Rushing into things?

  • Sean
    19 years ago

    Hi, i've been a poster here for the past week or so really....never one to ask for help, as frankly i believe i don't need it.

    But, i would like some opinions on what you think of marriage, or atleast engagement at the age of 16/15...basically me and Tracie have been going out for about 4 months, 2 weeks now.

    Not very long? It's not at all....but i do plan to propose if all goes well in the months ahead (I'll get the ring for around christmas time, wrap it up in a nice little ring box...she pesters me, i've brought her a 'Necklace', put a note in there of a simple proposal, and done)

    I know for a fact she feels the same way about it all, she wants to give it time as well though, but after 11 months together (Which will be christmas day or so) and we're still going strong, then why not?

    Random thoughts, i'm not convicted to anything - Hell, for all i know i'm living a fantasy and most likely am, nothing gets better than laying out in the rain with the girl i love trusting me enough to be under me (Not in a sexual sense as we were clothed :p) for 2 hours, that was beautiful.

    I'm mainly basing this on the fact well, i know two couples now - one whom proposed at 6 months, now been going out for about 8/9, and another which proposed news years eve about 8 months into the relationship, now going for about 1.3 years or so.

    Both the same age as i (15/16)

    I'm delusional to believe that love actually works for a 15 yr old, she's even my first girlfriend....(I always chose to wait for the 'right' person to come along)

    Hmm....

    Yesh.

  • Lil Luce
    19 years ago

    Hmmmm tricky scenario.....well all i can say is go with what ur heart feels. noone can tell you whether it will work out or not only time will tell but if its what u both want then i cant see any problem init. altho remember u cant get married till ur 18 without ur parents consent...i think gettin engaged is okay if thats what u both want but PLEASE dont rush into marriage cos thats a lot trickier to get out of. just take ur time and if u still together by then and love each other then go ahead. good luck and im pleased u found the right girl...just make shes the right girl not the right for now girl!
    take care
    xxxLoUxxx

  • shes a killer
    19 years ago

    ok..i can relate. i have been going out with my boyfriend for 4 months and we really do love each other. we can't stand to not see each other. he talks about marrying me and proposing to me on a beach b/c i love beaches. anyway, i think that it's ok to think about it and talk about it about you shouldn't rush b/c you guys can get too involved with one another. teenagers honestly don't know what love is and can't determine what they want. i think if that's what you feel you should go for it but you have to remembe rthat your still in school and things are different once you get into the real world..ppl are different. i'm 14 and my boyfriend is 15 and we talk about it and we know we love each other and i bet that you know you love her..but just think about it before you do anything.
    best wishes...

  • Lovemylove
    19 years ago

    Personally Sean I don't think your rushing into things if you love the girl with all your heart, and you think you can make a contiment to her, and keep it then yea then you should go for it, I am enaged to a wonderfully guy, and I'm only 15 going on 16 so I think of enagement at 15 or 16 as a good thing if the person is truly ready to make a contiment to other person, and keep it.

  • InMyWorld
    19 years ago

    i agree with most of the things in the above posts, but honestly, either wait to propose, or have a very long engagement...wait until after high school to get married...if you can do that, then your relationship is strong enough and the love will be true...time can change so many things and we can't control it. be careful and just wait a bit. good luck :)

  • Dorotea©
    19 years ago

    I would suggest waiting. Wait till you're both atleast 18, because seriously, I don't believe a 15 or a 16 year old is mature enough to understand the consequences of marriage.

    I myself am 15, and I cannot imagine marrying yet. It can seriously destroy your teenage years if you get into adulthood way too fast. Also, most of the marriages that happen at such a young age lead to divorces, and both regret it. Of course some are happy and live the rest of their lives together, but there are only some of those.

    Wait a few more years. During that time you will get to know her even better, and you may realize that you don't actually want to marry her.

  • Dorotea©
    19 years ago

    Also, don't you think it'll going to school and having a wife at the same time? I'm sure it would. I think you should settle down and wait till you're atleast 20 before marriage. :)

  • InMyWorld
    19 years ago

    i agree...and like i said before, if you're able to wait that long and still maintain your happiness, than you'll know its worth it. but if you find out that over time it doesnt work out, it'll be easier to break up than to divorce and have to deal with legal, emotional, and possibly family issues (kids?)

  • Tiny Reader
    19 years ago

    Go for it. If you love, respect and honour her and she feels the same about you, then you are so lucky. You have been given a gift and should take it. Don't let every thought of what could go wrong tear you away from what your heart says.

  • Shædow Poet
    19 years ago

    I'm sorry, but I think you should wait until you're 18. As harsh as it sounds, you may love her now, but in a few years your feelings may have changed. And if they don't, then you know it would've been worth the wait.

  • squirttt
    19 years ago

    DON'T DO IT. Sean, if you really love her, let her live her life a little longer! i know that sounds psychotic, but really. i've seen sooo many people who, even at age 17-19 get hitched and things dont work out after a few months. seriously, i know how it feels to just want to keep one person to yourself and belong to just one person. you're young and you have so much to live for. give it a few more years, and if you survive those few years ahead together, THEN you can think about marriage. i also think that the both of you really really need more experience with life and what it has for you in the years to come. and if you both love each other enough, you'll wait for the right time to do what you want. good luck with everything.

