Infidelity, Affairs, Cheating

Do you think that affairs are only physical? Or can they also be emotional, intellectual, or even spiritual?

What MAKES an affair?

What are the exceptions? What makes it ALRIGHT to cheat? Is there ever a time when it's appropriate or acceptable?

I personally would be much more upset if my boyfriend had a mental and emotional affair with another person than a physical one.

JPM: I am pondering whether you are serious or not... then I remembered you had a daughter and hoped you were joking... with you I'm never sure, nothing would surprise me.

Matt: A mental relationship to me is very threatening, because one of the most important things that I look for in a boyfriend is a mental connection, intellect is very important to me. If my boyfriend could have deeper conversations with another girl, or if he enjoyed talking to another girl better than me it would hurt me very much. That may be a quirky thing that is more personal than relative to everyone, because I'm sure lots of other people wouldnt care, but I would much rather have him sleep with another girl than discover that he and a "friend" are talking on the phone every other day establishing a mental connection deeper than my own, because that will lead to an emotional connection and inevitably sex.

Sex itself can be meaningless, without any other connection, or with very little meaning. You can meet someone and be a little drunk and before you know it you're fucking their brains out in the restroom of the bar, but when you establish a mental or emotional connection with someone there is a deeper attraction that to me seems more threatening than a one night stand.

Yes, all relationships are mental to a certain extent.

Technically they are, but some people think of affairs as only physical, whereas I dont.

JPM: Does your wife get the same liberty as you?

I know that not all physical affairs are mental or emotional, that wasnt what I meant. I just meant that the only type of affair a person can have isnt ONLY a physical one, meaning having a mental affair would be just as bad, even if no sex were involved.

When you had your daughter, did it change the way you felt about your behavior? I dont imagine that you would want her treated like that when she gets married.

And your reasoning for your wife not having the liberty to do the same thing, "I pay the bills," is that not somewhat of an archaic rationalization for such disrespect and hurtful behavior?

In the end though, you're correct. Money makes the world go round.

About four years ago I became mentally and emotionally infatuated with a 41 year old woman. I weighed 275. I lost 65 lbs while in this obsession I wrote her two love poems she was not attached at that time I never had any physical contact with her unless you want to call helping her off of a chair physical contact. I felt ecstasy every time saw her. She always smiled at me warmly and went out of her way to pay attention to me. I had not thought of the possibility of romance for over twenty years. It is a very long story but I did write a book if anyone is interested. Any way most of the poems that are in that book were inspired by her and another infatuation from 20 years earlier. The most physical contact with her was a kiss. Now back to the 41year old ‘now 45 I ask her for a date, to me a date is taking someone out to eat and maybe conversation. This woman had a panic attack. She said she was seeing somebody. A few moths latter she was married a little less than a year passed and she was telling everyone that she was getting a divorce. I saw her out at a nightclub sitting on a strangers lap after she was married while her husband was taking care of her children. I knew that she had been widowed when her first husband had committed suicide. Sorry if this story is too much information. But the cold reality of what was going through my mind was too horrible for me to think about. Given the human nature of passion how many would say that her behavuor was acceptable our right as kaitlin would put it?

Bob: I agree with you about PEOPLE, but I think every woman would like to say that she is the closest female on a mental, physical, and emotional level to her boyfriend or husband. It's a nice thought, even if it's unnatainable.

JPM: I'm not talking about any post modern crap, it's pretty much common sense crap, but your figuring is as well common sense, on a more basic level, many would call it unprogressed, not myself. I dont think it's wrong or right, but I wouldnt want to be in that type of situation personally.

J.P.M. Yes I can rephrase that lmao The same woman who blushed when I asked to take her out to eat when she was single, was throwing herself at a young stud after she was married. She had a very passionate look on her face as she was encouraging this young man to place his hands on her while she was affectionately caressing his face. The only thing I could think of not inane was cheap bar tramp. I spent the rest of the night throwing up. I have seen street prostitutes that looked more reserved. Of course I was insanely jealous of the young man lol. I knew she had an excuse for her behavior she has a bipolar disorder. I remembered her favorite quote was’ if I were laid every time I got screwed I would be doing alright what she was talking about I don’t have a clue. But, now it is my ambition, as a poet to be read every time she gets screwed. I am a high tech slut

I remember when I gave her the first love poem for christmas, with a little something extra. I told her that I must warn her that it was eight pages of unbridled passion. she said; oh.. should I get out my toys?
After I was done laughing I advised her not to read pages seven and eight until she had put her toys away lol

Michael: Marriage and supposed "dedication" does funny things to people.

