¿Suicide?

Hey, I just recently read this book called "No One Saw The Pain'' about teen suicides and I'v been interested in understanding teen suicide since, I was thinking that if some teens here have tried to commit suicide but didn't succeed, what was going through your mind right before you tried? and was depression the biggest reason why you wanted to do it? If you could post answers or e-mail me at lady_black_knight@hotmail.com

Hmm...this is an interesting question. I like it....

When I tried to kill myself the last time, I tried to OD....I ended up getting really sick and throwing everything up....It was crazy. I just remember thinking to myself that I was sorry. I kept running through my head everyone that I had ever hurt, and said sorry to them. I felt worthless, and that I had no place here anymore. When I was laying in my bathroom, I started crying because I had forgotten to say good-bye to my boyfriend. I left my family a note though. So I started to cry. The crying made me sick and throw everything up.

I don't know...I think that when it came down to it, I was sorry for everything that I had ever done. I wasn't happy with my life, and I just wanted to tell everyone that I was sorry for being such a f*** up.

Hope I helped a little.

After trying to OD were you thankful that you didn't die? And Did you realize it wasn't as bad as you thought? Or was everything still the same after you survived?

the thinks i thought the last time were omg what will they think ? will they be sorry? will my mom be mad? will they realize its their fault? i hate them stuff like that

Yeah for the most part I was happy. Now I'm really happy that it didn't work.

At the time, I don't really remember what I thought. Part of me was happy, but part of me was really mad and upset because I felt even more like a fuck up because I coudn't even do THAT right.

well i was thinking that no one else would care and i dont care about my self so might as well leave, as i said, noone would care!!!!

Hey guys, thanks for your posts it means alot to me =)

Hey... it's a good question... and I can go on forever...

Well, I've attempted suicide twice. I know some people will be like "wow... how weak are you?!?! You've tried it twice?!?!" Yes people, I've tried it twice... so label me! I live a pretty messed up life. The first time I attempted suicide was in April of 2004. I've been beaten since I was 10 and my father walked out on me when I was 13, so I had a lot to do deal with... thinking that I was never good enough for my dad. Those thoughts lead to be being anorexic and bulimic. I was a heavy drug user. I was extremely depressed... because of that I refused to go to school so I ditched school a lot. My friends, which are more of the "popular" type, are very happy-go-lucky so I had A LOT of acting to do in front of them. I cut myself every single day, cried my eyes out, was never able to sleep (I would always have dreams that my dad moved back into my home... that nightmare is true now). One night I just decided that my life will never change for the better so it's best to just end it... so I slit my wrists. I basically was dead... I lost a lot of blood. My best friend, Danielle, found me bleeding in my room. I was unconcious. She called for help. Doctors said that if Danielle came 2 minutes sooner, I would have been dead. I was kept in a hospital for 5 months, so I got out in August of 2004.

After my first suicide attempt, Danielle (who also cut) and I promised each other that we would never commit suicide. September 23, 2004... Danielle killed herself. I took it really hard on myself because for one... she was my best friend, plus... I saw her dead body. I walked into her room and saw her bleeding but I was too late. I held her dead body in my arms... and that day also marked my second suicide. I slit my wrists with the same exact knife she used... and I fell to the floor beside her and was bleeding right next to her, hoping I would die with her. But Danielle's sister found me bleeding as well... they saved me but they couldn't save Danielle.

So, I hope this shows you why I attempted suicide. I just felt that everything in my life just sucked. I knew I was screwing up my life... cutting myself, doing drugs, skipping school. I felt as if there was no possibility of my life turning around for the better. I don't really remember what I was thinking right before I attempted my first suicide... it's all a haze to me really. I don't remember much from that night (I was high at the time). But I remember what I was thinking when I attempted suicide when I saw Danielle dead. I remember hoping and wishing that I would actually die so I can be with Danielle. I remember thinking that it would be cool for two best friends to die on the same die, from the same cause. I know that sounds sick... but unfortunately, thats exactly what I was thinking.

I am happy to say that now I have fully recovered from drugs. After my last attempt, I have never touched any drug. I am still not over cutting though. My father has actually moved back into my home and he has begun beating me again and my only escape from the pain is to cut. Also, I've been effected greatly from Danielle's death, so that's another reason for me to still continue cutting... even though, in her suicide poem to me, she asked of me to stop cutting... but I really am unable to.

*I'm not looking for any rude comments or remarks from this post... so save yourself some time and don't tell me about how much of a dumbass I am... for it really isn't going to bother me one bit*

Take care everyone, and PLEASE never go as far as I have gone... don't do anything stupid...

~ Tina