' about that? I guess you've been dating boys for what, three years, maybe four.

Girls who are in love (as they define it) are stupid and too concerned with being an adult when there are far more important things to be dealing with.

I pray to the heavens that you don't live in Essex. You're being overly immature in a selfish attempt to be grown up and your actions could rub off on my little sister.

Bret...i hate to break this to you but as a matter of fact, i do live in Essex..but i pretty much doubt i would be anywhere near you...

SatinRisse, thanks for your concern, you really do sound like a nice person. and looking at other people's topics, you give really good advice. i guess this just isnt a very good start to a "friendship" is it...

And to all of you out there, i can see your concern and i can see where you are all coming from. I had a long hard think about this, being quite honest, i can see what you mean, he could easily just be using me as a bit on the side, but then again, he could really love me as he says... And maybe I am just admiring him as the father i never had. Right now, i cant say whether that is the case or not as i dont even know for myself. But i want you all to know that from now on, i will try to get away from him as much as i can, and as hard as that may be...Thanks to you all for replying with advice, and in some cases, opinion.

I live in Hullbridge, my sister lives in Shoebury.

I know I sound harsh but there is a reason.

By being harsh I hope to get you to the whole picture, not just what you and believe. I'm like this with everyone else too, so don't be that offended.

B

Dont worry too much about being harsh im used to it by now.

And less worry for you, i am no where near you or your sister. I have never heard of them places in my life. I live in a small town called Great Dunmow, near Stansted Airport.

wait a few years...see if you still feel the same. i'm not going to say anything about the age difference because i have the same problem 18-34. just wait until you're legal.if you love him you dont want to see him go to jail for being with you. i really know where you're coming from though. just think of what would be best for both of you. also you should make sure that he knows to have more respect than that to think that you would be with someone who is married. let him get divorced first

There are exceptions to the rules. Trust in that, YOU are the one who will have to decide.

Breaking up a family is WRONG, no matter how old you are.

Here are the rules of thumb and rating for the action:

Single- go for it: 0
Has a girlfriend- it would be nice to leave him alone: -1
Has a fiance- If you HAVE to go for this guy, do it quick, but you should really stay away if you have any loyalty to women: -2
Married- Eeeeesh. It seems like another girl got there first. It would be highly unethical to lure him out of a marriage, but hey, it's only screwing over one woman, right??!?!: -3
Married with children- STAY THE FUCK AWAY. You dont mess with married men with children. You just dont do it: -10

Get rid of the bastard, emma, you're being used.

Lol, no it isn't. I wish that there was something else I could do for you. I mean, if he really does want to get in our pants, then you really need to tell someone because that's not right. Like I've said before.

he wants sex.
period.
there's NO WAY he wants anythign else.

hun you're 15...as funny smart pretty and cool as you may be all he probably sees is the cute girl who's got some feelings for him and he can take advantage of it.

don't let your heart be broken by some old guy who wants someone to put out

I would recommend that you watch an old film called Rita, Sue and Bob, Too.

Bret, why do you recommend that?

StainRisse, dont worry i know why you say those things, like i said, i have had a thougt about it, and as hard as its gonna be, i will try my best to let him go...untill he gets a divorce anyway.

Michelle, thats a good idea. Im sure i can wait a few years...thats 10months i gotta wait untill im legal to have sex..
He's been talking about leaving his wife lately anyway, he mentioned the other night that he was gonna move out soon cuz he's sick of his wife's constant moaning.
Its weird though cuz i've always gone for older guys...but ive never gone this far before..

Amante Perso, i dont think he is just using me. he has liked me since last year october, and its only recently that i told him i liked him too. but even before i told him, he still liked me...if he was just using me, i dont think he would have stuck around all that time.

But thanks for your concern anyway. :)

Has he ever kissed you or made a move on you in any way? Does he give you sexual inuendos? Do his kids know about this? Does his wife?

You're 15. He's 35. He has kids and wife. You have hormones. He's bored. You're flattered. You're pretty. He's thinking he's past it. You're thinking it's love. He know's it's lust. We know it's lust. End this now!

