an awesome poem!

I read through all of that, whoah.

Okay, here's my opinion. I don't like it. It's a poem that portrays the life of a hopeless person, and how the person becomes more hopeless as time passes and the person grows older. It's not my kind of poem, though I understand that some people would like this. But not me.

The end amused me. The rest of the poem was just sad. His life got worse and worse with each passing year.

i found your poem very funny in fact not emotional at all but there is a categorie for funny poems-)
very nice evolution!!!!nice writing

I agree with Bob, "and" was used way too often. I think it ruined the poem with that repitition.

I liked it! As for the repitition of the word "and" it worked well in the first part! Have you ever heard a kid tell a story?
I think it is an honest portrayal of growing up! I know personally as a young child I was sheltered from the truth of the world! As I got older the world began revealing itself and it wasn't what I thought it would be! Take care~Holly

JPM had the song title correct. It's Landslide. The Dixie Chicks remade the song, it's originally by Fleetwood Mack. I agree, it's a beautiful song.

Yes, this left me speechless...Tragic.The emotion that it evokes is not the one that will make you cry, it's the one of peaceful desperation, sliding softly through the dark side of the moon...It's an evolution of inner feelings, the weakness of human nature, focuses on the soul and how it measures things that happen everyday, things that for some do not matter...My dad used to bring me breakfast at bed too when I was a kid...

This poem was really good. It surprised me at the end. You could tell that things were getting progressively worse as his life went on, but I didn't expect what happened at the end. Tragic.

Aww....thats sad.

I don't think it focuses on the person, but on the root things follow.Am I right?

so wait Apathetic Soul do you like this poem or not? i can't make up my mind after everything was said. everyone will think different so if you liked it then just like it, don't like it because some people on the internet told you they didn't. i thought it was an ok poem, kind of i would say cute in ways. i just didn't like the ending, when he killed himself when i read it i just got the idea he was noticing the real world more and growing up, it didn't seem all that depressing, when he killed himself to me it ruinined the poem.

~Jacklyn

i agree that is a better one, it's got really good meaning and it's short and sweat plus i like the ending on this one.

~Jacklyn

i like it, it shows growing up. bit dramatic at the end, but it suits.

Lv A, x

lol bob. "and" was used way to much "and" could have been avoided "and" maybe made it better "and" just maybe then bob would like it "and" maybe people would be more satisfied "and" maybe it could have a better ending "and" maybe not kill himself "and" maybe not ruin the poem. "and" i'm pretty sure you could fix those things "and" make it writen better.

"and" i have said enough.

~Jacklyn "and" have a nice day!

hee hee hee

lol i'm really tired typing that A-N-D word now. A-N-D hopefully people get the message!

~Jacklyn

dude i think it was awesome. great job . ill give u an A :) hehe i liked it

and...

teh poem was just a long list of and then's. Not much special to a long list of and then's. The ending was kind of horrible. He added every bad thing possible that the could of happened to teh kid except cancer, which I'm sure would have in this story if the author had kept teh list going. But especially the part about the kid killing himself, the end could have been better.

Sorry to HOLLY ARMER - but I'm a perfectionist -

It's Fleetwood Mac

-Lyd

I agree, this poem is truly great.