come here for advise on how to deal with friend problems

Jesus argued with me the other day, then he cock slapped me. It hurt alot so I did it back to him. Now he is angry with me. What shall I do?

Oh, and Jesus keep's telling me to sleep with hooker's. He said it's great fun that I should try it. Do you think I should?

what should i do my friends are like ignoring me they new i wanted to go on this trip with them but i couldn't now they just talk about it all the time they never call me anymore i don't know what to do can you please help me

What should I do 'cause I'm like soooo sad and I like cry every day and like NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME I feel so alone and I hate myself my parents hate me too....HELP ME PLZZZZZZ!

(catch that sarcasm?)