  • Sean
    19 years ago

    Hmm, i may engage her...but wont marry till after college..

    That sound like a better idea?

    Thanks for all your advice by the way, it's been extremly useful - thank you all.

  • Dorotea©
    19 years ago

    Yes the engagement sounds a lot better because you can always break up the engagement if you end up not loving her, even though you thought you did.

  • Sean
    19 years ago

    Half of me says now, the side i used to know very well.

    She is better off without me.

    After yesterdays events, i shalln't be drinking again - and though i didn't 'cheat'...

    I was a bastard.

  • InMyWorld
    19 years ago

    to what extent were you a bastard...what did you do? because you dont have to go to the extreme and say she's better off without you...i think thats her decision...just talk to her, apologize, and tell her you'll not drink or you'll control it...

  • InMyWorld
    19 years ago

    you dont have to ruin one whole thing over it...if you guys really love eachother you'll work through it (p.s. this is why people get married when they're older b/c anything at all can go wrong and ruin everything)

  • Dorotea©
    19 years ago

    Talk to her. Apologize for whatever you did. I mean if she loves you she'd forgive right?

  • Sean
    19 years ago

    I'll talk to her - she doesn't know about any of it.

    I talk out of my ears, i would never break up with her (Unless she wanted to)

    I went out for a few drinks, ended up downing a whole bottle of vodka, and was with a few close friends, with no memory of events, and it's sick of me and i had no right to do it, though she didn't mind, i felt Amys arse, kept telling her i loved her etc

    Also ended up kissing with Becky...

    No excuse for it, and i just wish i could remember doing any of it.

  • Dorotea©
    19 years ago

    Hmmm. It's good that you'll tell her 'cause relationships are built on trust, so you should tell her everything.

    She'll forgive you and understand..and I seriously doubt that she'd break up with you because of that.

  • InMyWorld
    19 years ago

    if she really loves you she'll forgive you so tell her the whole entire truth...cuz trust me, if she finds out more details from others it will hurt her even more than if you told her, and she'll think you're keeping things from her. also...those girls...becky and amy--dont they know you have tracie? if they do...what bitches to let you do that!

    it also depends on what kind of girl she is...how sensitive she is and how her self esteem is...it could take very long to fully heal. be patient and assure her how you feel about her and make sure she knows that the way you kiss her isnt the way you kissed becky...or at least i hope its not...

  • Sean
    19 years ago

    Becky likes me, Amy just liked the flirting i guess..

    They both know, and well..yeah.

    Tracie is rather sensitive, and will take it to heart....she's got low self esteem and confidence, though it's been geting far better now...i guess after her last bf who made her feel like shit, it's nice to be loved.

    Thanks for the advice, i will make sure she knows that Kissing her actually means something, a hell of alot of something to me.

  • Sean
    19 years ago

    Told her, but then showed her a poem i had wrote for her...'Angel, insect solution'

    I told her that i wrote it a few days before, after our day together in the massive rain, and told her that i love her, and i'd never write like that without her inspiration...

    I get this reply..

    Tracie says:
    omg sean
    Sean - Together Tracie (Really sorry for yesterday, thanks for geting me home.) says:
    I love you
    Tracie says:
    I love you too
    Sean - Together Tracie (Really sorry for yesterday, thanks for geting me home.) says:
    I just wish in my writing, i could catch even a part of my love and put it into paper
    Tracie says:
    sean .......you are the best boyfriend ever
    Sean - Together Tracie (Really sorry for yesterday, thanks for geting me home.) says:
    I wish, but you are perfect for me, in everything and understand, i do see an angel when i look into your eyes

    She's an idiot, not all the time - but when it comes to me, i'd rather she was upset at me, hated me, not to be given her love when it should of been retracted..

  • InMyWorld
    19 years ago

    i dont understand the reply, thats confusing

    but i dunno, i guess that would have bothered me more than it did her...she seemed to not care

    which is good for you...at least everythings fine now

  • Sean
    19 years ago

    To make things up to her, i showed her something i wrote to prove to her i loved her..

    So she says that about the poem and me etc

    without a thought to what i had done.

  • InMyWorld
    19 years ago

    oh...i see. either she completely forgives you, or she wants to pretend it didnt happen and forget about it b/c its too painful and/or she can't deal with it, or doesnt know how to due to her self esteem issue and stuff.

    i dont want to say bring it up again and make sure she's all right with it because that could open up a whole new problem, but just wait a bit and see what happens over time, especially if her mood or demeanor changes when she sees, hears about, or speaks to becky and/or amy.

    you also need to make sure amy and becky know that it meant nothing and that you dont remember it, and that they need to have more respect for themselves and not let something like that happen when they know you have a girlfriend, that its wrong and selfish of them.

  • InMyWorld
    19 years ago

    well sean, i have to go for today...pm me with anything else or w/ anything new or if you want an opinion or advice. take care

    Sara

  • Sean
    19 years ago

    Thanks alot for the advice :) It's helped alot actually.

  • Catty
    19 years ago

    Well me and my boyfriend have been going out for that long (four months) and we have strnog feelings for eachother so i'm not doughting ur feeligns for her. and as i see it...marriage has no age...as long as u believe u will stay true to her and she to u...marriage is not a title....its a promise...if ur ready for that promise and know u can keep it...go for it!