Am I pathetic?

Ok so I have a pretty good life. I live with my mom my stepdad and my brat little sister. I go to school, which is ok, But for some reason everything seems to be falling apart in my eyes. My dad is mad because I never ask to talk to his girlfriend. Why the hell would I wanna talk to her for??? And on top of that my friends seem to be leaving me out. I feel alone everywhere. Pathetic huh? But there really isn't anyone I can talk to about my feelings so I write poems every minute of free time. I wrote a poem saying i cut my wrist and I showed all of my friends all they said was that I was a good writer. Ok...was that not big enough of a sign that I need help. I'll never say it. I can't. But I write over and over again. I've been slicing my wrist now for about a month and I still haven't solved anything. Now all i want to do is die and make them feel bad about not seeing the signs that were right in front of them. I can never figure out what in my life started this horrible feeling. I just know that i hate this feeling and that I hate the fact that none of my reasons for feeling this way is good enough. Do you get what I'm saying? Am I just really sensative or what? Someone help me!!!

Hey Ebony... I'm sorry you feel alone. And no... NOT pathetic. If you feel so left out amongst your friends at school, maybe you should sit them down and have a serious conversation with them, telling them how you really feel. If they just brush you off and don't seem to care, then maybe they're not "friend material" because real friends care about another friend's feelings. And maybe you should talk to your dad also, tell him that you don't feel comfortable talking to his girlfriend. Talking things out is the best thing to do... so take it into consideration. In the mean time, try to stop cutting yourself... it will only make matters worse, and I speak out of experience. You'll only feel more pathetic, and depression will set in, so please stop.

Take Care ~ Tina

i have to agree with Tina if you're only a month in you might have time to stop yourself. forgetting about your problems for right now, ill touch on that after. the more important thing in my mind right now is to get you to stop cutting. it ruins you life. if you think your life is bad, you dont know the half of it. cutting..it ropes you into this huge sprialing tornado and you cant barely get out of it. you'll start just a little cuts and then bigger ones and then deeper and then you'll do it more often, more and more. you gotta stop it while you still can. my friend is starting it and im going hysterical trying to get her to stop because I KNOW WHAT IT DOES. not only is it physically addiciting but your mind, man your mind, it drive you insane. it makes you feel so low no matter what, low down deep in the bottom and it makes you think that the only way up is if you cut and its not true. thats all i can really say about that matter. just try to stop while you still can. im a year in and stuck....

okay, as for the dad thing, try explaining it to him. just be blunt, its the best way to deal with parents. be like "dad...i dont like ur girlfriend, and even if i did i just dont want to talk to her im sorry if that disappoints you but dont make me feel so low just because i dont want to talk to her. i still want to be in YOUR life, just not hers"

ok then as for the friends, i agree with Tina, talk to them, you dont have to tell em you cut or nothing just tell em you feelin left out and if they are true friends they will care. if not...then as hard and as impossible as this may sound, dump em. seriously. i did it once, and i survived. half of grade 8 i sat on the school bench all winter because i had friends just like yours and i was sick of the way they made me feel.

but look on the bright side, they said you were a great writer. now taking their side for just a second, maybe they dont know how to handle your problem(cutting) and perhaps they are afraid and overwhelmed. and you said that your life seems pretty good, do their lives seem pretty good to you? maybe there are a few secrets behind their doors too and you just dont know it. and they are trying to cope with their own insecurities and dont know how to help you and themselves at the same time. and i dont blame them for trying to help themselves..do you?
~Freak~

p.s. sorry for the big post but its worth every word
~Freak~

Hey hun...i know exactly how you feel...im going through the same thing. . .my friends are depressed but they actually have reason to be...but you know...you dont need a reason to be depressed, if you have a reaosn...you are "sad" depression is a disese. . .its when you are always feeling sad for no apparent reason.

"Now all i want to do is die and make them feel bad about not seeing the signs that were right in front of them."

yes. You are definetly pathetic.

Hun i know how you feel and as for the cutting thing well an example of what i went through is on my poem Cut..., it might help you understand if you read it but i dont want to promote my poems on here, just a point. its hard i know, and its hard to get out of but you need to keep your head up, talk to someone. Im here if you want to talk.

Ok there you go ismail, taken off.happy now?

*posted twice*

ismail i didnt mean to write it twice, its wen u click on the post answer button too many times. And no i hate it when people promote their poems in this section, so no i havnt posted it twice to promote the poem

Ebony - I'm really in no position to judge, but yeah, I can understand why you feel alone. there's that one thing about being human. Kind of epidemic. My friend went through the similar further alienation when her folks split up. and I can understand why you don't want to talk to your dad's g/f. and he should too. but guys', even dad's, aren't always very good at understanding girl's feelings. You just kind of have to understand that.
You're friends probably didn't know how to respond to your poem. Maybe they didn't know it was real. Like it was 'just a poem' and they didn't want to insult you by accusing you of anything.
Atleast, that's how my friends always react to most of my darker pieces. and how I might react to some of theirs. Try not to complain too much around them, but also remember not to alienate yourself. Keep yourself open and friendly, and your friends will be there.

lol yes i forgive you ismail