Some help required.

My girlfriend has had some extremly bad happenings in her life; which have lead her to cut herself, aresol abuse, and generally trying to find relief in pretty much anything.

We got past the aresol abuse, and she's now stopped cutting (She still scratches herself sometimes, but we can overcome this)

But she's now on some sort of anti-stress medication, and well....she's still Tracie, the girl i love...but she's different, harder to talk too, alot more physical and 'I love you' but it just makes it hard to actually talk to her seriously and i hate it.

She has panic attacks at times, worries herself so much about things because of previous events, of what people will think of her etc, and i guess the pills help her with that.

She doesn't see it as a problem; but i just want her to be ok, to feel stress free and happy with me without the need of pills, to feel like she can just be relaxed.

Any ways i can overcome this?

With the cutting, though this may sound completly stupid and out of order for me to do, well basically, before i stopped, for about a year...she knew that, and then i started again with every intention to stop, only reason i started was so that atleast that way, we could stop together - she can see you can get out of the addiction the relief you get from it, and it was a way to stop her to do it, tell her that when i sit at home and everything is to much of me - I think of her.

With the aresols, it was how my cousin died...so she stopped on her own will with that one, for me....because she saw i cried when she told me about her doing it.

I want to stop her taking this damned medication, she is still Tracie and i do love her...but it's well...she just doesn't seem to think right when on it. I want her to be able to relax and be stress free without the need of anything.

Seems like you really care for her and love her for her. Wow, that's something you don't see in every guy.

As for the medication, tell her to stop taking it and just be there for her. I'm sure your presence is a lot better than some medicine, atleast if the medicine doesn't even help. To help her feel happy again and relax, go to the movies or do something fun together. Take a walk in the park maybe?

You said that you started cutting again for her. Though that's a really loyal thing to do I must say it's also stupid. I'm glad she stopped and if she starts again, don't start cutting for her. It's better that way.

Dorotea

We always go to the park :) It's what we do...every other day we go there, lay together on the grass, talking, being a couple...we know 5-10 peoples names off by heart because they come by and see us there when walking there dogs etc lol, they were shocked to see that we were just 15.

That's what bothers me the most dorotea, the fact is...I am there for her, i'm always going to be and she does know that, and maybe she doesn't feel relaxed with me, maybe i don't make her that happy, so she feels the need to take the medication.

Trust me, i learned my mistake on the cutting first time round, the second time i was a fool, the third time? I still need skin.

Hmm..

I think she's afraid that you'll leave her. So she wants to hold onto you in anyway possible way (cutting, medication..etc.) and in that way, draw your attention to her and that might be causing her the stress. Maybe she just needs you to be even more with her. I hope that didn't sound too confusing.

It kind of sounds like she doesn't understand that you love her, or she doesn't think that she's worthy of your love. Try to make her understand that you will ALWAYS be there for her and that she can trust you on that.

I don't really have much more to say. What she's going through might just be a temporary thing which will pass away, and I definitly hope so.

Overall, just be there for her and make her feel happy and safe.

Dorotea

She knows that i do love her; or atleast i hope after making sure she told me when she did feel loved and unloved did pay off. (I always told her, never say 'I love you' until you know it is love, or to tell me when she could accepted i loved her)

She and i both have a problem, we don't believe we deserve one another.

I'm going to always try my best to make her feel happy, safe and secure....I guess i'm just not doing my best for her.

Thank you.

Yes, that sounds good. Just keep doing what you're doing, and over time she'll realize that you're not going to let go of her and that you truly love her.

No problem, I enjoy helping.

Slight question, can anybody else offer any advice or help, any experiences with anti-stress medicine etc?

That's the worst thing about it

I know she depends on me, and i know i will eventually let her down (Maybe not by breaking up with her as i doubt i can ever do that....i'd forgive her for well anything...as dumb as it sounds)

Edit - I mean that in regards of cutting etc, i'd never leave her though....

I know it wont last forever, or atleast....half of me knows that, and i also know that i wont break up with her, she'll be the one to leave me.

I will be seen as a bastard, or arsehole because most likely i'd have done something to merit it.

But, i do want to do the best i possibly can for her.

I'd never control her or force her to do something ever, as much as she asks me to be more 'controlling' (She says she likes it but it's just...not who i am)

Thank you alot for the advice :) I think i can help her now with the advice you and doro have given me, anybody else who has experience with medication such as this i'd be willing to hear you out...

It's nearly as if she's stoned when on it, like she's so very happy and kissy but just you then try to talk to her about something serious and she'd laugh at it to much, or verge off the subject out of focus.