They have needs, wants, and urges, but it's important to decipher between them.

By the way, JPM, I would hope that I would never stoop as low as to cheat on someone whom I claim to love. I would at least give them the consideration to let them know before I did anything that disrespectful, hurtful, and idiotic, because I would hope to have that same consideration in the case that my lover were going to cheat on me. I know that it is a possibility that I would be a victim of such recklace action, but I would not put up with it. I sure as hell have no intention of doing something like that to a person whom I hold dear. If I am willing to cheat on someone, I wont be with them. And if my lover cheats on me, I know that he isnt someone I would be interested in spending my life with. Lesson learned, dont let the door hit you on your way out.

I dont worry about me, I am the authority over my actions after all.

I do remember us debating President Clintons infidelity the other day, however, and these are quotes from you:

(This was a statistic I posted) "About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in some marriage"

"Bullshit. I would hope that our leader would be a LEADER and not fall into the majority of the followers that make up those statistics."

Another post:

"Kaitlin:

you said:

"But I dont hold the actual CHEATING against him;"

I do. As a leader he should damn well act like one."

I find it interesting that you dont hold yourself to the same standards, one would assume by the way you were speaking so fervently that you would be the last person on this planet to cheat on their loved ones. I guess that confuses me, because although you arent leading a country, I would think that you wouldnt be a "follower" and have the respect for your wife and daughter that they most probably deserve.

My father cheated on my mother, and for that alone I have very little respect for him. I ask myself, "what kind of man does that? Cheats on his wife and his family claiming to be dedicated to us?"

That's just how I think, however. I am sure you have had these discussions with your wife and your girlfriend(s), and I am sure they got nowhere. I just know I dont want to be in that situation personally, and I wont be, because I'm not a "follower," as you so aptly put it.

Just wanted to clarify.

Michael: Marriage and supposed "dedication" does funny things to people.
Yes in this case it did.. I know it seems like I am picking the woman I have been talking about. The chance of her identity to be discovered is a million to one. All of our secrets are safely hidden online. I remember that the reaper of my heart did not hold the institution of marraige in high regard. She thought of it as something she would never do. I also heard her say that when she was with someone, she was dedicated, or true. I guess she meant 'with' as in the same room. Which brings us to the topic of spiritual connection. Marriage is in many spiritual paths, or religion is known as the sacrament of matrimony, where a witness to the commitment is required. Commitments are defined by the vows, so I guess if a husband does not have a problem with certain kinds of touching or flirting I don’t make any judgments. I cannot say that I enjoyed watching this because I have been taught that certain things such as foreplay is a private thing even for single people

They have needs, wants, and urges, but it's important to decipher between them.
One of the first poems that was inspired by the reaper of my heart was ‘Needs and Desires’ in defense of her there were many who tried to warn me that she would break my heart. In a bold move I attacked supposed organized religion. Here are a few lines from that poem I have posted on this site………..
And many of the ones who have not forgotten, have distorted his teachings to fit their own desires
I think that most of the preachers that sell Him on the TV are nothing more than liars

Bob: I never said that I would never cheat, I said I have no intention and I hope that I never put myself in that position, as I do think that it is wrong, and if I cant meet my own standards, who can?

Michael: You are correct, I enjoyed the little poem blurb.

Religion has largely dictated what relationships are to be, marriage is mostly religious to most people, a relationship sanctified by God. Two people can be just as dedicated to each other without the paper work. Married or not, couples need to make up their own rules for what defines infidelity and what works for them, but often times when couples so choose to be "dedicated" to one another, they mean in mind, body, and spirit- or at least that would be the ideal for most people.

"I don't hold high moral standards toward poets, as many poets tend to be liberal by nature."

Not all poets need to be a follower of tendencies, however.

People can rationalize their behaviors however they wish, but people should be able to determine the differences between right and wrong, need and desire.

It is important to determine what qualities the position someone has should be, for a president, I believe the first quality is leadership, for the Pope, I believe that it is moral and ethical standard, for a father and husband, I personally believe it is loyalty and dedication- but to each their own.

Well then it's settled, you'll gladly give your life but you will not give your monogamy.

My sister told me a great thing:

"I can keep a secret just fine, It's everyone I tell who cant keep a secret."

Brilliance. I've never told her a thing personal since.