in school...

In school we are going over poetry, and i write poems, but i might not consider is poetry.. and this friday we have to write a poem and read it in front of the class and i wrote one, but i want to know if its ok? or if i will embarass myself if i read it!!

I can hear the beat of your heart
-Bah bump bu bump- my head pressed against your chest
I blink to the beat in my mind
As the sun begins to set

Your words are like sweet Melody's
-La la ooh La la ooh- Makes me never want to forget
Sleepless nights in November
Marking our silhouettes

The crickets are chanting aloud
-Crick Crick Crick- Silent yet deafening to the ear
The trains sound their horns
They come by this time of year

The kids laughing on the playground
- ha ha ha- Makes me look back when I was young
All the fun times I've had
And all the things I wish i've done

The sound of the oceans waves battling
-Wush wuush- Is something I'll always remember
The music, the fun, the days
And the sleepless nights in November

dont be easy, plz tell me the truth, it could only get better

thanks soo much!!

eh..ne one?

Well i liked that, it was unique.

well thanks... i wanna know for the like really good poets, or that know alot about good poetry..

but i read some of urs..good

First, you need to post this with all your other poems and put a link to it, not post the text here. And 2nd, it is still a request to read and comment on your poetry, so it needs to be in the correct forum.

well sry ill remeber next time to do the link thing..
but i wanna know if its good, or what i can do to improve to it, make it better. im looking for tips and ideas.

that is what this forum is for

i could do that... yeah thanks

Or why not just take the sounds out all together?