Kaitlin, whats sexual inuendos? His kids do not know about this though he doesnt try very hard to hide it from them whenever they're around.And of course his wife dont know about this...what kinda question is that meant to be?! Yes he has kissed me and other stuff, but nothing very dramatic.

Mel, how can you say you KNOW its lust? You dont even know me or him..or anything about us for that matter. You cant just say a load of things and assume thats how he feels cuz you dont even know him, let alone know how he feels.

Ok emma...I know you're from the UK....and I don't know about the laws in the UK. You said though that you have to wait 10 months till you can have sex. So...you're going to be 16 in 10 months. Now...I'm a Criminal Justice major in college here, and like I said...I don't know the UK laws about this, but here....this is what the law is....

...14, 15, 16 and the defendant is 21 or older, and
a. deviate sexual intercourse occurs;
b. sexual intercourse occurs;
c. sexual contact occurs;

it is statutory sodomy in the second degree
and child molestation in the second degree

I'm telling you this because if this is the same law that you have, if your parents EVER find out about it, they can press charges against him, and he will spend a min. of 5 years in prison.

Like I said...this is US law....it might be different for you in th UK but BE CAREFUL! I'm not telling you that I'm changing my mind and am going to support you on this, I just want you to think about everything.

Why do I recommend it? I think it has comparisons and bearing on your situation.

(I'm very near to Southend btw)

Oh I forgot say earlier... He's already broken the law and would be convicted for sexual abuse.

You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss but he's looking at 5 years jail time and the rest of his life on the sex offender's list if anyone finds out. And whether you like it or not, in reality that's just what he is already; a sex offender.

It's bad enough that he's lower than pond scum, but you have encouraged him to do it too. I really think you should back off before his kids wind up being investigated for paedophilia charges. The police WILL climb all over him, his family and everyone he knows to investigate any claims made.

Hmmm....I'm only half an hour away from Southend.

SatinRisse, thanks for that. I dont want him to get in trouble with the polive or nothing, but it is really hard to give him up. I dont want to see him ending up in jail just cuz of me. But he should be thinking about that as much as i should be.

Bret, I dont think he's "lower than pond scum" and i think alot of people would agree with me aswell. At first, when i told my mates about this, they were disgusted at it and like many of you, they thought he was probly just using me aswell and he'll just end up breaking my heart. But when they took the time and effort out to get to know him, they could see why i liked him and they saw that he isnt as bad as they thought he was. Maybe thats just the same with you.
You just dont know what he's really like.

I know what you're saying, Emma, but there are plenty of people in this world who are nice and charismatic and VERY likeable, but that doesn't change what they have done. It's obvious that you think he's great, nothing will change that either, but there sometimes in life we have to think about things other than ourselves.

Great Dunmow is a lovely place, btw.

You also have to think about the fact that you are so young. It is possible to be able to feel love so young, but at 15, my mind was still going through a whole bunch of changes, and I was still growing up. At 16 I thought I found the love of my life, and I never wanted anyone else by my side, just for that relationship to fall apart, and now, 2 years later, have that same feeling, but about a million times more!!!

You're changing. Is it worth the pain that his family might go through, or that you might go through to want to be with him so bad? If you want an older guy, because the ones your age are really immature, then try for only a couple of years older!

The real man of your dreams might of been interested in you, but you're so cought up with this 35 year old, that you missed him!!

Just don't keep your eyes closed. Look around a little! If, when you're 18, and you guys still feel the same way, and EVERYTHING will be legal, even kissing, then go for it....if he's not married anymore and has all that figured out.

He's had fun, and life experience, whereas you are so young. Fair enough I'm not against age gaps, but I don't think that it's right.
He's had his fun life, he's probably settling down in a nice job and all the rest of it, but you still need to live your life. You still have to experience going out, getting absolutly drunk and not remembering a thing the next day, you need to pass your exams, you need to finish school.
YOU NEED TO BE A TEENAGER.
He's married because he's had life experience, and knows what life brings, you still haven't experienced half of it all.
So lay off for a while, and if in a few years you feel the same, then go back. But for the time being, GO HAVE FUN.

Another point to note is that in 20 years if you're still together and you're 35 will he be as interested as he is now or will be a repeat performance akin to his current marriage.

I'll bet he felt the same way when he met his wife.